So I leave for a short trip, and all kinds of hilarity ensues.
I’m going to save the best news for last, and catch up on a few other highlights of the last 10 days or so. Starting with the implosion of the Dems’ secretive, not-really-impeachment impeachment hearings in a basement room at the capitol.
First, I love a good acronym, and SCIF – Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility – is a great one, with just the right quasi-sinister, Dr. Evil overtones for a place in which a Star Chamber of angry leftists would gather in secret to overturn election results with which they disagree.
Second, I love the way the GOP actually stood up to the Dems and created good optics for themselves, when they showed up and demanded entry to the secret hearing room. After all of the selective leaking that had been going on, the closed-door hearings appeared patently unfair to any even partially neutral observer, so it was good political theater for the GOP pols to force their way in. And it was icing on the cake to see Adam “Mr. Mackey” Schiff (mmmkay?) flee the room immediately, the way one does when caught in the act of doing something underhanded.
The fact that Pelosi has found it necessary to call for a vote to make the ongoing proceedings at least nominally more open to the public is a tacit admission that the Dems were in the wrong.
One of my favorite board games as a kid was the murder-solving game Clue. I’m sure you remember it: the point was to be the first to solve the mystery by identifying which character was the killer, in which room the murder took place, and the murder weapon. (“Miss Scarlet, in the conservatory, with the lead pipe.”)
The GOP showdown at the SCIF was called “a political stunt” by the MSM. (Funny how when a bunch of Dems lay down on the House floor and hold their breath to demand a never-going-to-happen vote on repealing the 2nd amendment, the MSM calls that a “sit-in in the grand tradition of civil rights protests,” and not a stunt. Or when leftists exploit an autistic Swedish teen by letting her rant about manbearpig at the UN, that’s a brave youngster speaking truth to power, and not a dishonest political stunt.) But the proof is in the pudding: the GOP called the Dems’ bluff, and the Dems’ subsequent retreat and reluctant pseudo-impeachment vote show that their secretive hearings were a political blunder. In trying to take down Trump from behind closed doors, they only screwed themselves.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: Schiff. In the SCIF. With a marital aid.
In other lefty self-destruction news, Democrat California congresswoman Katie Hill’s sex scandal led to her resignation last Sunday.
The dissolution of a marriage is almost always a sad story, and I would normally take no pleasure in discussing it. That being said, the way that Hill lashed out as she resigned is worthy of comment, and the way the MSM covered the story is enough to trigger one’s gag reflex.
The story’s details are partly just good, old-fashioned tabloid fodder: bisexual female pol brings a young female employee into a three-way sexual relationship with her odd husband, then spurns both of them to cheat with a young male staffer. Add in some nude pictures that also feature drug use and a Nazi-era tattoo in the crotchular region, and you’ve got yourself the makings of an “Elvis Spotted in Three-way with Elon Musk and Lady Gaga” sized headlines.
But take away the titillating details, and you’ve got a textbook #MeToo story: powerful, rising-star pol exploits and takes sexual advantage of powerless young employee. To cite the tired old rhetorical question: can you imagine how much more attention this story would have gotten if the creepy pol were a Republican?
What makes the story less sad and more karmically satisfying is the way that Hill lashed out in her resignation speech. After a little perfunctory rhetorical throat-clearing along the lines of “I regret my mistakes,” Hill laid into the evil, sexist conservatives who are REALLY to blame. “I am leaving now because of a double standard,” she said. “I’m leaving, but we have men who have been credibly accused of intentional acts of sexual violence and remain in boardrooms, on the Supreme Court, in this very body and, worst of all, in the Oval Office.”
Yes. She’s just like Brett Kavanaugh. Except that instead of being falsely accused of sexual misbehavior by a partisan hack 30 years after the fact and with no evidence at all, she was photographed 10 minutes ago hooking up with a subordinate employee, while doing drugs and flaunting a tattoo you might expect to find on any trendy, lesbian Hitler-enthusiast.
And the MSM played the story right down the middle, as you might expect. For example, a Slate story (I read that trash so that you don’t have to.) (You’re welcome.) on the scandal had a subtitle claiming that “Right Wing pundits are harming” the young staffer she seduced. (Because that is Logic 101: A leftist pol sexually exploits an underling. Who is to blame? Right wing pundits. Duh!)
From the Slate story: “Other right-wing pundits have rushed to depict Hill as an inconvenient example of liberal hypocrisy over the #MeToo movement.” (Damn those evil right-wingers, with their rushing, and their accusing liberal hypocrites of being… liberal hypocrites!)
The Slate writer generously concedes that, “Hill very well may have committed an ethical breach by engaging in a relationship with a subordinate…” Ya think?!
But she goes on to denounce the real bad guys: “Now, the conservative pundits denouncing Hill’s supposedly predatory behavior are treating the woman they claim is a victim as a prop for their own political purposes.”
Got that? Her behavior was “supposedly predatory.” (A phrase you may remember from the Harvey Weinstein coverage, as in “Weinstein’s supposedly predatory behavior amounted to little more than coercing dozens of young actresses into a satisfying sexual relationship with the supposedly repulsive studio boss.” Or not.) And the conservatives are the ones treating the young employee as a prop. Not her lecherous, unfaithful boss. Nope. It’s those nasty conservative pundits. Have they no shame?
