Do Leftists Really Believe in Science More than Conservatives Do? (posted 8/31/26)

I’ve been debating political issues with an old lefty buddy of mine for many years, and in his last email he repeated the claim that the Left believes in science much more than conservatives do.  What follows is part of my response to that claim.   

The idea that “conservatives don’t believe in science and liberals do” is just silly and condescending, IMHO.  All people on both sides are prone to errors of all types, especially confirmation bias: we all tend to notice and latch on to examples and anecdotes that confirm our political priors.  Hence an anti-ILLEGAL-immigration conservative can cite many cases in which illegals murdered or raped Americans, killed them in reckless traffic crashes, defrauded our welfare system of billions, etc., while an abolish-immigration-law liberal can cite some cases of abuela getting caught up in law enforcement, or a protester killed by ICE. (Even if those protestors brought about their own deaths, through their recklessness and violence during “protests.”)

So “believing in science” is absolutely not the property of one political side or the other.  But if I had to make the case of which side is more often motivated by data and what empirically works than the other, you know which side I’d argue.  And deep down, you know I’m right.  😊

It’s a cliché for a reason: conservatives are swayed more by data and results (for which their enemies call them hard-hearted and non-empathetic), while liberals are swayed more by feelings and intentions (for which their enemies call them bleeding hearts with luxury beliefs that hurt those they are trying to help).    

There are many examples – both involving actual hard sciences, like biology and epidemiology, and of treating with empirical rigor data collected in soft-science fields like demography, sociology or criminology – that I think show that conservatism generally has a much better claim than leftism to believing in science and the empirical method. 

The most obvious example is the way the elite left completely turned its back on the most basic aspects of human biology when it adopted the political and unscientific trans ideology, and then tried to ruthlessly enforce it throughout our society.  This in spite of the basic concepts that everyone agreed about until 10 minutes ago:  homo sapiens is a species that features two sexes (not counting super-rare birth defects producing dysfunctional sexual organs classified as “intersex”); that males have XY chromosomes and females XX; that no humans can change genders, etc.

Serious students of psychiatry have identified one of two conditions that describe all “transgendered people” (excepting those hopefully rare male scammers who pretend to be female in order to win athletic competitions after they had had their asses kicked in competition with other males): they either suffer from the mental disorder of gender dysmorphia, or the sexual fetish of autogynephilia. 

I know that some trans activists dispute those terms, but their position that a human can change genders is absolutely without any scientific proof whatsoever.  So it’s absurd to express the mutually contradictory ideas that “we believe in science” but also that “trans women are women.” 

That doesn’t mean that either gender dysmorphic people or autogynephiles should be treated cruelly; they’re made in God’s image like the rest of us, and deserve compassionate treatment for their disorders.  But IMHO it’s evil to affirm them in their self-destructive delusions, or to allow the more aggressive among them to victimize actual women by forcing themselves into women’s sports, women’s bathrooms and locker rooms, and women’s prisons.

But it’s not like the trans issue is the only one which leftists have responded to by closing their eyes and clamping their hands over their ears while they chanted political slogans to drown out the facts.

Over the last half-century or more, we’ve been running huge, longitudinal policy experiments testing various claims about what kinds of outcomes result from implementing various policies, and the elite left has been excessively data-resistant to those results, to put it politely.

For a few quick examples, leftist pols and social scientists have claimed that:

Stricter gun-control laws will result in fewer gun crimes.  But the opposite has proven true: the cities and states with the strictest laws have the highest gun crimes per capita (ex: Chicago and DC, and many more).

Spending hundreds of billions on Head Start programs will have long-term, positive effects in the educational achievement of recipients.  But countless studies over the last 60 years have shown a small improvement within the first two years, which then disappears completely in the following years.

Rent control will keep the cost of rent down.  The opposite has happened: while those being directly subsidized (often the upper-middle class and even the rich) have profited greatly, the cities with the strictest rent controls routinely have the highest average rents in the country.

