I’ve Recovered from the Wedding, & Turn Back to our Political Scene… Yikes! (posted 7/22/22) 

One more time, let me thank everyone for the well wishes for my newlywed daughter and her new husband, now in Colorado.  After I posted a pic of her in her wedding dress last week, I thought I’d post one of her at age 3 or so, showing her patriotic spirit and holding a flag.

If you look at that pic – now up at Martinsimpsonwriting.com – and conclude that my wife and I were indoctrinating her early about the virtues of our great country, you’re not wrong!

But now that her honeymoon is just starting, the rest of us have to face the fact that our national political honeymoon with the Biden administration ended around… 19 months ago, if my math is correct.

As usual with this administration, it’s hard to sift through the various weekly dumpster fires and train-wrecks and choose ones which to talk about.

For example, Joey Gaffes has had the kind of week we’ve (sadly) come to expect from him.  He went to Israel and talked about “the honor of the Holocaust.”  Oops.

His best moment – seriously – was when two female Holocaust survivors started to get up to greet him, and he had them stay seated, and knelt down to talk to them.  Which was sweet.

Plus, he managed not to sniff either of their hair.  So, win/win! 

In fact, he pulled off the hat trick, because part of the ceremony was for him to “rekindle” an eternal flame at the Holocaust memorial, and he did that without setting himself or the Holocaust survivors on fire.   I’m sure that most long time Biden-observers would have taken the over on that bet!

Then he came back home for a rest, and then flew back to meet with the Saudi ruler, to beg him to produce more oil. 

Which we desperately need, because Biden’s first priority in office was to cripple our ability to produce our own oil, while also calling the Saudis a bunch of low-down dirty dogs to whom he’d never give the time of day.

Oops.

So now Joe’s puppeteers – er, caretakers – I mean, ADVISORS! – had a dilemma.  Because of the self-inflicted wound of their own idiotic policy, they had to go and kiss Saudi butt.  Which already was not a good look. 

But if Biden shook hands with the top Saudi, that would make for a terrible photo op, especially after Brandon’s tough talk about how he’d give that oil-soaked monster the ol’ Corn Pop treatment if he ever saw him.

So – prepare to be shocked – the Biden brain trust made a bad situation worse, by combining the worst possible choice – they’d fist bump, not shake hands! – with the worst possible excuse: We’re worried about covid, so a handshake wouldn’t be prudent. 

Never mind that a fist bump makes for a worse photo op than a handshake would have, since it is an oddly more informal and friendly gesture. 

The fist-bump pic looked like it should have been captioned, “Bro! You’re awesome!  Gnarly job on dismembering that dissident dude!”

“But Martin,” you’re not asking, because the answer is obvious, “hadn’t Biden just hugged and kissed those nonagenarian Holocaust survivors the week before?  And wouldn’t the covid threat to them be worse than the covid threat to young Prince Scimitar from shaking his hand?”

Yes.  Yes it would. 

And that’s reason #146,582 why Joe Biden is our worst president ever.

But Brandon wasn’t finished.  He accidentally announced that he had cancer, which he blamed on the fact that Delaware is such a hell-hole that it rains oil there. 

Then, despite the fact that he is double-vaxxed and double-boosted, he got the wu flu.  Which he has explained many times is an epidemic of the unvaccinated.

I tell ya, if he wasn’t already dead, I’d be really worried about his health!

But this week, two other lefty boneheads gave our posthumous prez a run for his money — one a perennial favorite, and one a previously unknown academic.

The academic was Berkeley professor Khiara Bridge, who appeared before a Senate committee discussing the ramifications of the overturning of Roe v. Wade.

I’ll admit that I had some bias when I first saw her testimony.   Berkeley professor – strike one.  Multiple nose rings in someone over 19 years old – strike two.

Then, everything that came out of her mouth – strikes three through nine, and the side is retired! 

She was about what you’d expect.  Arrogant, incapable of intelligent argument, and yet totally unaware of how condescending and moronic she sounded.

The third time she used the trendily dumb phrase, “people with a capacity for pregnancy,” GOP senator Josh Hawley asked the obvious question: do you mean “women?”

And from then on, Hawley played “Captain Obvious” to Bridge’s “Professor Oblivious.”

In response to Hawley’s basic question, Bridge excreted this response, which I swear I am not making up: “Many women, cis women have the capacity for pregnancy, many cis women do not have the capacity for pregnancy. There are also trans men who are capable of pregnancy as well as nonbinary people who are capable of pregnancy.”

Ugh.  If there had been someone doing sign language for this event, she could have just continually circled her right ear with her right index finger in the universally recognized indication for, “Cuckoo!”

