Here’s a quick mid-week potpourri column before I finish my happiness series on Friday…
In the latest example of the problems caused by biased left-wing judges and authorities in blue cities, yet another set of vandals have been given very light wrist slaps for their criminal actions, this time in Chicago. Of course, those actions were in the service of leftist politics, so in the eyes of a Cook County judge, “crimes” doesn’t seem to mean “crimes,” necessarily.
Correction: when I said “light wrist slaps,” I badly understated the “punishment” they received. So let me try a re-write: “In Chicago, yet another set of leftist vandals have been given the judicial equivalent of a long, loving look, a passionate tongue kiss, and a handy.”
Anyway, in late January these two miscreants defaced a local GOP headquarters by spray painting vulgarities and swastikas all over the building, including over a picture of Charlie Kirk. Because compassionate leftists REALLY love free speech.
Because the high-IQ pair’s criminality is as well-thought-out as their politics, they did this directly in front of a surveillance camera. Which led to them pleading guilty last Thursday. But instead of giving them months or years in prison – I mean, it’s not like they were criminal kingpin midwestern grannies who peacefully walked through the capitol for 10 minutes with a police escort on January 6th – the “judge” gave them…wait for it…18 months of court supervision, 100 hours of community service and a $100 fine.
“Court supervision” means “don’t commit any more crimes right away, or at least not in front of cameras, you idiots.” “Community service” in this case most likely means volunteering to door knock for the DNC, which these imbeciles were probably already planning to do anyway. And $100 wouldn’t even repair the damage they did.
I know what you’re thinking: these two blue-haired, facially-pierced 20-somethings don’t know any better. Give them time to mature, and they’ll probably come to realize how wrong they were.
But NOPE. The two morons in question are a married couple of retirees, aged 69 and 72! She’s a retired teacher. Unexpectedly! And he’s a retired financial planner. Unex—
Wait? What?! People trust THIS guy with their money and financial planning?
Well, those people clearly deserve to lose all of their money. And not just because they hired a financial planner named – and I swear to you that I am not making this up – “Broke McNerney.”
You read that right. Somewhere in Chicagoland there are people so stupid that they hired a man named Broke to manage their money! The bonus: it turns out he’s morally bankrupt, too.
Great job, Chicago! This is why you can’t have nice things any more.
In other “idiocy strikes in the Midwest” news, a creepy jihad-adjacent Muslim fellow named Abdul El-Sayed is running for the Democrat nomination in Michigan. In addition to Jew hatred and disdain for America, a big part of his platform is demanding that our government takes over even more control of our health care decisions. He is all-in for “Medicare for all!”
Oh yeah, also, his wife is a psychiatrist who runs a private practice in Ann Arbor. And she does not accept Medicare or Medicaid.
Because of course she doesn’t.
Shifting gears to a new Jeopardy column, let’s go to “Leftist Narcissists Who Screw Their Employers” for $100.
I give you Alan Ritchson, the gigantic actor whose work I love in the Reacher series. Sadly, Alan’s brain is not nearly as big as his body, and he has a tongue-control problem. Because he just sabotaged his own newly-released movie, Motor City, by railing against Trump, falsely smearing him as a pedophile during his promotional tour for the movie.
Annnnnddddd…it opened in 1600 theaters, and brought in a pathetic $1.6 million.
To give you an idea how bad that is, I could release some home movies of me telling terrible dad jokes and playing fetch with Cassie the Wonder Dog in 1600 theaters, and bring in $1.2 million, just from people who wandered into theaters by mistake, or in search of air conditioning.
Ritchson’s stunt was especially stupid considering that the movie is an action flick focused on a male protagonist who wreaks violent vengeance on gangsters who wronged him. Guess who the audience for a film like that is? Straight males who identify as both straight and male, and some of the level-headed women who love them, a group who disproportionately voted for the Trumpkin.
Sure, if you’re a far-left actor or actress (or some fake-gender person who acts), and you’re making a chick flick – really a dumb-chick flick, or dumb-beta-male flick – like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, or a humor-free rom-com featuring a transgender couple who travel around the US and discover that America really sucks, you could probably spend your entire promotional tour lambasting normal humans, and not affect the miniscule box office for your horrific filmic crime against humanity.
But an action movie aimed at normies? And you want to get up on your delusional soapbox and insult 98% of the public who might otherwise want to pay to see your movie? Ugh.
Ritchson joins the ignoble ranks of the Snow White actress who verbally defecated on people who enjoy fairy tale love stories right before the 250-million-dollar fairy tale love story she starred in came out, and the nobody who “starred” in Super Girl, who insulted parents of small children…who are the target audience for Super Girl.
That little production needed around $250 million worldwide to break even. And it has made right around $68 million. World-wide.
If the idiots running Hollywood have any trace of sense left, they better put boilerplate language in any future contracts – call it the “Box Office Poison” clause – requiring that any left-wing actors or directors they are foolish enough to consider hiring be required to keep their mouths shut about anything even remotely connected to politics.
Finally, someone online said that Cocaine Mitch McConnell has “rigor tortoise.”
Whoever said that, I salute you.
Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!
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Martin Simpson 