Compensatory discrimination policies (e.g. affirmative action, DEI, racial quotas) will benefit the targeted minority groups and shrink achievement gaps between those minorities and the non-beneficiary ethnic groups.  The opposite has happened everywhere it has been tried.  (Thomas Sowell’s 2004 Affirmative Action Around the World: an Empirical Study looks at such programs in Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Nigeria and India, and documents the same unintentionally bad results.)

In none of those cases has the left demonstrated any inclination to accept the empirical data; they continue to push those policies, no matter how often and how comprehensively they have failed, and continue to fail.

And they certainly kept that up when it came to Covid!

Both sides initially listened to the alarming scientific warnings coming from the CDC and Fauci, and locked down and wore masks.  But very soon afterwards, conservatives – who generally chafe under restrictions of individual rights and freedoms – began to push for ending mandatory lockdowns and opening back up again, along with the option of not wearing masks.  By the end of the summer of 2020 – as more evidence had come out suggesting that healthy people with no comorbidities (obesity, pulmonary conditions, old age, etc.) were at very little risk of serious illness or death, and that healthy children were at EXTREMELY little risk – they were pushing to re-open schools in the fall. 

When the Great Barrington Declaration (written primarily by 3 world-renowned epidemiologists, from Stanford, Harvard and Oxford respectively) was published in October of 2020, its findings  and recommendations – which have since largely been proven correct – reflected the more libertarian/conservative leanings of its authors, along with their knowledge of diseases.  It described the adverse effects on mental and physical health of lockdowns, pointed out that the elderly and infirm were “more than a thousand-fold” more likely to die from covid than were the young, and that the flu was far more dangerous to children than covid was.  It advocated for “focused protection,” which would involve isolating and protecting the vulnerable, while allowing society to function more normally, and the young and healthy to develop herd immunity. 

The left – who generally value governmental control intended to produce safety over individual freedom – took the opposite tack.  They locked down harder and for much longer, enforcing a raft of mandates – six-foot distancing, required mask-wearing, no church attendance or other public gatherings (though they made exceptions for BLM and antifa protests since “racism is a greater threat to health than covid”).  When the vaccines came out, they coerced people into taking the shot, making it a condition for keeping your employment; many thousands of government employees (even special forces bad-asses, who were young and in amazing physical shape, and no more in danger from covid than from a meteor strike) were forced to lose their jobs or careers if they wouldn’t take the experimental vaccine.

Now I don’t blame people for their actions in the very early days of the pandemic.  There was so much we didn’t know, and at first it was an arguably prudent decision to err on the side of excess caution, and trade some of your liberty for safety, and out of consideration for others. 

But as time went on, the data piled up, and the scientific support for Fauci’s continuing yet shifting and sometimes contradictory statements became more obviously mistaken.

Forget that we now know for certain that Fauci was lying like crazy the whole time.  He had directed funding of gain of function to the Wuhan lab, even after Obama had ordered that that be stopped.  He suspected immediately, and knew very early on, that the origin was almost certainly the lab and not the wet markets.  He has since admitted that the six-foot-distance rule “just sort of appeared” – which is NOT how science f’ing works!  Notes and transcripts reveal that many scientists were mentioning the dangers of the various vaxes and boosters – to pregnant women, to especially young males who were at no risk from covid, but much increased risk of myocarditis and pericarditis from the vax, etc. And yet Fauci continued to blatantly lie about the efficacy of masks, lockdowns and vaccines, and about the real risks to the health from those things.

It’s easy now to attack the proven dishonesty of Fauci and the hypocrisy of the leftist commissars who enforced mandates on their subjects but violated them themselves (as when Newsom went to unmasked fund-raising dinners at fancy restaurants, or when Beetlejuice Lightfoot and Nancy Pelosi both went to hairdressers for private attention after they’d mandated the closing of hairdressers for the hoi polloi). 

But my point is that it wasn’t only the political priors of both sides that drove their behavior.  Because when more and more data came in, and the science became clearer and clearer – that distancing and masks were ineffective, that the continuing round of vaxes and boosters were not performing as promised, that lockdowns were doing massive economic, physical and psychological damage – the left continued to ignore the science and the data.  They doubled down on their errors.

