Today I’m not going to write about what a truly terrible start the new administration has gotten off to. I’m not going to discuss the disastrous and dishonestly named Covid Relief bill, the flood of illegals being illegally waved in to the country, or the egregious HR1 that threatens to remove all reasonable fair election standards in our nation.
Many of you have already been discussing those, and more intelligently than I can, considering that thinking about any of them for more than 2 consecutive minutes envelopes me in a toxic mix of sorrow and incoherent rage. And then I rhetorically stomp around dropping f-bombs in a Beowulfian fury, trying to invent new curses that are bad enough to fit this parade of leftist horribles and their evil deeds.
Arschaffen, the whole lot of them! They ought to be ashamed of themselves. If their parents are alive, they should curse the day they felt the first spark of attraction that led to the birth of these hateful idiots. Their children should be mortified, and tell their schoolmates that they were raised in an orphanage.
I’m just glad that Joe Biden didn’t live to see what a gigantic cluster his administration is turning out to be.
But, as I said, I’m not going to dwell on any of that. Instead, I’m going to focus on doing good in the world, by mocking some mock-worthy imbeciles, and celebrating a few small karmic rib kicks received by a few oh-so-deserving leftist hacks.
First, you’ve probably heard that it’s not over until the plus-size singer of indeterminate gender begins to croon. (Yes, I’m up on my new, woke translations of offensive sayings, thanks for asking.) Well, it looks like that’s about to happen for Andrew “the Covid Kid” Cuomo.
At this point, it’s probably easier to gather all of the leftist female political staffers in the state of New York, and ask anyone who has NOT been propositioned or groped by the Grandma Killer to raise her hand.
I know, it would have been nice for lefties in NY to throw Cuomo under the A-train just because he was tossing sick oldsters-turned-wrinkly-biological-weapons into nursing homes like a special forces team tossing flash-bangs into a Taliban safe house — and then lying about it. But the important people in that party have so cauterized their consciences that they’ve lost the ability to be offended by any bad actions by one of their own in an election year.
So now they are pretending to be offended that he treated women the way Bill Clinton, Teddy Kennedy, Harvey Weinstein and 1000 other progressive big shots have treated women. Good. I hope he keeps fighting until the bitter end!
He’s already attacked Kaiser Wilhelm von Ribbentrop DiBlasio, who has responded in kind, and a bunch of Cuomo’s erstwhile enablers are calling for his ouster. Lock all of those soul-less progressive pols into the octagon, and let the creep-on-creep violence begin!
Second, speaking of slimy swamp creatures reaping what they’ve sown, the nomination of Neera Tanden for budget director has gone down in flames. Neera’s self-immolation is especially satisfying for two reasons: First, it happened because she was not able to cover up the mountains of nasty tweets she’s been firing off in recent years.
Sidebar: I love the old saying “hoist on your own petard,” but almost nobody knows what a petard is. In the interest of staying current, I’m going to suggest an updated version: “Nasty Neera was hilariously toppled by her own tweets.”
But just as entertainingly, Tanden’s downfall provided yet another opportunity for the MSM to besmirch their own reputation even further
Exhibit A is a story I found in USA Today. It goes on for what feels like 8000 words – and some of you folks think I’m long-winded in MY columns! – using much of that verbiage to argue about how great Tanden is. (“Brilliant policy mind… child of a single mother…would have been the first south Asian” blah blah blah.) But the article only tangentially refers to the toxic tweets that she regularly aimed at nearly everyone, mentioning only in passing that she deleted “more than 1000 tweets” before her nomination.
Andrew Klavan has pointed out that for the MSM, any story about a GOP scandal focuses on the GOP scandal, but if it’s about a Democrat scandal, the story is about the way the GOP “pounces.” The Tanden story is a great example.
Consider this excerpt: “Tanden, who burnished her reputation as a longtime aide to Hillary Clinton and later played a key role in the Obama administration’s Department of Health and Human Services, faced a bruising confirmation process in which she was forced to repeatedly apologize after Republicans skewered her over previous statements about their colleagues.”
The quote starts with what the writer thinks is a compliment. (Hint: For regular folks, longtime connections to Hillary and Obama’s HHS are NOT something you should brag about, and the verb we’d use is not “burnished,” but “tarnished.”) Then it turns to the real problem: Republicans. Mean, bullying, icky Republicans.
Those troglydytes “bruise” her, and “force her to repeatedly apologize” and “skewer her.” And what has caused all that bruising and skewering? Why, her “previous statements about her colleagues.”
