I want to begin by apologizing that I hadn’t responded to your comments on my Friday column. (If you didn’t see that one, I talked about what it’s been like to split my time between academia and blue collar pursuits for the last several decades, until my retirement last week. It’s up now at Martinsimpsonwriting.com, if you’re interested.)
I had hesitated about writing so much about myself, since that topic is not nearly as interesting as the darkly humorous cavalcade of imbecility that’s been going on in our nation’s capital.
That’s not to say that I don’t find my own life absolutely riveting, of course! But doesn’t everyone feel that way about his or her own life? How else can you explain Dr. Jill Biden publishing an autobiography?
(You know what’s much easier to explain? Why it only sold 250 copies in a week, despite non-stop promotion all over the MSM! HA!)
But when I got a chance to get on the CO site on Friday night, I was pleasantly surprised to see how many people had responded, and shared stories of their own job experiences, and how they’ve negotiated their own paths between blue- and white-collar worlds.
If the left hadn’t turned “diversity” into such a banal, cringe-inducing virtue signal, I’d say that I’m intrigued with the diverse backgrounds and life experiences of the fine members of CO nation. Instead, I’ll just say that you all are an eclectic bunch, and getting to know you has been an ongoing pleasure.
Speaking of class differences, my navigating between blue- and white-collar jobs during the last two years of covid has given me yet another reason to resent our overlords on the left.
We’ve all seen the class-based malevolence of the “masks for thee but not for me” crowd of elitist hypocrites. Mayor Beetlejuice in Chicago, Imhotep Pelosi (D-Valley of the Kings) and Gavin “Ken Doll” Newsom – and dozens of others – were caught repeatedly flaunting lockdowns and mask mandates they enforced on the little people.
Obama’s birthday party and various Dem fundraisers routinely featured video of mask-less big shots being waited on by mask-bound serfs.
But I had a front-row seat to observe the wildly different effects of top-down covid restrictions on the elites vs blue collar workers.
Lockdowns actually made my professor job much easier. I taught from home between March of 2020 through the end of the year, and was offered the chance to continuing to do so throughout 2021, and it was pretty much all upside to me.
My commute became the walk from my bedroom to my home office, and I didn’t have to wear long pants or shoes for a year! I just had to remember to put on a button-down shirt, and not to drink from my “Leftist Tears” tumbler on screen, lest one of my fragile students be triggered, and driven to a fainting couch.
I could have even pulled a Toobin, and taught entirely bottomless, if I were a degenerate leftist instead of the model of decorum and class you see before you.
I never missed a paycheck, and never even had to worry about missing one. I never had to wear a voice-muffling and glasses-befogging – and non-covid-preventing, as it turned out! — mask.
But covid restrictions played hell with my blue-collar landlord job.
I was lucky that only one of my college student tenants backed out of his lease, but with so few college students attending in-person, almost half of the parking spots I rent out at my house near campus went empty.
My third rental building is zoned residential and commercial, and was occupied by a small business with 10 employees. The owners were set to re-sign for another two-year lease right before covid hit, but they could only get 3 employees to come in to work, so they didn’t re-sign, and the building went empty for the next 15 months.
I lost around $57K in income, and it could have been worse! Our class-warrior political leaders announced a rent moratorium, giving tenants the right to stiff their landlords, and squat in their buildings without paying rent. So they didn’t have to pay their rent, but I still had to pay my mortgages.
Thankfully, I live in a free state with a great governor, so the squatting tenant caucus never gathered the clout here that it had in states run by the likes of Squatting Bull Warren. (#wemustneverstopmockingher)
Also, if my tenants would’ve ever announced that they wouldn’t be paying their rent anymore because Joe Biden said they didn’t have to, I’d like to think that the murder they’d see in my eyes would have dissuaded them.
But enough about my riveting life. Let’s talk for just a moment about two of the more unhinged lefties’ reactions to the leak of Alito’s Roe v Wade draft.
First up is an alleged comedian that none of you has ever heard of named Laurie Kilmartin. (And just for the record, I don’t care for that last name one bit!)
She was on an MSNBC panel (which: kill me now) discussing the leak. She said that if she knew who the leaker was, she would, “make sweet love to that person, because that person is a hero to me.”
I’m reminded of Nina Burleigh, a White House reporter for Time magazine who famously said that she’d be “happy to give Bill Clinton [oral sex] just to thank him for keeping abortion legal.”
I’m no board-certified sexologist, but I would say that if you get aroused when thinking about the chance to abort your child, you are doing sex WRONG!
But Kilmartin was not done putting the “punch” in punchline. Because she followed up with her own take on Henny Youngman’s old line (“Take my child… please!”), by saying that if she later found out that the leaker was a conservative, she would then “joyfully abort our fetus, and let them know.”
Ugh. Stay classy, MSNBC!
The second ridiculous leftist comments came from NPR’s Nina Totenberg.
By the way, unless my German is shakier than I think, her last name translates loosely as “Death Town.”
So today’s two abortion enthusiasts are named Kilmartin and Death Town. Coincidence?
I think not.
Anyway, after general agreement that the leak was a breach of ethics, Totenberg showed the kind of good judgment you usually find on NPR, saying that “the most likely theory” and “the leading theory” is that a conservative clerk leaked the Alito draft.
Which makes perfect sense… if you just suffered blunt force trauma to the head.
You can tell that it was NOT a liberal who leaked it, because if it had been, liberal meretrixes would be offering all sorts of sexual congress to the leaker, and leftist loons in Handmaid costumes would be marching around in public singing abortion carols, and chanting buffoons would be protesting at justices’ houses to try to galvanize public opinion and bully them to change their opin—
Death Town had to admit that another theory exists, but she did it in the quickest, most rhetorical throat-clearing way possible, saying, “And then there’s another theory that it was an outraged liberal clerk,” before immediately returning to her “damn Occam’s Razor—full speed ahead!” fantasy: “But I think the only one that makes sense” is that a conservative did it.
One thing is clear: the court should release that judgment immediately. I’ve heard arguments that some justices may still be writing their own opinions and want more time, but a logical cost/benefit analysis would argue against that. Alito’s opinion was written in February, and we’re halfway through May. It’s time to paint or get off the ladder, slow-walkers of opinions!
Allowing this outrageous harassment of justices by the “peaceful protestors” is just one more indictment of the feckless and terrible Biden administration, and all of its creepy enablers.
Especially since those idiots are clearly trying to intimidate and bully the conservative justices into changing their position, the best course is to release the opinion and make it official, and then sit back and enjoy the wailing, and gnashing of teeth!
I’ve got one more announcement: on Tuesday I’m heading up to Illinois, where two cousins and I are going to take a 5-day drive around Lake Michigan in a 1976 Cadillac El Dorado.
You may remember those cousins and that car from the trip we took last May, driving Route 66 from Chicago to LA. If you’re new to this site, you can find my daily travelogue about that trip on my website (Martinsimpsonwriting.com); just scroll down and look for it on the lower right.
I’ll be writing journal entries about this trip, too, and will post them starting late this week.
Avenatti/ Loose Laurie Kilmartin 2024!