A Mixed Bag of Stories This Week (posted 2/24/23)

This week has given us another mixture of good news and bad news.  Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way first, and then end with the good stuff.

All three bad stories today involve people stricken with idiocy.  (You’ll remember from earlier columns that we’re supposed to say, “mummified persons” instead of “mummies,” and “people with anorexia” instead of “anorexics,” and “people of fake ethnicity” instead of “Elizabeth Warren.”)  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

Unfortunately, the subject of the first story is our president, who has been stricken with late-stage, metastasized, weapons-grade idiocy.

A year ago Biden signed the most unnecessary law since Porky Nork Kim in North Korea declared that nobody in that country could have the same hideous haircut as his.  I’m talking about the “Emmett Till Anti-Lynching Act,” which Biden signed immediately after the titular atrocious hate crime.

If by “immediately” you mean “67 years later.”

Biden pretended that lynchings are still happening on most weekdays in America, and that Americans are passionately divided as to whether they are an admirable practice or not.  Joe bravely came down on the anti-lynching side. 

Which gives all of us hope that he’ll soon be able to ram a bill through congress to stop the constant witch trials that are currently plaguing our nation.

Not to mention creating traffic jams in many of our larger cities on “Witch Burning Wednesdays.”

Of course this charade was an empty gesture by an empty suit with an empty head.

So naturally he went back for an encore last Friday, when he hosted a screening of the movie “Till” at the White House, and used the opportunity to fan the flames of racial animus yet again. 

In a disgusting lecture, he said, “You know, folks, lynching is pure terror,” and then went on to recite the way black people were hung, burned, drowned and castrated, before aiming some racial venom at the true villains: white people.

After describing how white crowds celebrated lynchings, he said, “Hard to believe, but that’s what was done.  And some people still want to do that.”

I can’t think of any public statement by a US president in my lifetime that is as hateful and slanderous as that last sentence.  And the next time any lefties try to sell the idea of moderate ol’ Joe, the great unifier, we should all throw that quote back in their faces, and then give them two choice words.  (And I don’t mean, “happy birthday.”)

No reasonable person should accept the assignment of collective moral guilt to people based on their sharing a skin color with long-dead people who did terrible things in the past.  But if today’s national Democrats are going to try that demonizing smear, we should counter that such moral guilt would certainly better fit a sub-group of people who belonged to the political party that organized, carried out and celebrated those terrible events, i.e. the Democrat party.

Not all Democrats were secessionists, but virtually all of the secessionists were Democrats.  They started the Civil War to protect slavery, and when a GOP president waged war – carried out in large part by future GOP president Grant – and defeated the pro-slavery Dems, those Dems started the Klan, and then passed Jim Crow Laws and oppressed blacks – including lynching some – for another century or so.  

Obviously, Democrats today should not be blamed for the crimes committed by their party brethren in the past.  Unless, that is, they’re going to shamefully accuse whites in general (and conservatives specifically) of still wanting to do what their party collectively and actually did.

For our second bad story, we go across the pond, to find British leftists who are as wrong-headed and Western-civilization-hating as their American co-religionists. 

The Orwellian “Prevent” project was started in the UK after the Brits noticed that many adherents of a certain super-peaceful religion had demonstrated an unfortunate tendency to murder gay people, rape women who weren’t completely covered, and self-detonate in crowded places.  So the government leaped into action, creating the counter-terrorism project and tossing it £50 million per year to “identify warning signs of potential extremism.” 

So did they zero in on podcasts like “50 Ways to Kill an Infidel,” or books like, “Jihad For Dummies,” or websites advertising, “Wembley Stadium Behead-Fest ’23?”  

They did not.  Instead they focused on the real threats: books by “far-right extremists” like Shakespeare, Chaucer, Tennyson, Milton, Orwell, Burke, and John Le Carre, and movies and tv shows like House of Cards and Great British Railway Journeys.

I’m not making that up.  Because nobody could make that up. 

It’s difficult to decide which is more far-fetched: American conservatives just dying to lynch black people, or wild-eyed terrorists getting psyched up by reading The Canterbury Tales, then chanting the “Alas Poor Yorick” speech from Hamlet as they drive a panel van loaded with plastic explosives into a crowd at the nearest synagogue.

These people are well-funded idiots! 

Sorry.  I meant to say “well-funded people stricken with idiocy.”

I read about one final bad story in a Daily Wire article with a title that sums up the depths to which a once-great state has fallen: “California Democrats Move to Ban Uses of Police K9s, Citing Racism.”

Why not?  If non-racist conservatives today can be tarred with the brush of crimes carried out by racist Democrats 150 years ago, why can’t police dogs be racist too?