When Hawley persisted in trying to cut through her commie gobbledygook (I miss Norm McDonald!), she called him transphobic, and said that he was a threat to all of the women with penises out there, or something.

She said that his line of questioning is dangerous, and claimed that 1 in 5 transgender people have attempted suicide. (She appears never to have considered whether this might be because they suffer from a mental illness in the dysphoria family.)  Hawley incredulously asked, “Because of my line of questioning?”  

This is how clueless she is: after several obnoxious, aggressive, simple minded and tendentious responses later, she tossed out a challenge to Hawley, asking, “Do you believe that men can get pregnant?”

When he gave the obvious answer – “No.” – she snapped, “So you don’t think that transgender people exist!”

The self-satisfied smirk on her face is clear: she actually thinks that she’s caught him in a gotcha moment, rather than revealing her own delusional vapidity!

The icing on this four-layer cake of crazy is that dozens of leftist internet sites disseminated this video far and wide, crowing that Professor Nose-Ring had “schooled” Hawley.  THIS is the best they’re capable of. 

As a reminder: This “professor” who can’t tell who has babies was testifying as an expert in… wait for it… reproductive rights!

Well done, lunatic fringe! 

Our other contender for worst leftist this week was our old friend and incompetent bartender, AOC.  (If you had ordered scotch on the rocks in the bar where she worked, you’d have a good chance of getting a drink with actual gravel in it.) 

She had two entries in the low-IQ Olympics in the past 7 days.

First, when some troll-y guy heckled her on the capitol steps, calling her his “favorite big-booty Latina,” she reacted badly. 

Obviously, his comments were rude, and out of line. 

Everyone knows you’re supposed to call her a “Latinx,” not a “Latina.” Duh.

AOC initially tweeted about it, and then showed some rare wisdom by taking it down, explaining, “I posted about a deeply disgusting incident that happened today on the Capitol steps, but took it down bc it’s clearly someone seeking extremist fame.”

But because her egotism and immaturity knows no bounds, she couldn’t help herself, and soon posted part of the video.  In that post, she claims that she wanted to “deck him,” – violence is never the answer, Sandy! – but “I needed to catch a vote more than a case today.”

Because that’s how tough Latinas talk in the mean streets of lily-white Westchester!

I have two favorite parts about this story.  First, in her initial post describing the encounter – before the entire video was posted by the troll and by her – she said, and I quote, ““This guy followed me up the capital saying “look at your juicy a**”, “you***Latina“ & bunch of other disgusting garbage…” 

If you watch the video, he did refer to her “big booty,” called her his “favorite, sexy Latina,” and said that she was “hot like a tamale.”

Again, those comments are rude, and he was obviously trying to get a rise out of her.

But I love that she editorialized to make his comments worse – indicating that he used vulgarity – and to compliment her own rear end.  She is the only one who called her behind “juicy.” 

Paging, Dr. Freud!  You’re needed in AOC’s office.  Bring a notepad and your copy of the Greek myth of Narcissus.

My other favorite part is her breathtaking hypocrisy and lack of self-awareness.  She whined that the capitol police didn’t do anything to stop the troll. “It’s just a bummer to work in an institution that openly allowed this, but talking about it only invites more. Just really sad.”

This from the same smug jerk who only a week earlier had mocked Justice Kavanaugh’s well-founded concern for his family and safety when a gaggle of leftist mouth-breathers began picketing around his house, and one of them traveled cross country to try to murder him.

And when Kavanaugh was stalked and harassed and forced to flee a public restaurant, Sandy tweeted, “Poor guy. He left before his soufflé because he decided half the country should risk death if they have an ectopic pregnancy within the wrong state lines. It’s all very unfair to him. The least they could do is let him eat cake.”

Ignore the blatant lie in the middle of that tweet – this dullard wouldn’t know an ectopic pregnancy from an erector set, and neither one of them is illegal in any state.  She could not care less that a Supreme Court justice had been actually threatened, and is being actively stalked by small mobs of her unbalanced co-religionists.

But when one lone troll – clearly a jerk, but just as clearly no serious threat to her – says something she doesn’t like, she immediately gets her dress over her head in feigned hysterics.

And yes, we get it AOC — we all know how hard that is to do, when you’ve got to tug that dress up over such a large, juicy derriere!  We’re sick of hearing about it.

As for me, I can’t comment on AOC’s posterior.  Because as I may have mentioned in earlier columns, when I first laid eyes on my wife more than 30 years ago, all other women became invisible to me.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t recognize a colossal arse when I see one.   

And I’m looking right at you, Sandy from the block!

Avenatti/ Professor Nose-Ring, 2024!