In honor of the new month, and the state of mind that recent events threaten to put me in, I’m going to open this column with a quote from great American novelist Herman Melville’s great book, Moby Dick:
“Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off – then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.”
I can’t say that that’s exactly how I feel as this November dawns. I live in north Florida, where November isn’t typically damp and drizzly, but dry and (finally!) pleasantly cool.
But if I watch too much coverage of the terrible administration that currently besets my country with a thousand griefs and irritations, I can understand what Melville was talking about. Except that I fantasize about doing more violence to arrogant pols than knocking their hats off.
And rather than taking to sea, the mood drives me to take to my computer and vent my spleen, lower my blood pressure, and join with CO nation in mocking the cavalcade of imbeciles who are doing more damage to America than the worst 19th century nor’easter could ever do.
Let’s start with a golden oldie from two months ago: Biden’s shambolic implosion in Afghanistan.
Our MSM is doing their best to see that that debacle goes down the memory hole. But to be fair them, Biden has screwed up so many things since the end of August that it’s hard to remember a disaster so colossal that it would permanently stain any other president’s legacy.
But for Joey Gaffes, that just a regular ol’ Tuesday.
However, I think we shouldn’t forget that even his outrageous lies, in retrospect, proved to be worse than we first realized. When he botched our retreat from the ‘stan – after promising that he’d leave no Americans behind – his spokes-creeps admitted that there were “around 100” Americans still left.
Then, within a week or two, that number crept up to around 200. Then to a little under 300.
And then, this past Tuesday, a GOP senator questioned a Pentagon official with a suspiciously long title, and found out that the number today is “nearly 450.”
The way this is going, by Christmas we’ll turn out to have more Americans trapped in Afghanistan than there are members of Lizzie Warren’s extended family trapped on reservations across the entire continental US.
#youknowwhat’scoming….
#waitforit…
#wemustneverstopmockingher!
Also, just to show my work, that Pentagon official’s title was “Under Secretary of Defense for Policy.”
I don’t like the sound of “under secretary” – I imagine that Bill Clinton had a lot of those over the years. Though in his case, many of them likely had a title of “Under-Desk Secretary.” (Boom!)
And that “for policy” is a teensy bit vague, isn’t it?
Nitpickers might say that some of my titles are equally long. “Man of Ice Cream, Man of Principle,” for example.
Not to mention, “Cautious Optimism Roving Correspondent for Affairs (and Stuff)”
Okay, the “and stuff” is a little on the vague side, too. But like many renaissance men, I’m something of a roving correspondent without portfolio, going wherever my sharp tongue and razor wit are most needed. And the ceremony when the great CO himself gave me that title – it involved a scepter and a sword – imbued me with even greater powers of perception.
As opposed to the under secretary of whatever, who sounds like a dim-witted stepson of some politically connected armchair general whose main contribution has been in apple polishing and white-rage-studying.
But I digress.
In popular culture news, it’s schadenfreude-tastic that four versions of “Let’s Go Brandon” songs are near the top of the music charts right now.
In another couple of months, it’s going to look like the mid-60s again, when it seemed like more than half of the top 40 were Beatles’ songs. Only now it’s going to be more than half will be variations on the theme that Joey Gaffes sucks.
On the one hand, I can’t really applaud this. Because as the resident old “get off my lawn” guy of CO nation, my feelings about rap are well known: 99% of it is terrible, and barely music at all. And all of the current crop of Brandon songs consist of about 90% repeated sampling of that vacuous reporter saying, “Let’s Go Brandon.”
On the other hand… HA! HA!HA! HAHAHA!
If the charts are going to be topped by a bunch of hideous “music” by people who can’t sing, or play instruments, or read music – and spoiler alert: they are – better some shots at the worst president of my lifetime than one more gigantic-hind-quarters-having harpy screeching out sub-literate racial hatred and sexual obscenities.
The most recent Dem circular-firing-squad moment is the ongoing chaos involved with the hideously bloated and unnecessary multi-trillion-dollar infrastructure and “build-back-better” bills. Even including Obamacare, it’s hard to imagine pieces of legislation with more lies built into them.
