Military News, from Afghanistan to Gaza to Wounded Knee (posted 8/30/24)

Be forewarned: I got a little carried away in today’s column.  So if you dislike reading an extended dose of righteous anger and hilarious mockery, you might want to skip this one.  (But then – full disclosure – you’ll be dead to me!)

Speaking of how the Biden-Harris administration can screw up literally anything, let’s consider their record on military issues, starting with the anniversary of the fall of Afghanistan earlier this week, which provided a sharp reminder of the vast gulf between Biden-Harris-Walz and Trump-Vance.

Trump never served, but as president he intimidated potentially trouble-making world leaders like Putin, Xi and whatever weird beards were at the top of the jihadi heap at the time, and thus he presided over no foreign wars starting and drawing America into them. 

JD Vance joined the Marines and served honorably.  He was never in combat – though he was much closer to it than a certain tampon enthusiast I could name, and thus carried a rifle and a sidearm during at least part of his Marine journalist tour.  But he managed not to lie about that, or tell a bunch of self-aggrandizing tall tales about his service. 

Conversely, Biden and Que Mala never served, and although Chicom-admirer Walz did his non-combat duty in the Guard for 24 years, he also managed to leave the guard 2 years before his final commitment expired, and coincidentally shortly after being warned that his unit was going to be shipping off to the Middle East. 

And then he exaggerated and lied about his service.  He never carried a “weapon in war.” He was never any closer to Afghanistan than Venice, Italy – where Taliban terrorism killed the same number of Guardsmen as died in the small Illinois farm town where I grew up, i.e., zero.  And he did not retire as a command sergeant major, despite his assertions to the contrary over the last 18 years.

But that’s all ancient history.  More recently – as in, last week –Trump attended a wreath-laying in remembrance of the 13 US servicemen killed in Afghanistan under Biden’s watch, while Biden, Harris and Walz all avoided it. Biden and Harris released empty and meaningless statements.

But that’s all they could realistically do, politically speaking.  After their disastrous withdrawal, they couldn’t afford to show up there and mouth some hypocritical platitudes, not when the survivors’ families might pelt them with rocks and garbage, and deservedly so.

Biden had infamously performed a trifecta of stupid acts in the aftermath of the Afghanistan debacle that made everything somehow even worse: 1. He looked at his watch constantly when the bodies came back.  2 He insisted for weeks afterwards that the pull-out had gone swimmingly. 3 In the worst debate in history, he claimed that nobody had died on his watch.

Of course Que Mala behaved just as stupidly, proudly stating afterwards that she had been “the last one in the room with Biden” when he made his decision.  If that were true, Biden’s long-desired outcome was finally achieved: for at least a few moments, he really was the smartest person in the room.  (Hat tip to my old buddy Doug Olsen for that observation.)

I’m sure that the MSM – busy doing to her what she once did to Willie Brown – is in the process of memory-holing her moronic boasting.  I predict that something very close to the following paragraph will soon appear in a MSM column, if it has not already done so:   

“Well actually, the last person in the room was a janitor named Gus, who came in after Que Mala left, and woke Joe up from a nap.  And when Biden asked Gus what he thought about the decision, Gus said, “Que?”  Because he doesn’t speak English.  But Biden – because he has the hearing of an octogenarian, and the cognitive ability of a centenarian, and the self-awareness of a sea slug – thought that Gus had said, “Okay.”  And Biden went ahead with the plan.  So you can see how Kamala really had nothing to do with it.  Also she’s super joyful, and you’ll have to elect her to see what’s inside that pinata of cackle-icious joyfulness.”

But it’s hard to remember how imbecilic that whole mess really was, just as a military decision.  So let’s refresh our memory.

First, Biden wanted to rush the withdrawal so that it would correspond with the anniversary of 9/11.  Which makes less sense than an AOC press conference!  Why would he want to indelibly connect this humiliating retreat with the date when the goat-romancers over there first struck our nation and murdered thousands of our countrymen?  Because: peace through weakness, I guess?

Then he pulled out the troops first, and left the baggage train (i.e. non-combat staffers, Afghan allies, and military materiel) behind.  Which everyone since Hammurabi and Sun Tzu and Nancy Pelosi’s grandson’s schoolmate Harald Hardrada (1015-1066 AD) knows you do NOT do.  (Obscure battle of Hastings reference?  Check.)

We left literally tons of military equipment behind – worth over $7 billion! – for the Taliban.  You may remember that equipment from last week, when the Taliban paraded in it through the streets of their crappy little capital to celebrate Biden’s humiliation of the USA.

