A Few Enjoyable Departures, & More Lefty Shenanigans (posted 8/22/22)

I don’t usually open my columns with a Buddhist koan, but one story in the news this week brought a famous one to mind: “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

That’s right – Jeffrey Toobin is out at CNN. 

Much like Giant, Dishonest Human Thumb-impersonator Brian Stelter, Toobin put the best face on his departure, claiming that he was leaving rather than being fired. 

But insider reports indicate that that was not the case, noting that nobody shook his hand on the way out.  I mean, what else could explain that kind of treatme—

Oh, wait. 

After 20 years in “journalism,” Toobin – a double major in Biased Reporting and Onanism at Harvard – is reportedly working on a book.  Which is good, because you don’t want that guy out there with free time on his hands.  

Speaking of Brian “BS” Stelter, I jumped the gun when I celebrated his departure from CNN on Friday.  Because on Sunday he had his last show, and it was a thing of beauty.    

By the way, on Friday I didn’t mention the name of his program, and that was an oversight. 

I recently commented on the Left’s uncanny ability to bestow perversely inappropriate names on their pet projects and policies – they call a group dedicated to preventing parenthood “Planned Parenthood,” mutilating surgeries that deny a patient’s natural gender “gender-affirming surgery,” a bill that increases inflation the “Inflation Reduction Act,” etc. 

So naturally, Stelter’s variety show consisting of one dishonest, untrustworthy source after another was called…wait for it… “Reliable Sources.” 

Stelter’s guest on his last show was leftist fossil Carl Bernstein, who has been dining out for nearly half a century on a story that a secret source brought to him on a silver platter.  

Since then, every time he gets trotted out for an appearance Bernstein can be counted on to bluster about how the mini-scandal de jour – Did Trump say something mean about Rosie O’Donnell?  Did Stacey Abrams get denied the GA governorship just because she got less votes than her GOP opponent?  Did mounted border patrol officers use their reins on their horses in the general proximity of some illegals?  — was “WORSE THAN WATERGATE!”

Stelter stayed true to form, spouting delusional nonsense right up to his last minute on air.  He referred to his sad little program as a “small but mighty show” which “punched above its weight.”  He also called it a “popular show” and “one of CNN’s highest rated weekend shows.”

Talk about damning with faint praise! Does he think that “highest rated CNN show” is a good thing?! 

It’s like saying, “the most trustworthy Clinton,” or “the sober-est Kennedy,” or “the youngest, most vibrant Democrat Senator.” 

Ugh.  His closing monologue included this gem of unintentionally hilarious irony, which I swear I am not making up: “I know it’s not partisan to stand up for decency and democracy and dialogue. It’s not partisan to stand up to demagogues. It’s required, it’s patriotic. We must make sure we don’t give platforms to those lying to our faces.”

Yes indeed.  And with the departures of Fredo Cuomo, Stelter and Toobin, we’re just a tiny bit closer to that worthy goal. 

Speaking of worthy goals, how about our society’s ongoing push to settle white folks’ hash? 

One example would be the Minneapolis Teachers’ Union signing a deal with a provision that states that if any future layoffs are needed, white teachers would be laid off first, regardless of seniority.

Because as MLK always said, “We must judge teachers not by the content of their character, or their competence, but by the color of their skin!” 

Sure, this might appear at first blush to be an instance of blatant racial discrimination.    And on second blush.  And even on third blush.

Oh, who are we kidding?  These progressive bigots are incapable of blushing.  They hate whitey, and they’re not even hiding it any more.

The story includes a textbook example of a common hallmark of leftist bias, which is the wildly different treatment of a scandal story based on the political make-up of the players.  To wit, if a conservative is caught in a scandal, the story is about the scandal

But if a lefty is caught in a scandal, the story is that “conservatives pounce” on the scandal for political gain.

In this case, the president of the teachers’ union said that the contract language “was something we are extremely proud of.”  But her VP, though equally proud of their racial bias, saw the malign influence of evil conservative story-pouncers.

She said that the story is “coming out because some Minnesotan website put it out there and the MAGA media picked it up” and waited for the MSM to “run with this story.”  But, she explained, “It’s a non-story.”  Because the contract provision concerns “the event of a layoff, and we are nowhere near having layoffs this year…. There are no layoffs.  So I ask y’all why?  Why is this a story?”

Maybe because you just voted to violate your own seniority rules so that you can discriminate against teachers because of the color of their skin? 

To be clear, I’m not a big fan of rules that dictate that seniority should trump everything else.  If Joe is a great welder who just started with our company 6 months ago, and Bob has been a terrible welder for us for 10 years, I say we dump Bob.

But that’s not the system the teachers had set up.    

On the other hand, if a bunch of white liberal teachers end up getting laid off because the feckless union they support decided that their whiteness justifies treating them like second class citizens, that will be high-larious!

If Minnesota wasn’t so far away, I would gleefully drive up there and park in front of the school on the day they were laid off.  And I would mock and laugh at them as they shuffled out to the parking lot, carrying their cardboard boxes full of BLM poster-boards and “I’m with Hillary” mugs into their sad little Subarus and Priuses with the faded “Coexist” bumper stickers on them. 

Unfortunately, it sounds like our friends in the UK aren’t doing much better than we are on this issue.  Breitbart reports that the British military is making a big push to discriminate against white males in favor of females and ethnic minorities when it comes to hiring for the Royal Air Force.   

One email showed that “suitability interviews for proposed candidates” were being cancelled, because the non-white-male candidates were getting filtered out in that process.

But it’s not as bad as it sounds.

It’s much worse. 

“The pressure and direction from senior leaders were that all female and minority candidates are to be given priority treatment” when they apply.  You might think that such an approach would de-emphasize applicants’ performance in favor of their appearance.

And you’d be right.  Per the report, “No consideration was to be given to their performance, so long as they have achieved the minimum standard.”

Stirring words, aren’t they?  Wouldn’t you just love to know that the next time you get on an airplane, or go in for heart surgery, the pilot or the surgeon has achieved the minimum standard?   

What could possibly go wrong?

Let me end with a round of “You Be the Detective!”

In today’s game, I take you to the French city of Saint-Quentin, where citizens reported that a man was “firing a shotgun without any identifiable target.”  When cops responded, the man saw them, shouted something, and fired at them, forcing them to shoot him.  (Tragically, he survived.)

Put on your Sherlock Holmes hat and try to deduce which of the following slogans he was screaming when he attacked the police:

  1. Onward Christian Soldiers!
  2. Liberte, egalite, fraternite!
  3. That government is best which governs least!
  4. Allahu Akbar!

If you guessed anything other than “D,” you’re probably feeling pretty foolish right about now.

But before you are too hard on yourself – that’s not a Toobin joke, get your mind out of the gutter! – consider the next line of the story, which I am not making up:

“Investigators have not ruled out a possible terror motive.”

Wow.  It sounds like those investigators have… wait for it… “met the minimum standards.”

Avenatti/ Carl “Worse than Watergate” Bernstein 2024!

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