Just off the top of my head: There’s precious little “infrastructure” in the infrastructure bill, unless you count “human infrastructure.” Which you shouldn’t. Because there’s no such thing, and these liars just pulled that made-up term out of their Schumers to serve their nefarious political purposes.
(Like when they described George Zimmerman as a “white Hispanic.” Or when they called violent orgies of assault and arson “mostly peaceful protests.” Or when they lauded Bruce Jenner as “the greatest female athlete of the year.”)
Also, the nominally $3.5 trillion bill, “is not going to cost a penny,” says the creepily whispering Crypt Keeper.
Incredibly, the greatest threat to this gargantuan, destructive, far-left wish list comes from the truly lunatic left, for whom it doesn’t go far enough! Moonbats like Jayapal, Tlaib and the squad have thwarted Biden and Pelosi’s attempts to pass the idiotic $1.9 trillion bill, unless they can pair it with a vote on the more idiotic $3.5 trillion bill.
To which a grateful America can only say, “You go, ladies! Stick to your principles, and don’t allow a vote. Let’s go, moonbats (clap clap clapclapclap)!”
Calling that group the “progressive” wing of the party has to be one of the most laughable euphemisms ever. They are all trying to “progress” back to the good old days of 1917, when the Bolsheviks and Mensheviks were in a bloody civil war to see which group of communists would take the forefront in the battle to impoverish, persecute and control millions around the globe.
On second thought, that sounds about right for this bunch.
And in the middle of this melee, Biden is looking even weaker than before, which I would have not thought possible. He begged for a passed bill before he went to Europe, so he could step off the plane and have his Chamberlain moment, waving a worthless piece of paper in triumph… because he doesn’t remember who Chamberlain was. Or what happened next.
And he didn’t even get that.
The Saturday photo op from the summit meeting with world leaders tells the story. In the past, American presidents were always near the center of the picture, reflecting the centrality of the US in world affairs.
In this picture, Biden is the farthest from the center, on your far left (appropriately) as you look at the pic. He was practically out in the parking lot with the valets! Where, coincidentally, he would have done less damage to US prestige.
(Rumors that he was actually out there, doddering around in front of the gas-guzzling limos that climate change virtue-signalers always drive — looking for the hand crank to start them — are unconfirmed.)
Back at home, Biden’s toxic unpopularity has threatened the VA governor’s campaign of Terry McAuliffe, an odious old Clinton hack who should be a shoo-in, given VA’s blue demographics and his opponent’s political inexperience.
But Terrible Terry admitted that Biden’s unpopularity is causing him problems. Late in his flailing campaign, McAuliffe called in Obama to campaign for him, and Obama gave the kind of partisan, arrogant, mean-spirited screed that should remind us of the kind of man he is.
He dismissed GOP arguments about condescending, unresponsive government, and derided the protests about a girl who was raped in school – and then had her story denied and covered up by leftist school officials. He scolded voters who got angry about corrupt school officials silencing parents and denying sexual assaults as people who want to “waste time” on “these phony, trumped up culture wars” and “fake outrage.”
Ugh. Obama has always been a small, small man, and it’s infuriating to see him portrayed as this classy, above-the-fray character. His glib veneer is as thin as his skin, and he’s as rough-elbowed a partisan as anybody in Washington. He isn’t even a very smart politician.
I mean sure, he’s smarter than Biden. Small woodland creatures and single-celled organisms are smarter than Joe Biden.
But an intelligent pol would never have given that speech. He’s coming to a Dem state, where the well-known Dem candidate is being killed by a story about the obnoxious arrogance of Dem school officials. A smart pol would have entered to a rousing playing of “Hail to the Chief” and some upbeat music, and used his residual popularity to talk up McAuliffe and rally the base.
Instead, Barry stomps in and berates the voters, mocks the outrage of those who object to rape as “fake,” and throws gas on the school story fire. He seems oblivious that he embodies the offensive elitism that has been hurting McAuliffe’s chances.
I would have loved to see Ken Doll Newsom lose his CA recall race, but the voters of CA proved that they haven’t suffered enough yet. I am hoping and praying that the Virginia voters are smarter than that!
I guess we’ll find out on Tuesday.
Avenatti/Captain Ahab, 2024!
Martin Simpson 