Since every sensible writer in Christendom is talking about Tuesday’s election races – and since I’m not smart enough to come up with anything they’re not already chewing over – I thought I’d wrong-foot you, and discuss two other stories.
First, I’d like to give a sincere tip of the hat to my second-favorite Supreme Court Justice – no one can top Clarence Thomas for me – Samuel Alito.
Regular readers may remember that I wrote a couple of columns in June and July about the clear thought and strong writing from Thomas and Alito in the guns and abortion cases. (If you are interested and haven’t read them, you can go to Martinsimpsonwriting.com and scroll back to the last column in June and first in July.)
Now we come to this week’s court hearings of affirmative action cases, and my heroes are back at it again. Both justices reduced the pro-AA lawyers to stuttering incoherence, though to be fair to those lawyers, they were trying to defend an argument that is logically and morally indefensible.
At one point, Alito asked how the discriminating colleges decide what metrics to use for determining ethnic heritage. The poor lawyer had to admit that they rely on self-reporting from the students. Then Alito took him down a rhetorical path filled with roots to trip on and rakes to step on.
And the lawyer tripped over and stepped on every one.
Alito asked if having just one minority grandparent would allow a student to claim minority status. The lawyer said, “Yes, we rely on self-reporting.” Alito said, “All right. One great grandparent.”
The lawyer sounded like someone explaining how boys can really be girls. “If that person believe that that is the accurate expression of their identity…”
Alito said, “One great-great grandparent. Are you going to make me go on?”
And the point was made: the current discriminatory system is arbitrary and irrational, and wide open to illegitimate manipulation.
And then he brought up the mastodon in the room.
As in, the Pale Powhatan. The Albino Apache. The Translucent Tonto. Grandma Squanto herself.
That’s right, people: Slammin’ Sammy Alito went full Lizzie Warren on their arses!
“It’s family lore that we have an ancestor who was an American Indian.” [The lawyer stammers something about, “in that circumstance…it would not be accurate…”] “Well, I identify as an American Indian because I’ve always been told that some ancestor back in the old days was an Indian.”
The lawyer finally had no other option than the last resort of the leftist official: tell the truth. “Yes, so in that circumstance, it would be very unlikely that that person was telling the truth.”
Yes! Yes it would.
Finally, and maybe for the first time ever, Elizabeth Warren’s face must have been really and truly red!
On another subject, I have one other note to add to my recent thoughts on the Paul Pelosi attack.
Pelosi’s attacker was mentally ill and in this country illegally, in a Democrat-run state that has been obsessed with making sure that the police are powerless to stop people in both categories from committing crimes. That obsession made the attack possible.
To be clear, I am very sorry that Pelosi was attacked, and I pray that he will make a full recovery. Any injury at 82 is scary, and being struck by a hammer is serious no matter the age or condition of the victim.
But as I’ve written before, it would be a much fairer world if the people who pay the price for the Democrats’ horrendous crime-encouraging policies were the Dem politicians and the most committed of their supporters.
If they insist that illegals must be allowed to flood the country, those illegals should be funneled straight to deep blue areas at least, and straight into the yards and houses of the rich/extremist Dems if possible. If car jackers are to be immediately released, release them as close to the garages of Dem pols as possible.
If recidivist, predatory criminals must be put back on the streets, put them on streets as close to the pro-criminal Dems as possible, so that their future victims will be those who worked hardest to get them back on the street in the first place.
If not for the actions of his wife and her political party, Paul Pelosi would never have been attacked, because the whack-job, hemp-peddling BLM enthusiast would have been deported back to his native Canada.
Which would have been a win-win. First because he would have been Black-Face Trudeau’s problem. (And that is one fascist creep who deserves more problems.)
Second, because the whack-job would have inflicted on the world much less of his gross nudism, since freezing temperatures are not congenial for uncovered genitalia. Especially male genitalia, which I am reliably informed, begins to mimic female genitalia, in terms of becoming… um… internalized.
(If you just thought of California Governor Newsom, there’s a reason.)
As we head into this weekend – which we pray will be the last one before our partial deliverance from the gloom, despair and cultural sclerosis of malevolent leftist rule – I thought it might be fun to see what CO nation’s predictions for Tuesday are.
I haven’t run this by the Great and Powerful CO, but maybe he can put up a thread where we can all post our predictions?
I know: it feels like making overly sunny predictions might somehow jinx us, and we don’t know how much we can trust any polls after they’ve been so erratic and flawed in the last several cycles. And in close contests, how confident are we that there won’t be cheating and shenanigans?
But I’d like to hear what you all are expecting on Tuesday.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, these prayers aren’t going to pray themselves, and this bourbon isn’t going to drink itself, and I’ve got a column of my predictions to write by Monday morning.
It’s been a long 16 years under Brandon the Incontinent, but Tuesday is coming.