Thanksgiving is upon us, and I am feeling very thankful, despite the rough times our country is going through right now. The lasting, truly important things are a source of consolation: covid is pretty much in the rear view mirror in Florida, my Wonder Dog is at my feet, scotch is in my glass, America is still the greatest country in the world, and Christmas is coming.
Also, my daughter saved a life this month. In case I haven’t mentioned that before. 😊
On the flip side, the fleeting things – like our current political convulsions – have recently begun to look like they will be even more fleeting than we thought.
Many people have correctly identified August as the month when the wheels completely came off of the Biden administration, with the unthinkably stupid and botched withdrawal from Afghanistan.
But I think that when we look back at November, we’ll see that this has been the month when the cascading bad results reached critical mass, and established what I hope will be an irreversible downward momentum — through the mid-terms and beyond — for the Dems.
I’m very sorry that our country has to go through this, but a lot of pain was pretty much baked into the fecal cake (Duncan Hines’ worst-reviewed product line ever) when Sleepy Joe took office. The silver lining is that even the most apathetic and a-political among us now seem to recognize the cosmic terribleness of this administration.
The month began with an unprecedentedly bad off-year election for the Dems around the country. Then Mayor Pete took off for 2 months in the middle of a supply chain crisis, and no one noticed he was gone. Or was glad when he came back.
Biden went to Europe and literally could not keep his sh*t together, Obama was just as bad in Scotland, and the Dems’ poll numbers have sunk like the rocks that Hunter is fond of smoking. When Kyle Rittenhouse was rightly found innocent, the left beclowned themselves in ways guaranteed to alienate moderates and sane Dems next year.
Dem infighting has broken out into the open, and the only thing keeping Joey Gaffes from a coup is that Que Mala is even worse!
Most tellingly, the elite leftists refuse to learn, and are doubling down on their worst decisions. They’re explaining why inflation is good, low gas prices are bad, teaching your kids to be racist is anti-racist, and using guns to defend yourself against their violent foot-soldiers is also racist.
So naturally, gun sales are through the roof, parents are bringing pitchforks to school board meetings, and half of the entries in the Top 40 are songs on the theme of “Let’s Go, Brandon!”
But it’s not just the last several months; this entire year has been a much-deserved disaster for Joey Gaffes. So as we prepare to feast and be grateful, let me look back at Biden’s year so far:
The only bright spots for him have been the passage of two horrendous spending bills, neither of which has helped his polls. Even in a moment of “victory,” he manages to hurt his own cause. When he was trying to make some light-hearted remarks on his big bill-signing day last Monday, he talked about how he used to work with all American governors back when he was Obama’s VP.
But because he’s always been a petty little man – even before he became a petty little shadow of a man – he took a shot at Sarah Palin, apropos of nothing. He said that he’d worked with all governors, “Save one. She can see Alaska from her porch.”
D’oh! It’s bad enough that he’s interrupting what passes for a “big moment” in his presidency to insult a former, non-influential politician in the other party. It’s worse that the insulting line was never even said by Palin; it came from Tina Fey, who played Palin saying, “I can see Russia from my house!”
But Biden can’t tell Tina Fey from Sarah Palin. At this point he probably can’t tell Tina Fey from Charlie Tuna.
In fact, he couldn’t even get a famous, one-line SNL joke right. What sense would it make for Palin – who lives in freaking Alaska! – to say that she could see Alaska from her house, you dimwit?
I guess we can be glad that Biden didn’t try to dip into the rest of his favorite SNL lines, lest we would have been forced to groan through his rendition of, “We’re just two mild and lazy guys!”
Or, “I’ve got a fever, and the only subscription is more cow-catchers!”
Or, “Live, from… you know… you know the place … it’s Arbor Day Night!”
Biden has had the worst first 10 months of a presidency ever, with the possible exception of William Henry Harrison, who fell ill after giving a marathon inaugural speech in freezing weather, and died within a month of taking office in 1841.
In Harrison’s favor, at least he managed to die with dignity, and didn’t besmirch his reputation and torment the nation the way Joey Gaffes is doing right now.
In 10 short months, Biden has helmed so many disasters that it’s getting difficult to keep them all straight, even though we’re still in the same calendar year when this parade of calamities befell us!
He engineered the most disastrous military withdrawal since Hannibal got drunk and passed out on the back of one of his war elephants, which then carried him back over the alps, resulting in him abandoning his troops. Only Joe wasn’t drunk – just stupid.
(Actually, I just made that up about Hannibal. Because there is no actual historical precedent for any commander ever doing anything nearly as stupid as Biden’s plan to pull out the military first, and THEN try to evacuate vulnerable civilians.)
He promised to end covid, but has seen more deaths in his term than happened in Trump’s. He promised that vaccinated people couldn’t get covid, after which the covid virus achieved self-awareness, said, “Let’s go, Brandon,” and immediately started infecting vaccinated people.
He took the most efficient supply chain the world has ever known and turned it into the Long Island Expressway at rush hour after a 12-car pileup. He tripled the inflation rate, then strangled all domestic gas and oil production and refining that he could, turning an energy-independent nation with low fuel prices into Venezuela North. Then he went on bended knee to the world’s worst thugocracies and begged them to sell us more gas.
He turned a border problem into a border crisis, and then into a border conflagration. Next up: border-mageddon!
He’s spent more of other people’s money faster than Britney Spears’ dad and Hunter Biden, combined!
Let me sum it up this way:
In his first year in office, the President of the United States went to Rome, and pooped on the Pope…
(let me engage my Sam Kinison filter)
…and that DIDN’T EVEN MAKE THE TOP 10 LIST OF THE WORST THINGS HE’S DONE THIS YEAR! OH!! OHHHHHH!!!
It’s been a long 40 years, and it’s only been 40 weeks.
Avenatti/Britney Spear’s Estranged Father, 2024!