For me, the worst part of the story is that Hill introduced a repulsive new word into our lexicon: the “thruple.”
It’s an ugly word, to describe a creepy practice, and it brings to mind an unpleasant hypothetical to me: If I were to come home from work one day and say to my world-class wife, “Hey honey, I’ve got an idea I’d like to run by you. What do you say I invite a 20-something girl from my office into our marital bed for a very modern, progressive three-way romp in the sheets?”
After she fired a crisp right jab into my solar plexus, what sound would my body make as I collapsed to the floor, gasping for breath?
“Thruple.”
Finally, the news of the month was the oh-so-timely death of evil ISIS leader Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi. Cue the video of Ray Charles singing “Oh Happy Day!” with a horde of dashiki-clad church goers, because this was the story that just kept on giving!
First, it’s so great to be reminded what an amazing collection of special forces studs we have protecting us, and putting fear into the hearts of evil men all over the world. Any one of those guys is worth more than all of the politicians in Washington, with every actor in Hollywood and every “journalist” in the MSM thrown in.
Second, how about the picture of the war dog that helped chase Mr. Weird Beard Rapist into the tunnel that he died in? I’d expected to see something like a cross between a werewolf and a giant pit bull, with blood dripping from bared fangs. Instead, it’s a sweet-looking dog with a goofy smile, and his tongue lolling like he’s ready to tear off and chase down a frisbee – or another black-hearted jihadi freak – at a moment’s notice. All I could think of was, “Who’s a good boy? YOU ARE!”
And Trump was at his Trumpiest in his announcement, saying, “Our ‘K-9,’ as they call it,” Mr. Trump said, “I call it a dog. A beautiful dog — a talented dog — was injured and brought back.”
Of course Cassie the Wonder Dog was ecstatic when the story broke, and she saw the hero dog’s picture. She’s been trotting around the house with her head just a little higher, wearing her canine pride on her sleeve, ever since. I get the distinct feeling that if she hadn’t been fixed, she’d eagerly go visit that brave war dog and show him her gratitude, if you know what I mean. Unless he was married to a Democratic politician who wanted Cassie to become part of a thruple. (A “pupple?”) Classy Cassie wouldn’t go for that, because we’ve raised her right.
It’s especially satisfying to think that one of the last things that panicky, running jihadi creep heard was an American dog (GOOD BOY!) closing in on him. The Islamic disdain for dogs as unclean animals is incomprehensible to me, but it adds an extra layer of gratification to know that Al-Baghdadi felt just a little extra humiliation in his last moments.
Another great thing to come out of this story? The MSM took it as another excuse to absolutely cover themselves in shame. Everybody has commented on the Washington Post’s initial idiotic headline – “Austere Religious Scholar Dies at 48” – and the mocking parallels almost write themselves. (“German Shepherd Owner and Promising Artist Adolph Hitler Dies at 56,” “Transylvanian Patriot and Stake-Decorator Vlad the Impaler Dead at 49”)
And one reporter after another squirmed and twisted and grimaced as they grudgingly reported the good news, finding fault with everything about Trump’s announcement. It was terrible the way he mocked Al-Baghdadi in death. He sounded more like a terrorist himself. All of that gloating was so distasteful!
By the way, do you remember how the MSM hammered Obama for taking a victory lap after he ordered the raid that killed Bin Laden? Me neither. I mean, sure, Obama didn’t get all Trumpy about it. (“Bin Laden died like a dog. One minute he was watching porn, and the next he was whimpering and running and screaming like a beeyotch.”) And more’s the pity. But for years afterward, Joey Gaffes constantly bellowed the gloating refrain, “Bin Laden is dead, and GM is alive!” And MSM never got their dresses over their heads, worrying about how such bragging might make those nasty jihadis REALLY mad at us now!
The delicious cherry on the schadenfreude sundae was Mummified-American Nancy Pelosi whining that Trump hadn’t informed the Democrats about the raid before it happened. Trump’s response was perfect: “Why would I tell you leaking SOBs? Bite me, Botox face!” (I’m paraphrasing, but I think I’ve caught the gist of it.)
Her petulant statement made her look even smaller, as she went out of her way to say nice things about the military, while pointedly not giving Trump any credit. Again – compare that to the way the Dems and MSM credited Obama for Bin Laden’s death. To hear them tell it, he speed-roped down onto the compound roof single-handedly, his face covered in camouflage paint and a combat knife clenched in his teeth, and he went through every jihadi in the area like John Wick on Red Bull and meth.
One other hilarious detail: at around 11:30 Saturday night, lefty weasels Alec Baldwin and Pete Davidson were in a SNL skit mocking Trump for helping ISIS. The timing could not have been better, because at that very moment, half a world away, the leader of ISIS had just made his transition to GIAT.
Not GOAT (“Greatest Of All Time”).
But GIAT: Goo In A Tunnel.
I hope that after the explosion, that beautiful dog, that talented dog, shook his head to clear his ears, and then crept into the tunnel to be sure. And then, I hoped, he raised his leg to give Al-Baghdadi a final send off.
GOOD BOY!
Avenatti/Katie Hill 2020!
Martin Simpson 