I Get Biblical About Political Follies (posted 3/7/22)

As all mortal men, I’m often tempted to take the low road, while the better angels of my nature pull me toward the high road.

An example of the former: as I contemplate the nature of our political opposition, I am tempted to write another vomit-themed column.    

As you may remember, in my column before the state of the union, I wrote an appreciation of Oklahoma Dem House candidate Abby Broyles, who made what I think we can all agree is an unorthodox campaign stop recently. 

By which I mean that she attended a Valentine’s Day sleep-over with a bunch of middle-school girls, where she got drunk, made some catty comments about some of the girls’ appearance and Hispanic ethnicity, and then vomited in their shoes.

I know what you are thinking: this gal sounds like a long day, but she would still be a good choice to bring some energy to Biden’s 2024 ticket, once he throws Que Mala under the bus. 

And you’re not wrong. 

That’s the kind of column I might write, were I to give in to temptations to take the low road.  

But – as is said by every pol who gets caught in a humiliatingly revealing scandal – that’s not who I am.  Instead, I’m going to take the highest of roads, and apply a Biblical analogy. 

As today’s text, I’m taking a verse from Proverbs: “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool returns to his folly.” 

(See what I did there?  Some of you were primed to be offended by my crassness, but then I went all Old Testament on you.) 

Now I’m no Thomas Aquinas, but I think today’s Scripture can obviously be applied to today’s Democrat party, who are continually proving that they are incapable of learning from their mistakes.

Exhibit A comes from today’s foreign policy headlines: only a short time after Donald Trump had made America an energy exporter by incentivizing fracking, oil exploring and drilling, Brandon took office and reversed course.  In 12 short months, gas prices went through the roof, and we were once again reduced to begging the miscreants in Russia and the Middle East to sell us more oil. 

This is what we call the,“Honey, Rusty has upchucked on the Welcome Mat again!” stage.

But before you can grab some paper towels and water, your senile grandpa tells Putin that if he invades Ukraine, grandpa will grab some crayons and compose a strongly worded letter of protest.

So… Putin invades Ukraine.  (I know: this is a complicated analogy.  But stay with me.)  

Now the Dems have a dilemma.  They can strengthen the worst people in the world – Putin, Iran, maybe Venezuela? – by buying their oil, thus buying Putin missiles that he can fire into apartment complexes, grade schools, and Holocaust memorials. 

This is the part where Rusty slinks ever closer to the Welcome Mat, sniffing and looking guilty.

Or – and this might just be crazy enough to work – the Dems could listen to a few sane Republicans and most of the American public, admit they were foolish to strangle our fossil fuel industry, and reverse course. 

Which would constitute whacking Rusty with a rolled-up newspaper and cleaning up the mess.

This is obviously the right course.  Surely they won’t wear Ukrainian flag lapel pins and emote over video of fleeing refugees while buying millions of dollars’ worth of oil from Putin every da—

Annnnnnd… Rusty is muzzle-deep in last night’s kibble again.

Or consider Exhibit B, from the domestic policy front.

Just a few short months ago, the national Dem avant-garde were pushing on all fronts to defund the police.  They wanted social workers and reparations and no cash bail and “the first $950 you shoplift is free!”  policies. 

That yakking sound you’ve heard for the last year is the skyrocketing cases of burglary, assault and murder, along with the sound of footfalls and revving U-haul engines sounding a stampede away from blue cities. 

Because this is an election year, our shameless Cadaver in Chief had to wobble to the SOTU podium and mumble, “Sssslution znotdefundpleece.  Zzz FUND pleece.” 

Which, if you had engaged your “dementia-to-English” translation app, came out, “The solution is not to defund the police – it’s to FUND the police!”

But the Left hasn’t turned from its folly.  It’s just waiting until after the election, giving the side-eye to the steaming pile of its pro-crime policies that are currently soaking into the living room carpet.  And if the voters don’t grab it by the collar and drag it to the back yard, the Dems will be putting the “bone” in “bon appetite” once again.    

Our progressive elites have been feeding on a steady diet of Karl Marx, Saul Alinsky, and Bernie Sanders, and that stuff will make you sick.  Our job is to keep them from forcing our country back to their folly, and allowing them to regurgitate their same failed policies, all over again.   

To close out today’s Bible drill, the most obvious allusions in the news today have to be related to the mini-apocalypse happening in Ukraine.  It’s hard to contemplate the four horsemen from Revelation – conquest, war, famine and death – without thinking about Putin’s terrible attack on Ukraine. 

But for those of you who caught our vice president’s recent radio interview, you may be aware of the apocryphal verses describing the fifth horseman: “And long after the four horsemen had ridden by, behold I saw a fifth horse, wandering, lame, and piteous.  This foul beast’s name was Stupidity, and Que Mala rode with him!”

During that interview, Harris was asked to explain the conflict “in layman’s terms for people who don’t understand what’s going on and how can this directly affect the people of the United States?” by some goof who goes by the name “Headkrack.”

Apparently Meshach and Abednego were out sick that day.   (Boom!  That’s from “Obscure Old Testament References for 2000,” Alex.) 

The VP apparently translated that request as, “please explain this to a toddler with a severe learning disability.” 

Because she answered speaking very slowly, starting with, “So, Ukraine is a country in Europe.  It exists next to another country called Russia…”

Which leads to my third and final Biblical quotation:

“Jesus wept.”

It’s been a long four years, and it’s only been 58 weeks.

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