As my previous column ended, I was discussing the pandering awfulness of Spartacus and Julian “Fidel” Castro speaking Spanish for no legitimate reason. However, as difficult as it may be to believe, their “Me habla bovine excremento” (my Spanish is really rusty, but I think I got that translation right) moments were NOT the low points for either of them.
Booker’s nadir came when he played the race card – which in his case has been used so often that the suit and card number have been rubbed completely off -to go after an even tinier slice of the Democrat base: the black transgender community. (Or as they are also known, Jamal, Marcus and Larry.)
Quoth Spartacus: “Look, civil rights is someplace to begin, but in the African American civil right community, another place to focus was to stop the lynching of African Americans.” Yes, and just in the nick of time, Rip Van Booker! Although to be fair, virtually all lynchings of black people were carried out by Democrats, so at least Cory is addressing the right audience.
He went on: “We do not talk enough about trans Americans, especially African American trans Americans and the incredibly high rates of murder now.”
My math is even rustier than my Spanish, and it’s been a long time since I did any algebra. But I vaguely remember that there’s a rule that allows you to cancel out any identical numbers repeated on both sides of an equation.
So if you have African Americans on one side, and trans Americans on the other, does the “American” on both sides go away, leaving us with “trans Africans?” And would those be Asians or Latinos who identify as Africans, or Africans who used to be black but are now on their way to becoming Rachel Dolezal? My head hurts!
So let me pull out my abacus, and work on some simpler statistics: Black folks make up about 13% of Americans. Trans people make up about .0001% of all people.
Okay, now my fingers are cramping, and my abacus beads have started to smolder from being frantically slid back and forth. But right before the beads burst into flame, I arrived at the same sum for the black transgender community: Jamal, Marcus and Larry.
So what can Spartacus mean when he refers to “the incredibly high rate of murders” in the trans black community? Wouldn’t ANY murder in a group that small constitute an “incredibly high” rate?
For example, what if the entire black trans community was holding a convention – say, in the back of a Honda Odyssey – when a member of a rival group such as the trans Aleutian community (yes – Nanook him/herself) leaps in, flips down the empty third-row cargo seat, and harpoons Jamal right through his or her Adam’s apple? Which may or may not be very prominent, because I really don’t understand this whole situation?
Now you’ve got two problems: 1. How are the NYC cops going to come up with a fair line-up that can survive judicial review? (Six people stand in front of a blank wall facing a one-way glass, holding up numbered signs in front of them. Numbers 1-5 are two black cops, a mixed-race parole officer, a Hispanic janitor and a Puerto Rican bodega owner. Number 6 is an eskimo in a blood-flecked fur-lined parka.) 2. There is now a 33% murder rate in the trans black community.
Good lord, where was I?
Oh yeah. Castro’s lowest moment.
Not to be out-pandered by Spartacus – and not willing to forfeit the potential votes of Marcus and Larry (RIP, Jamal!) – Castro played the gender confusion card. (FYI – that card looks like a cross between a Queen, a suicide King and a one-eyed Jack.)
He opened with the most reliable trick in the Democrat book: a meaningless slogan: “I’m not just for abortion rights, I’m for abortion fairness.”
Of course the audience went nuts, applauding as if they had any idea what that meant.
Speaking of which, the Trained Seals Union Local 107 should be filing a grievance over the way the Dem audience impinged on their turf by applauding mindlessly at every lame talking point.
Castro quieted the hooting and bashing of flippers by explaining: he wants the government to pay for trans women to have abortions, too.
Read that again, and savor the sagacity of the Party of Science™. And then let’s walk through the chain of “logic” behind that statement.
1.“Trans women” are biological males.
2. Biological males can never ever, ever become pregnant.
3. Even if pregnant biological males did as the Dems want, and aborted about 75% of their babies, 75% of zero is still zero.
Which means – stay with me here… that this might be the stupidest campaign promise ever. But simultaneously, it might be the smartest campaign promise ever, because it will create the first government program that will NEVER cost anyone even a single penny!
Maybe we should take a page from Castro’s book, and see what kind of cost-less promises that we can make. How about free pap smears for every American male, for life? Free testicular exams for American women? A free lifetime supply of diet meals for Michael Moore?
But it wasn’t just the audience – the moderators were terrible, too. A lowlight came from Savannah Guthrie, a leftist robot who often grills Republicans mercilessly (as well she should). She once blasted Paul Ryan about a GOP tax plan, ending with the question, “Are you living in a fantasy world?”
So what tough, inside pitch did she hurl at Beta, after he dodged a question about what top tax rate he would support? “Would you support a 70 percent individual marginal tax rate? Yes, no, or pass?”
I am not making that up. She offered a politician the third option of passing on a tough question!
Can you imagine a world in which an MSM empty head did that for any conservative or GOP pol? It would certainly change the tone the next time Jim Acosta confronted Trump at a press conference: “Some of your critics call you the worst president ever, but others say you’re more like Hitler. Would you say that you’re more like an awful president, or more like Hitler, or should I just go “eff” myself?”
I’m going to take door #3 there, Jimbo.
The commentary after the debates focused on the big moment when Kamala went after Old Joe on race and busing. To do so, she employed the “magic but.”
And no, that’s not the set-up for a Kardashian joke, nor a reference to how Kamala got started in politics.
It’s the slimy rhetorical tactic of claiming good intentions, and then belying those good intentions with an immediate, under=handed attack. Kamala started out saying, “I don’t think you’re racist, but…” And then she spent the next 10 minutes calling Biden a racist.
If Joe had any fire in his belly besides acid reflux, he’d have thrown it right back at her: “I don’t think you’re some kind of desperate, soul-less political hooker. But you did start your career in the bed of a withered old married leftist power broker who then gave you your first two political jobs. Did you use all of that time on your back, staring at Willie Brown’s ceiling, to come up with the ideas that you wanted to campaign on?”
THAT response would have shown that Plugs was in this to win it. What did he do instead?
He mounted a half-hearted defense that was starting to gain momentum, until he stopped himself mid-sentence and said, “My time’s up, sorry.”
You can say that again.
For better or worse, winning candidates need to be aggressive. They punch back, they go on the attack, they bulldoze through a moderator’s warning that their time is up in order to finish their point. But the moderator wasn’t even trying to interrupt old Joe – he just pre-emptively took himself out.
Would that the other Dem contenders had the good sense to do the same.
I see three main winners from the first round of Dem debates:
- Kamala Harris seems to have been the consensus “winner,” because she was aggressive and pandering in the way that lefty voters seem to like. (I.e. she raised a bunch of dishonest points in a dirty way.)
- Donald Trump. By going so far left and providing so much rich material for attack ads for whomever finally gets the Dem nod, they have made Trump’s re-elect campaign easier. While I can definitely picture Trump losing in 2020, can anyone easily imagine any of these small, extremist boneheads winning the presidency? I think if Trump showed up on the stage with all 20-something of them, it would be the political equivalent of one of the set pieces in a John Wick movie, with Trump as Keanu.
He’d stride into the scrum and glide through a series of movements that were half ninja, half ballet, dropping one flailing leftist dope after the next with a rapid-fire sequence of headshots, stopping only long enough to slap in a fresh clip of ammo each time he was out.
- The other main winner: Michael Avenatti! If anyone can make the creepy porn lawyer look better by comparison, it’s this cavalcade of numbskulls.