And before you can object that police dogs are overwhelmingly not white – though there might a rare white Husky or Samoyed K9 – I’m way ahead of you. 

Yes, the vast majority of police dogs are black and brown.   But that doesn’t mean they’re not white supremacists, just like the black Memphis cops who shot Tyre Nichols are black white supremacists. 

And if GOP governor candidate Larry Elder can be called “the black face of white supremacy” by moron journalists in CA, you know what the police dogs will be called:

The black-and-brown muzzles of white supremacy.  

Ironically, if this unutterably stupid proposal passes, the end result will be more minority suspects getting shot.  Because as it stands right now, letting some better-trained Cassie the Wonder Dogs play a spirited game of “Bite the Criminal Like a Pork Chop” convinces a lot of previously resistant Biden-voting recidivists to give up.

But without Man’s Best Friend in a squad car, a lot of thugs are going to discover that Man’s Second-Best Friend is a service pistol. 

And they’ll be able to thank their Democrat benefactors, as they bleed out with a thorax full of bullets, that at least they didn’t have to put up with a bigoted Belgian Malinois latched on to their arm or buttocks. 

You’re welcome!

But enough doom and gloom – let’s run through a few happier stories, all of which involve watching dullards reap what they sow.

For example, NPR has announced that they are following the example of other leftist media entities (the Washington Post, CNN, NBC news, etc.), and laying off 10% of their work force.

I normally wouldn’t celebrate people losing their jobs.  But these people have been figuratively defecating on our country and everything we believe in for years.  So don’t let the door hit you on your gender-fluid behinds, wokesters!

The delicious cherry on top of this schadenfreude sundae is that the boneheads have learned nothing from the gut punch that the market is giving them.  The CEO says that despite the cuts, NPR will continue to “support our [diversity, equity and inclusion] priorities and not disproportionately impact people of color or any other historically marginalized group.”

Perfect!  Keep it up, you geniuses!   Ignore competence and usefulness, in favor of counting melanin and genitalia, and see how that works out. 

Allow me to give the disproportionately white mopes who are struggling to carry their cardboard boxes to the elevators the same advice they condescendingly gave to displaced blue-collar workers in recent years: 

Learn to code, kids! 

In other grim employment news, it turns out that Mayor Pete still has his job.  And on Thursday, he finally made it to East Palestine, Ohio. 

(Rashida and Tlaib and Ilhan Omar would have beat him to it by several weeks, because when they heard there was trouble in Palestine, they both headed for the airport.  But then they found out that it wasn’t THAT Palestine, and there was no way that they could blame the Jews for a train derailment.  So they both faded back into their offices, like Homer Simpson disappearing into a hedge.)

Pete got peppered with questions, and his responses almost reached a Que-Mala-esque level of vapidity.  But that wasn’t the worst part. 

Because he put on a hard hat for a photo op. 

He was probably going for the construction worker from The Village People look, but what he achieved was the “Dukakis in a tank” look.

As some wag on Twitter noted, Buttigieg was proven right on Thursday, because there was at least one too many white guys on the construction crew in Ohio that day!

Finally, from the “Thank God Criminals are So Stupid” files comes the story of 31-year-old Canadian crook Michael Stamatakos.  Because lefties in America’s Hat are as gullible and delusional as American lefties, they released Stamatakos early from a jail sentence for arson, with parole conditions.

Shockingly, he violated those conditions and is now on the run, with a handful of new charges, including flight, driving offenses, criminal threats and drug possession.  The hosers have put out a nationwide warrant for his arrest.

He’s just a little punk at 5’5” and 110 pounds, so you’d think he might be able to disappear into the crowds in a big city.  But since he’s a criminal, and stupid, that might be tough to do. 

Because when he wasn’t committing crimes and voting for blackface Trudeau (I’m guessing), he was spending money on really horrific facial tattoos. 

He’s got a giant, black, zipper-like set of vertical lines running from above and below both lips all the way to under both ears; solid black flame-looking things above and below both eyes and in the middle of his forehead; and the word “HA” repeated 6 times on his forehead, along with various other designs.    

In other words, he’s wearing permanent, facial anti-camouflage: heavy black markings on a little white guy in a snow-white country.  The imbecile is going to be visible from space!

I just hope that the Mounties don’t have any racist police dogs, because they’re going to take one look at his mostly black face and tear into him before he can even say, “What’s this all aboot, ay?”

“Dr.” Jill Biden/racist K9 Bull(dog) Connor, 2024!

3 thoughts on “A Mixed Bag of Stories This Week (posted 2/24/23)”

  1. You are so funny. I especially like the K9 description! Thank you for giving me a reason to smile in the midst of this political castrophe.


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