The ACB battle & the Screwtape Letters (posted 9/29/20)

Once upon a time, Supreme Court justice nominees were given the benefit of the doubt.  The assumption was that a president is entitled to the nominee of his choice, and Senate hearings were mostly geared to root out only unusually controversial or unqualified nominees – of whom there were not many.  Competence was sought, and it was considered unseemly to vote against someone solely based on Ideology.

But in recent years, as the SC has become a more and more powerful quasi-legislative branch, and a means for leftists to create laws that they could not otherwise get passed, every nomination becomes a life-or-death fight, and votes break down on party lines.  

The elite left has been largely responsible for the turn toward contentious, smear-job confirmation fights, the best examples being Bork, Thomas and Kavanaugh.  The latter circus left a terrible taste in the mouths of anybody outside of the hard left, so much so that it stiffened the spines of even the most RINO-y of the RINOs in the Senate. 

And now we come to the Glorious ACB.  I thought for a moment that she might escape the Kavanaugh treatment, for several reasons:

1. With the GOP seemingly having the votes to confirm her, and the timing so close to the election, rational Dems should see this as a lost cause and focus on winnable election issues.

2. She is actually a smart, disciplined lawyer, with no paper trail of outrageously controversial rulings that would justify an attack on the judicial merits.  (If there were such a thing, since the Senior Dirigible from Massachusetts slurred his way through his slimy attack on Bork.) (Mary Jo Kopechne was unavailable for comment.)

3. She doesn’t have any obvious character vulnerabilities.  She’s female, so no troubled, child-like harpie like Blasey-Ford can come forward and claim that she’s a rapist.  She’s married, and sober, with a great family and apparently no skeletons in the closet.

But I gave the hard left too much credit.  Because several slimy nematodes – and I mean no offense to the nematode-American community — have crawled out to attack ACB on the unlikeliest of grounds: her family’s adoption of two children from Haiti. 

That’s right.  She and her husband adopted two kids from Haiti.  And some on the left are crying … wait for it… RACISM!

Nematode #1 is a piece of work named Dana Houle, a self-described policy analyst and political consultant for Democrats.  (And by the way, after the performance of the national Dems over the last several decades, I’d suggest finding a more well-respected professional title than that.  Possibly something like “NAMBLA lobbyist,” or whatever job description was on Ghislaine Maxwell’s business cards.  “Personal assistant to an influential Democrat fundraiser who definitely did not kill himself,” maybe?)

So Dana slithered to his computer and started tweeting out nefarious-sounding rhetorical questions about whether anyone has investigated ACB’s adoption of two Haitian children, referring to how many Haitian adoptions are “unethical” and “maybe illegal.” 

What the hell is this moron talking about?  The only possible reason that adopting Haitian children could be “unethical” would be if it were done for sex trafficking purposes.  And ACB cannot be accused of doing that! 

(Besides, it’s not like a history of sexual exploitation would be a deal-breaker for the party of Jeffrey Epstein, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Anthony Weiner, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, et-freaking-cetera.)

Another lefty “journalist” named Christine Grimaldi – and never has “grim” been so aptly included in someone’s name – accused ACB of “weaponizing her white womanhood,” which sounds a little kinky, but most definitely is just deeply, deeply stupid.  She also accused ACB of “using her Black children and child with Down syndrome to score political points.” 

Think about that, the next time some pinch-mouthed socialist whines that conservatives lack compassion.   Because we’ll raise and love kids with Down syndrome, rather than compassionately aborting them, like Grimelda Grimsky, and some of us may even adopt Haitian kids, rather than compassionately exterminating them, like Planned Parenthood founder (Saint) Margaret Sanger. 

And no trifecta of hateful lefties would be complete without a whitey-hating racial arsonist/academic.  Enter Ibram X Kendi (the “X” is for “X-tremely vile), a “scholar” at Boston University’s Center for Antiracist Research. 

(And though I just now heard of this center for the first time, I already know enough about it – its stupid name, and that it hired Ibram X Kendi – to call for its immediate closing.  And possibly dynamiting, following by salting the site, so that no other center can ever grow there again.)

In a quote that proves both Kendi’s hateful nature and his inability to properly use scare quotes, he says, “Some White colonizers ‘adopted’ Black children. They ‘civilized’ these ‘savage’ children in the ‘superior’ ways of White people, while using them as props in their lifelong pictures of denial.” 

Not satisfied with excreting one of the worst quotes of this century, he follows up with this gem: “I’m challenging the idea that White parents of kids of color are inherently ‘not racist’.” 

Yes.  Because what better proof is there that a white family is deeply racist, than that they find black children in desperate need and save their lives.  And then inflict upon them such racist horrors as “healthy meals” and “clean clothing” and “decent medical care” and “safe shelter.” 

(THAT’s how you use sarcastic scare quotes, X-Box!)