They loved the political power and advantages the lockdowns gave them.  Teachers’ unions ruled CA, keeping schools closed for several years, long after the science proved that the children whose safety they pretended to be protecting were at no risk from the virus.  The police arrested a young, healthy, completely alone kite-surfer off the coast of California because of the supposed grave threat he posed to public health.  They shut down churches and businesses, but kept open convenience stores selling obscenely profitable (for the State) lottery tickets.  They pushed through massive use of mail-in ballots and other non-supervised voting practices that clearly helped their own political prospects.  

At this point I think it’s clear that both sides are often tempted to go down a path using “The Science™” as a politicized weapon to achieve their political goals.  (Remember when Emperor Fauci haughtily proclaimed that, “Questioning me is just questioning The Science™”  Just like when Gore insisted that The Science™ is settled, with total and unchanging consensus.) 

But again, if you’re going to argue that conservatives are as bad or worse about than the liberals are, I don’t like your chances of winning that one! 

Que Mala/Crockett, 2028!

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Personal Update (posted 5/10/26)

I’ll post a regular column tomorrow, but I’ve got a short personal post today. 

Regular readers will remember that I’ve had a really painful pinched nerve in my neck that I’ve been trying to get figured out over the last two months.  After a bunch of tests and physical therapy, I was finally able to get a clean MRI, and then see a surgeon on Friday. 

He told me that a substantial piece of one of my spinal discs has broken off – the one between C6 and C7, for those spinal anatomy fans out there – and was lying against the nerve that travels across the back and down my left arm.  He described the surgical option for removing it, and it was not the worst-case scenario, which would have involved going in from the front through the neck, and fusing two vertebrae.  He said that this chunk could be accessed from the back of my neck, and if the surgery goes well, I wouldn’t need a fusion.

Because he mentioned surgery as an option, I asked him what the other option would be.  He said that because I’ve made a lot of progress with PT – my pain is much less intense and constant than it was in March, and I’ve been able to sleep much better – I could just continue that.  Then he said, “Of course, absorption would continue, and you might be able to avoid surgery.”

My wife and I looked at each other, and I said, “Come again?  Absorption?”

And he explained that my body will break down and absorb the broken-off piece of disc.  As if that’s something that everybody knows.  Like, your blood circulates, your pupils dilate in light, and YOUR BODY CAN EAT YOUR OWN BROKEN SPINE PARTS!  OH! OHHHHHH!!

Sorry.  I can’t help slipping into Sam Kinison mode when I hear something like that. 

I also slipped into a little Forrest Gump, too.  I asked the doctor, “Do you mean I have a magic body?!”  And my wife elbowed me in the ribs, and the doctor patiently explained that that’s something that all human bodies can do. 

Okay, it didn’t happen exactly like that.  And I did chastise the doc that maybe he might want to lead with the news that my body can absorb dysfunctional parts of itself.  But that was the gist of it. 

So I’ve got another appointment six weeks from now with the surgeon.  In the meantime, I’m continuing PT and hopefully continuing my progress, and if all goes well, my magic body will rid me of this troublesome broken spinal disc over the next 6 months or so.  And I won’t have to undergo a spinal surgery that I had not been looking forward to! 

Thanks everybody, for your prayers and questions about how I’ve been doing.  And as long as I’m making a personal post, I should mention that today is my wife’s birthday, on Mother’s Day.

I met her almost 40 years ago, when she was a 21-year-old slip of a girl, and now she looks like she’s 29 or so.  She’s been a great mom and an excellent wife, and she gave birth to two great daughters, which is an amazing magic trick on par with absorbing one’s own defective spine. 

I mean, it’s not a competition or anything.  But I think she’s winning.

As am I!

So happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers who are reading this, and happy birthday to my Scandinavian Smokeshow!  

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Thinking about Ayn Rand, and Ungrateful Beggars (posted 3/28/25)

I’m working on a column about immigration for Monday, which has involved doing a little research on various immigration acts that the US passed starting in the 1870s, in a period of transition between our early nationhood and the 20th century world power that we became. 

But as I was looking into that topic, an idea kept niggling at me: the explosion of resentful, entitled people who are reacting so hysterically to every aspect of the Trumpkrieg™ that is now two months old.