Biden flunkies in the MSM and Democrat party (but I repeat myself) tried to mock us when we said that we should have gotten all of that stuff out during our retreat.  They said, “Oh yeah?  What were we supposed to do?  Put dozens of tons of military hardware into a plane and fly it out?  Strap tanks on top of a helicopter?”

To which some of us said, “Yes.  Not the helicopter thing, you morons, but yes.  Because we have ginormous airplanes called C-130s that we use to carry all of that military stuff into and out of theatres all the time.”

And no, before you can ask, we’re not talking about Broadway theatres, with which all of you Dylan Mulvaney types are so familiar.  We mean theatres of war, which is a real term from military history and lingo.  Which none of you know anything about, because the only war you’ve ever been involved in is the war on pronouns and common sense.

Anyway, when we go to war in a hellhole like Afghanistan, we don’t usually drive our tanks there on dirt paths through the mountains.  We fly them in inside C130s.  And before you can ask how that works, let me put it in terms national Democrat leaders can understand:

When a C130 and a battle tank love each other very much – even though they both identify as male – the C130 will lower a ramp from its nether regions, and the tank will enter through that opening.  Then later on, after “landing,” it will pull out of that same opening.  And before you can say it, we know: the heart wants what it wants, and who are we to judge?

Anyway, that’s how we could have gotten all of that stuff out, saving the taxpayers billions of dollars and preventing the barbarian jihadis from getting the means to slaughter even more people. 

“That sounds like something you just made up,” said the MSM.  “Though the tank thing going in and out back there sounds intriguing to us.  But if those C-130s really exist, we’re sure that it’s not like we had any of them in Afghanistan, so they could have been used to bring that stuff out.”

To which we said, “No, no.  We had four C-130s there – along with 207 other aircraft! – and we could have flown in more, and gotten everything out.  But instead, we left all of our expensive military weaponry there, alongside the empty planes that we could have used to fly it all out.”

“Oh come on,” the MSM said.  “There’s no way we would do that.  That would be the stupidest thing ever done in the history of stupid things.”

Yes.  Yes it would.  And it was.  And you incompetents really should have looked into reporting on that.  But you were too busy playing C-130 to the Biden administration’s battle tank, if you know what I mean.   

But it’s worse than that.  Because we had Bagram air force base, which was in a strategically defensible position, outside of Kabul.  Since we had the whip hand, militarily speaking, we could have told the Taliban that we were going to keep that base – which we spent billions on, and which was a very useful place for us to maintain planes that could have given us surveillance capability and quick-response times in the region. 

The Taliban wouldn’t have liked that.  But since they were still armed with only smalls arms and some RPGs, and we hadn’t yet given them billions-worth of heavy weaponry, we could have sat back and killed them with ease if they ever tried to mount attacks on Bagram.

But no.  Biden decided to give up Bagram, and voluntarily moved our staging efforts into the middle of Kabul, at the Mazar-i-Sharif Airport.  (My Afghan is a little rusty, but I’m pretty sure that translates as, “super vulnerable airport.”) So once Biden had pulled most of our soldiers out and staged our final withdrawal from the impossible-to-defend airport, a super-peaceful Muslim suicide bomber slaughtered dozens of Afghan civilians and 13 American soldiers at Abbey Gate.

UNEXPECTEDLY!

Ugh.  It still makes me sick to think about it. 

But Biden and Harris were not done yet.  Because they’ve brought their same strategic genius to Israel.  Immediately after 10/7, they started pressuring Israel to appease Hamas, and beg them for a cease fire.  Their argument has been that Israel can never achieve peace by killing terrorists, and that the only smart path forward is for Israel to do for the Hamas terrorists what Que Mala did for Willie Brown. 

Thus they’ve done everything they can to encourage Hamas and impede Israel’s war effort.  They’ve been putting out constant stories and op-eds claiming that Israel can never achieve their anti-Hamas goals.

Annnndddd… Israel is steadily achieving their anti-Hamas goals, despite the best efforts of the Bumbler and the Cackler.

Consider these facts:

Within two weeks of October 7^th, Israel gave the “ol’ ballistic Shalom” to Hamas’ air operations commander Murad Abu Mura, head of the Nukhba commando unit Ali Qadhi, Hamas chief “negotiator” Osama Mazini, al-Qassam brigade’s military intelligence chief Ayman Nofal, and battalion commander Ibrahim Biari. 