You almost have to feel sorry for the lefties who are faced with the upcoming ACB hearings.  (I said “almost.”)  With an election so close that they can taste the opportunity to finally get rid of the Orange Menace, they are suddenly hit with this 11th-hour confirmation nightmare, like a plague brought down upon their misshapen heads by a just and hilariously vengeful God.

One of my favorite writers was C.S. Lewis, and one of his best books was The Screwtape Letters, a fantasy piece featuring a senior demon giving instruction to a newbie demon on how to torment human subjects.  (If you haven’t read that yet, finish reading this column first.   Then consider hitting the Tip Jar at Martinsimpsonwriting.com.  But THEN run out and get a copy and read it immediately.)

While reading the truly evil sentiments above, I couldn’t help but think of Lewis’ demons, locked in their infernal strategizing.  So I imagined what it must be like to be a fly on the wall in a conference room filled with these kinds of demons, thinly disguised – oh, how thinly! — as far-left political consultants.

Political Consultant 1: Okay, the rumor is that Trump has a nominee. What do we know about her?

PC 2:  She’s a woman.

PC 1: Crap!  There goes the insanely unsubstantiated rape claims.

PC 3: But she’s white!

PC 1: Now you’re talking.  The race card is on the table!  How white is she?

PC 3: Almost as white as Elizabeth Warren.

Disembodied voice of Hilarious Reason:  #wemustneverstopmockingher

PC 1 (glowering): Who said that?!   (After no one will admit to it, he goes on.)  So she’s super white.  Did she marry a white guy, too?

PC 2: Yes.

PC 1: That’s good.  We can work with that.  “Why didn’t she marry a person of color?  Did she discriminate when she was dating?”  That sort of thing.  Do they have kids?

PC 3:  Yes, like 5.

PC 1: Five!?  What are they, Catholic or something?

PC 2:  Yes, in fact.

PC 1:  Ooh, that’s good.  Text Senator Palpatine from California.  “The dogma lives loudly in this one!”  She’ll know how to spin it.   Moving on, I bet the kids are all preppy-looking little private schoolers.  We can use that too: “Look at these perfect Stepford children!  They can’t know what it’s like to suffer in life.  They don’t have any problems, or any obstacles to overcome.”

PC 2:  Ummmm.

PC 1:  What is it? 

PC 2:  Well, the youngest kid… has Down syndrome.

PC 1 (snapping his pencil in anger): Mother-friender!  You have got to be scheiss-ing me! 

PC 3: Maybe we can use that, though.  We could suggest that they were selfish, bringing a kid like that into the world, as though his life mattered, and was worth living.

PC 2: That sounds risky.  What kind of shameless arschaffen would say that out loud, in public?

PC 1: Get that “journalist” on the payroll – Grim Reaper, something like that?

PC 3: Nice use of sarcastic scare quotes, boss!

PC 1: I know, right?  Okay, so we’ve countered the Down syndrome gambit.

PC 2:  Ummmm…

PC 1: What is it?

PC 2:  She and her husband also… adopted a couple of foreign kids.

PC 1: Schiff on a shingle!  Adoption too?  (thinks for a moment)  Okay, maybe we can spin this.  A couple of white nationalists like these, I’m sure they went to some lily-white country and picked out a couple of blonde, blue-eyed Hitler-youth types to carry on their Master Race.  Where did they get the junior Aryans from? 

PC 1 looks around the table, but nobody will meet his eyes.

PC 1:  Where?  Norway?  Sweden? Denmark? 

PC 2 (clearing his throat):  Haiti.

PC 1 (leaps up and throws his laptop against the wall): Are you friending kidding me?!  This is turning into a bottomless cluster friend! 

Everyone stares at the table, while PC 1 struggles to get control of himself, before flopping back into his chair.

PC 1: At least tell me that the Haitians were hot teenage girls, so we can start a smear campaign.

PC 2:  Ummmmm…

PC 1: If you tell me that they have Down syndrome too, I’m going to stick this friending pen right through your friending skull!

PC 2: No, no!  No Down syndrome.

PC 1:  Good!

PC 3: But the girl was 14 months old when they got her, and only 11 pounds, and in danger of never being able to walk normally again.

PC 1: And?

PC 3: Now she’s a track star.

PC 1 (throwing his coffee cup against the wall)  I swear to Marx, I will friending KILL YOU!  What about the other kid?  Let me guess, he’s got a heart murmur and a cleft palate, and he’s legally blind?!

PC 2: No he’s completely healthy as far as we know.

PC 1: Thank Alinsky for small favors!  Was he at least snatched away from a happy life in Haiti?

PC 4 (in a very small voice): He was adopted at age 3 after an earthquake destroyed his village.

PC 1:   NOOOOOO!  

(He leaps across the table and begins to strangle PC 4 by his necktie.)

And, scene.

Avenatti/ No-friend-y “X-Box” Kendi 2020!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s