As soon as I noticed this idea cropping up in many different contexts, I thought of Ayn Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged, which is a terrible great book.  Or possibly a great terrible book, depending on how you look at it. 

It’s terribleness comes from three primary flaws.  Rand was a curmudgeon, and her grimly doctrinaire atheism makes large swaths of the book an irritating slog.  Her moral worldview is cartoonishly black-and-white, which often makes her characters cardboard stand-ins for intellectual tropes.  And the book is wildly overwritten; my copy comes in at 1168 pages, and it could easily be a tight, fast-moving 250-pager.

But its greatness lies in two strengths. Rand despised totalitarian leftism the way we all should: utterly and passionately.  And the central conceit of the book was an answer to the fascinating question, “What would happen to a corrupt leftist society if its most productive citizens began purposefully disappearing?”    

Written in the mid-1950s, it presciently (if exaggeratedly) predicts the flight of productive citizens from blue to red states that’s been going on over the last 30 years or more.  As CA, NY, and IL get more greedy and socialist, talented people shrug, and vote with their feet, and take their skills and net worth to TN, TX and FL.

The most direct echoes from the book involve the kind of virtue-signaling social justice warriors who simultaneously look down on and criticize the successful people and inventors they depend on.  The book is full of Bernie Sanders-es railing about how the rich don’t pay their fair share, and Musk-hating Tesla-vandalizer types – and the villains totally agree with so many in the “resistance” now.  They’re all convinced that beggars have the absolute moral right to be choosers.    

I’m seeing this phenomenon on many foreign policy fronts, now that we’re learning how much foreign aid we’ve been indiscriminatingly showering on the rest of the world.  Apparently we’ve had a non-stop convoy of C-130 flights going 24-7, shoving giant pallets of cash out the rear cargo hold at 15-minute intervals, all over the world.

And yet the Europeans want to lecture us that we’re not paying enough for the UN, and NATO, and the “March of AK-47s” program to provide Russian small arms to jihadi toddlers in Gaza.  (It’s like the March of Dimes, except that instead of collecting dimes, we’re disbursing rifles.) 

Then, when Trump suggested that we might be shutting down the money flow to Ukraine, many Europeans lost it.  In an earlier column, I referred to the six- or seven-nation poll showing that around 70% of Europeans want Zelensky to get a lot more support… but only around 20% of them want to give him any of that themselves.

Strange.  Putin is an ocean away from us, but right on their doorstep, and they are very adamant that WE do whatever it takes to keep him within his own borders.   

Meanwhile, on the other side of the globe, Australian universities are freaking out after the Trump administration sent them a questionnaire asking whether they’ve got ties to commie or socialist parties, receive funding from China, or recognize genders other than the two real ones.  The wrong answers could potentially jeopardize $386 million US dollars (over a third of what Australia spends on research each year) in research grants.

The Aussie profs have their lab coats over their heads, demanding an “emergency meeting” with their Prime Minister about this.  One of them was “astounded” at the questions, saying that, “if this was any other country, it verges on foreign interference.”

Good lord!  Am I going to have to break out my Sam Kinison filter to explain to that dolt how she could avoid such pesky “foreign interference?”  (“Hey sweetie, you know what you might think about doing?  PAYING FOR YOUR OWN FREAKING RESEARCH! OH!! OHHHHH!!!!!”)

Seriously, why are we paying for Aussie scientists to do research?  Australia is a first-world, Anglophone nation.  They’re not some struggling sub-Saharan country desperately battling a snake-borne diptheria strain (which Fauci probably paid to create in a crumbling lab in Mombasa) that is the leading cause of death among their citizens!

Also, are American scientists broken?  If not, and if expensive research is worth doing, why don’t we do that here at home? 

And it’s not just foreigners who are stamping their feet in their clunky foreign shoes, and cussing us out in their comically non-English languages.  Lots of Americans are also threatening to hold their breath and give us the silent treatment if we don’t pony up the dough they’re used to getting.

Some of them are government workers in the crucial fields of grievance mongering, racial and gender bean-counting, and maintaining a minimal pulse rate while “working” from home.  And some of them are actually doing legitimate work that we can’t afford anymore, now that we’re the brokest nation in the history of nations.  

