Here, in no particular order, are some of the things I’ve been thinking about lately.
First, you stay classy, leftist hate-mongers.
If there are still any undecided voters out there – and great googly moogly, what does it take to make up your mind when the choices are this stark, for good and bad?! – I think it’s been instructive to watch the compassionate left’s reaction to Trump’s getting Covid.
I understand it: we all love us some schadenfreude. I’ve enjoyed watching Imhotep Pelosi getting some scheisse for traipsing mask-less through a salon after lecturing us about how not wearing a mask makes you a selfish pig.
I’ve enjoyed watching Cankles McPantsuit getting caught with her hoof in the Russian cookie jar after accusing Trump of colluding with the Russians with whom she was actually colluding.
I’ve even celebrated the death of a few people. The terrorist masterminds whom Trump took out with a drone in Iran, for example, and the antifa terrorists who tried to kill Kyle Rittenhouse and got righteously shot when it turned out that rifle beats skateboard.
I’ve also made some jokes about some folks after their deaths, most recently RBG. Were those jokes tasteless? You can decide. (Spoiler alert: no.) But they were jokes.
If you’ve seen any video or read any tweets from our leftist pols and celebrity “betters” lately, one thing is clear: these creeps ain’t joking. They’re going full Hannibal Lecter, spewing hatred and bile, and they are dead serious.
I hope the electorate is watching.
Second, I’m looking forward to Comma-la’s VP debate. She has been flying under the radar in terms of how much she’s been hiding from the press, if only because no presidential candidate has ever hidden as much as Biden has been doing.
And she has good reason to hide. Because she is a terrible candidate. I think people have forgotten what an early front runner in the Dem primaries she was, and we on the right under-estimate what a colossal feat it was for her to flame out so ignominiously.
Because we’re not a racist, identity-politics-obsessed mob like the far-left Dem base, we don’t appreciate the importance they place on which genitalia and skin color a candidate has. But Comma-la was the only two-fer in the primaries.
Pastor Pete had the gay, which was cancelled out by the white and male. Spartacus had the black, which was cancelled out by the male and room-temperature IQ. Bernie had the Jewish, but they don’t care for that particular minority on the left. Marianne Williamson had the bat-guano looniness… but they all do.
Grandma Squanto had the female and the abrasiveness, but no amount of buckskin dresses and “crab a la Cherokee” recipes could disguise her blinding whiteness. (#wemustneverstopmockingher)
But Comma-la had the femaleness and the quasi-blackness. And she rode those enormous advantages to the dizzying heights of 7% in her home state’s Democrat primary polls, before dropping out.
She wasn’t even able to convincingly play the race card against Joey Gaffes, the most colorless candidate since Edgar Winter ran for the Ontario school board. (That little girl? The one who made even leftists groan when she praised the universally hated practice of racialist bussing? That little girl was Comma-la.)
And she hasn’t gotten any smarter. A couple of weeks ago she had a softball interview during which she was asked questions that you would think were un-muffable. And she muffed the hell out of them!
She kept referring to the late Supreme Court justice as “the notorious BIG.” (Even I know that Biggie was a 300-pound black man, whom you wouldn’t think you could confuse with a 90-pound Jewish lady with the posture of a jumbo shrimp.) And when asked who her favorite living rapper is, she picked Tupac Shakur.
Who died 24 years ago!
Because a CO fan who works undercover in the entertainment industry is a source of mine, I also know some of Comma-la’s answers that didn’t make print.
For example, when asked to name her favorite living Italian politician, she picked Julius Caesar. Her favorite living German leader? Frederick Barbarossa. Her favorite living American politician? Joe Biden.
So…yeah.
Third, you’ve probably seen the video of the female Trump-hater in traffic, who – when she saw some Trump supporters waving signs on the side of the road – engaged them in a trenchant debate, making many thoughtful points that, in their own small way, enriched our political dialogue.
HA! I kid! She flipped them off and screamed incoherently. Then she stuck her head out the window and gave them the double-bird, snarling in rage.
Hilariously enough, her foot slipped off the brake pedal, and her car jumped forward and rear-ended an SUV in front of her. Then she flipped off that driver – because how dare someone sit in their car in an orderly manner in front of Princess Rationality von Self-Control?
And then the cops who had been sitting in traffic several vehicles behind her, walked up to her car to explain that 3rd degree D-baggery is actually a traffic offense in Texas.
Reports that she is going to be one of the questioners during the confirmation hearings of the Glorious ACB are unconfirmed.
Finally, the pigeons are coming home to roost for the America-hating goons in the NBA, and they are defecating all over the league’s profits.
Game 1 of the NBA Finals last Wednesday featured two of the game’s most high-profile franchises (LA and Miami) and stars (LeBron and Anthony Davis). And in a nation that is starved for sports after a months-long pandemic-induced sports drought, Game 1 drew only a 4.1 rating, and 7.4 million viewers, which was the lowest Finals game ratings since those ratings have been kept.
To which the only compassionate response is HA! HAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
The NBA brain trust who had thought it was a good idea to encourage their whitey-hating players to insult America and cops and apple pie – while also taking time out to rhetorically fellate the brutal dictators in communist China – thought to themselves, “Okay. The deplorable fans needed to get their little hissy fit out of their system. I’m sure they’ll be back for Game 2 on Friday.”
You don’t need me to tell you what happened on Friday. But I’m going to anyway, because I can’t wipe this smile off of my face.
The 7.4 million Wednesday viewers dropped to 4.5 million on Friday, and the ratings slid to a 1.9.
1.9!
To give you an idea of how bad that is, Game 2 was beaten out by the Home Shopping Network — who was running a four-hour feature on Electric Toothbrushes from Around the World – and the South Korean amateur soccer contest between the Seoul Dragons and the Incheon Inscrutable Cellists. And that was a regular season game – not even the playoffs! (The smart money there is on the Busan Moe-Haircuts, for those of you who trust your favorite bookie, Uncle Martacus.)
On the bright side, Game 2 did manage to just edge the “Watching Paint Dry Network.”
But that might be because they had a re-run from July that featured three consecutive hours devoted to “Semi-gloss on exterior window trim in intermittent sunshine.” (The closed captioning for that program read, “And here we see the semi-gloss – I think the color is “ivory,” or perhaps “bone” — which has just been applied with a natural-bristle, 2.5-inch angled sash brush…” followed by “zzzzzzz” for the next two hours and 58 minutes.)
Hey LeBron, let me get my #2 pencil and my spiral notebook, so I can record your thoughts about how outraged I should be when a career criminal sexually assaults a woman and fights with the cops until they have to shoot him.
And don’t forget to lock up the gym when you idiots are done!
Avenatti/ Trump-hating, Bird-Flipping Driver Harpie 2020!
Martin Simpson 