You will not be surprised that the writer somehow never got around to quoting any of those “previous statements.” Which, if you’re a cynically minded type, you might attribute to those comments not being “statements,” but the small-minded, bilious insults of a juvenile creep trapped in a grown woman’s body.
My favorite part of the story is when the author locates Carl Tobias, a “nominations expert.” Shockingly, that “expert” turns out to be a biased, leftist academic. Even more shockingly, Tobias excretes a biased, leftist take on the issue: “After four years of disparaging Trump tweets, it is difficult to see why GOP senators were so offended by Tanden’s tweets,” he said. “It’s unfortunate but it does not seem to be a major setback.”
Gee, I guess maybe it’s not a major setback. But it’s at least a Neera miss. (Boom! Dad-joke upper-cut when you least expected it!)
That is rich! I’m not going to defend all of Trump’s tweets, or deny that many of them were juvenile and/or offensive. (And, admit it, often high-larious).
But Campaign Carl doesn’t seem to realize that his charge of implied hypocrisy goes both ways. If it was wrong for conservatives to overlook Trump’s disparaging tweets but raise hell over Tanden’s, isn’t it just as wrong for Dems to spend 4 years on a fainting couch over Trump’s tweets, and then excuse Tanden’s?
Yet oddly, Tobias seems to see the hypocrisy as one-way, implicating conservatives only.
Carl, here’s a little corrected re-write of your self-owning quote that would be just as accurate as yours: “After four years of howling that Trump should be convicted of treason and executed for his disparaging tweets, it’s difficult to see how any self-respecting Democrat could look ze-self in the mirror after shamelessly excusing Tanden’s equally egregious tweets.”
You’re welcome.
Finally, we turn from a lummox to a Lorax. Yes, I’m talking about the latest ridiculous outbreak of leftist symbolic book burning, this time involving the works of Dr. Suess.
As frequent readers of this site know, I am loathe to toot my own horn, sing my own praises, or even mention my fantastic reputation among those who appreciate top-shelf hilarious genius-ness.
But I feel compelled to point out that this is not the first time that censorious twits on the left went after Dr. Suess, and that I was ahead of the curve in mocking them.
Let me share this excerpt from my column archives, from September of 2017, when I was already on the case:
“Speaking of fine literature, Melania Trump was asked to help celebrate National Reading Day by choosing some children’s books to donate to one school in each state. She picked some Dr. Seuss books that she has enjoyed reading with her son.
When the books arrived at a school in Massachusetts, the leftist librarian there said, ‘We appreciate the generous gifts for our students. Even though we have our differences with the White House, we’d really have to be petty, small-minded a-holes to politicize this totally inoffensive gesture. Thank you, Mrs. Trump. PS, love the stilettoes. I wish I could pull those off, but I’m frumpy and unattractive. And yet, it hasn’t made me bitter, and I’m not at all tempted to transfer my rage at my own disappointments into confrontational, nasty political fight-picking.’
HA! I tricked you! That’s not what she said at all.
What she said was that Dr. Seuss books are full of racism, and that the American education system is broken, and most kids are poor, and it’s all Trump’s fault. Now please shove these books up your infuriatingly attractive rear end, Melania. (Those are not direct quotes, but they capture the stunning, ill-mannered gracelessness of her response. Read it, and tell me I’m wrong – I dare you.)
Like you, my first instinct was to laugh at the absurdity of claiming that Dr. Seuss books are racist. But, because I take my awesome responsibility of reporting to CO nation seriously, I decided to do my due diligence. It’s been a long time since I read Dr. Seuss, and I have to admit that I had forgotten a lot of it. So I went to my local library.
I was shocked to find that she was right! Consider these Dr. Seuss titles that I had not remembered:
The Cat in the Pointy White Hood
Green Eggs and Miscegenation
The Grinch Who Stole Kwanzaa
One fish, Two fish, Red fish, White Supremacist
Horton Hears a Racist Dog Whistle
So good job, leftist librarian! You keep fighting the good fight against reality, self-awareness and good manners.”
Cut to three years later, and the leftist censors are only getting worse.
I’m shocked that they haven’t gone after “Horton Hears a Who.”
The most famous line of that story is, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”
I can’t believe that Biden’s masters at Planned Parenthood are going to let that subversive thought stand.
So buy that book while you still can!
Avenatti/ “Senior-Slaughterer” Cuomo, 2024!
Martin Simpson 