Woke universities are similarly out of sorts.  They’ve been happily demonizing and excluding conservatives from their programs and campuses, and rhetorically (and for all I know, literally) fellating terrorist supporters and their cosplaying allies, while gorging themselves on grant money provided by the (despised) conservative majority in the country. 

But when Trump said that the federal money flow will stop if they don’t change their ways, they became outraged, and then terrified.  Just like the sanctuary state and city governors and mayors, when they found out that they’re going to have to face the natural consequences of their arrogant defiance of our immigration laws.   

The purest distillation of this attitude appeared in the story of Trump’s proposed changes to the SNAP (i.e. food stamps) program.  The GOP is proposing a bill to ban the use of SNAP benefits to buy junk food and sodas, and the people who rely on you and me to buy their food are not happy about it. 

In a sane world, this wouldn’t require any debate.  We know that the leading health problems among poor Americans – and many non-poor Americans! – are caused by unhealthy diet and obesity, and that taxpayers are already paying exorbitant costs for welfare recipients’ health care.   So who could possibly argue that we need to buy junk food for the poor?

Big junk food companies, beggars who are surprisingly picky eaters, and the Democrats who need the sick-and-fat vote, that’s who! 

A couple of their arguments are transparent dodges.  They say it will be very hard to alter how the SNAP program works in this way.  They also say that nobody can really define “junk food,” because hey man, one person’s junk food is another person’s healthy snack, isn’t it?

Nope. This argument is even easier to debunk than its older counterpart, “How do you define pornography?”  Because you know both when you see them. 

Show any reasonably intelligent adult Stormy Daniels in a g-string, washing down a plate of chocolate chip cookies with a Mountain Dew, and he’ll point and say, “Why is that porn star gorging herself on that junk food?”

But their other arguments are even worse.  They say that the proposed bill limits personal choice, and infringes on the freedom to eat whatever you want.  Which would be true, if you were paying for the food yourself.   

But since you’re not paying for the food yourself, you should get the same offer my dad gave me when I was a kid and looking at a plate of meatloaf (again!) that he bought with his Northern Illinois Gas Company salary:  “You’ve got two choices: take it, or leave it.”

They’re also worried that, and I quote, “The bill could stigmatize SNAP recipients, making them feel judged or shamed for their food choices.” 

Hey kids, you know what else will make you feel shamed and stigmatized?  Walking around looking like J.B. Pritzker, (D)irigible – IL, unable to feel your feet (which you also can’t see), and wondering if that means that the diabetes is almost to the point where the amputations will need to start.

So get yourself off the Mountain Dew, AND the government teat.

You’ll feel better.  And we will too.  

Hamas delenda est!

Getting Through the Storm, and a Daughter’s Surgery (posted 10/2/24)

This has been a hectic week for me, and I’ve been out of the loop re: both national news and the CO site and community.  You know it’s bad when the great and powerful CO himself texted me to say that some COers have asked if I’m okay, and he suggested that I provide a “proof of life” post for my “adoring fans.” 

Did I need to quote that “adoring fans” part? 

Probably not.  But I like the sound of it, so sue me. 

Anyway, I’m still here, and thanks for your concern.

I last posted in the early hours of last Friday, after I’d inadvertently left my wife to face the hurricane alone in Florida, while I went up to Tennessee to stay with my mom, while sis and her husband took a short trip to listen to some gospel singing in east Tennessee.     

Of course the storm had been stronger than we’d expected, knocking the power off at my house, and actually causing some flooding that devastated the Carolinas and east Tennessee, causing my sister and her husband to come home a day earlier than planned.  (By the way, our power came back on after around 30 hours, and our house and rentals and tenants were all unharmed.)

But it turned out that early on Friday, the storm became much less important to us, because that morning, my daughter Katie’s husband rushed her to the ER in Denver, where she had surgery later that day.

Regular readers will remember that Katie is the best pediatric nurse in the mountain west (references available on request), and that she is an apple of her dad’s eye.  I’m not sure how much I’ve written about this before, but she was born with Hirschsprung’s syndrome, a condition involving under-developed nerve endings in the colon, in utero.  She had a colostomy and half of her colon removed when she was three days old, and then another major surgery when she was three months old.