Within the last six weeks they put down big shots Mohammed Deif in Gaza, Ismail Haniyeh in Tehran, and Fuad Shukr in Beirut.  And in just the last month, Hezbollah missile commander Hussein Ali Hussein and Al-Aqsa Martyr’s Brigade big shot Khalis al-Maqdah both went to the big Goat Brothel in the Sky. 

Not to mention the fact that al-Ghoul is al-gone, and the jihadi who decided to take a motorcycle ride in Drone Alley ended up like Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda at the end of Easy Rider.  

And it’s not just the head honchos who are achieving fruit-fly-like life spans.  The IDF has dropped the kosher kaboom on dozens of terrorist grunts in Rafah (40 killed), Khan Younis (a handful took the rubble nap, along with scores of stored explosives and rocket launchers), and a bomb-laying team in central Gaza who tried to plant explosives and experienced premature detonation.

Israel has also recovered the bodies of 6 murdered hostages from Khan Younis, and rescued a Bedouin Muslim hostage in central Gaza, and they’ve additionally discovered and destroyed more than 150 terror tunnels along the Egypt-Gaza border, turning many terrorists into underground hummus puddles in the process.

Oh, and they defeated the Rafah Brigade near Egypt, and launched a massive pre-emptive strike that took out hundreds of Hezbollah missiles and their launchers in Lebanon, shortly before they were to be fired.

Within just the last day, a major Israeli operation in the West Bank has produced mass arrests of terrorists, along with the killing of 5 top Hamas commanders, including Mohamed Jaber (who won’t be jabbering any more) in a mosque. (Because that’s where really devout religious types like to stage their terrorist activities.) 

The IDF also pursued jihadis in running gun battles that looked like something out of a John Wick sequel.  (“Itzak Wick 5: This Time It’s Biblical!”)

Meanwhile, on the same day in Gaza, the IDF struck more than 40 targets with drones, killing dozens of gunmen, and Islamic Jihad commander Osama Gadallah.  (How many “Osamas” do those creeps have?  Answer: far fewer than the IDF has drones.)   

Coincidentally, and to Biden-Harris’ chagrin, the noose is tightening around Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar, who is losing support from other terror groups in Gaza, and has taken to dressing like a woman in order to evade capture.  (Or possibly because he’s a member of our “Admiral” Richard/Rachel Levine fan club.) (Although considering Richard’s last name, probably not.)  He’s also surrounded himself with 22 handcuffed hostages as human shields.

Because he’s such a brave warrior. 

If this keeps up, if you want to see rabid America-hating jihadi anti-Semites a couple of months from now, you’ll have to go to Dearborn, Michigan or the Democrat congressional caucus!    

But hey, lest you think that Biden and Harris have not got their priorities right when it comes to all things military, you’ll be glad to know that last month, Biden’s Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin announced an important investigation on which the army will be spending a lot of manpower and taxpayer dollars. 

They’re going to focus on – I Schiff you not – whether they can revoke the Medals of Honor awarded to US soldiers in a famous battle.  You may be thinking, “Will any of those soldiers lose rank, or possibly their pensions, if this happens?”

But you can rest easy about that. Because the battle in question… let me engage my Sam Kinison filter here… HAPPENED 134 YEARS AGO!  OH!  OHHHHHHH!

I’m not making that up.  They’re investigating whether to strip medals away from long-dead cavalry soldiers who fought the Sioux at Wounded Knee in December of 1890! 

Sure, nobody today would defend what went on then; it was more of a massacre than a battle.  But today, when evil fighters are causing trouble all over the world and our armed services are missing recruitment goals because our anti-male and anti-military lunatic leadership are more concerned about DEI than IEDs or WMD, should we be prioritizing getting to the bottom of a cavalry fight between long-dead cowboys and Indians? 

Sorry. I meant, “…long-dead Eurocentric aggressors and saintly environmentalist Native Americans.”

“Yes!” say our current leaders.  In the words of an “unnamed senior defense official” – I swear to you, I am not making this up, “It’s never too late to do what’s right.”

Unless the wrongs in question were done by Cankles McPantsuit in Benghazi 12 years ago, or by Biden-Harris in Afghanistan three years ago, or by Stolen Valor Walz a few weeks ago in Chicago.  THEN it’s far, FAR too late to do what’s right.      

Rumors that the current investigation was initiated by Grandma Squanto Warren – still on the warpath because of her great-great-grandparents who died at Wounded Knee – have not been confirmed.

#wemustneverstopmockingher

Have a great weekend everybody, and don’t forget…

Hamas delenda est!