Thankfully, she takes after her old man, in that she is as tough as a $2 steak.  She fully recovered, and after some daunting infections and hospitalizations during her first five years of life, she has been blessedly healthy since then.

Until Friday, when it was discovered that she had many adhesions throughout her intestine, unwelcome leftovers from her long-ago surgeries and internal scarring. 

Before Friday, if you’d asked me, “What is the longest and most painful four and a half hours anyone can experience?” I would have said, “Listening to Que Mala Harris trying to answer a straightforward question.” 

But now I know that I was wrong.  Because my Katie was in surgery for four and a half hours, during which my wife prayed and worried in a dark house in Florida, and I did the same in rainy Tennessee.  While we were waiting, we contemplated how we were going to get flights to Denver from two different towns in the aftermath of a storm that had caused havoc at the local airports.

Then the news arrived: her docs were fantastic, and she’d come through the surgery like a champ.  They’d initially tried to do the operation laparoscopically, but when they got inside and saw the extent of the scarring, they realized they’d need to open her up more comprehensively. She’s got an impressive scar, but thank God the docs didn’t need to take out any more of her bowel.

Before the surgery she had been hesitant about my wife making the trip out until she saw how the surgery went, but afterwards, she wanted her mom there.  (Mom was chomping at the bit, and I’m not sure it would have made a difference.  Apparently there is a Norwegian-American rule to the effect that once you’ve given birth to someone, you have the inalienable right to go see them whenever they’re sick, and regardless of their feelings on the issue.  Or so she explained.)

So it was decided that I’d keep the home fires burning, while Karen flew to Denver on Saturday.  Katie will be in the hospital for another three or four days at least, with her husband and mom nearby. 

As always happens after a very bad scare, the world seems a little more vibrant now.  Colors are brighter, food tastes better, and politics seem like insignificant annoyances.  Our prayers have been answered, and our worst fears averted, and life is good!

Tonight, for the first time in nearly a week, I started paying attention again, and watched the VP debate.  I’ll have more to say on Friday, but when our opponent confesses on tv that he’s a knucklehead, and our guy does so well that the partisan moderators have to turn his mic off, you know things went well for the good guys. 

Speaking of which, if I were in the Iranian government, I wouldn’t be answering any phone calls, pages, texts, or radio messages anytime soon.    

Hamas delenda est!

Whiny Hunger Strikers, & Hillary’s Play Bombs (posted 5/13/24)

By the time you read this, I will be flying to Massachusetts with my wife and youngest daughter, to spend the better part of a week sightseeing with my oldest and her husband, culminating in watching her receive her Masters in nursing at Amherst.  This will likely mean a cold and Simpson-less Friday (i.e. no column that day), but I trust that you all will soldier on.

In the meantime, there are too many things for me to talk about, so I’ll do the best I can.

First, I love me a good hunger strike.  In fact, I have been known to participate in a few of my own.  When I was ages three through about six, for example, I regularly conducted hunger strikes.

Most often on meatloaf night. 

I would begin by advancing my argument, which ran something like this: “C’mon, meatloaf again?  This has to violate the Geneva Conventions!  You can’t even tell me what kind of ‘meat’ this is.  It’s literally a loaf of undifferentiated meat!” (I had a precocious vocabulary at age 3.)

My dad would respond with tales about being born in the depression, and being offered rock soup with a dandelion salad, and all of it sprinkled with coal dust from the mines where grandpa worked 18 hours a day.  And all 8 Simpson kids were glad to have it, and would sometimes even fight over who could have a second bowl of rock soup. 

I would propose a compromise wherein I would give the dog my meatloaf, and I would have a bowl of Captain Crunch. 

Eventually, dad would arrive at his final offer.  “There are two choices for supper tonight: take it, or leave it.” 

Check and mate.

Fast forward to now, and students at Princeton are less mature than I was at 3. Thus the young hunger-striking woman who is now being roundly mocked for her dramatic reading – from text on her phone – of her complaint:

“This is absolutely unfair.  My peers and I, we are starving.” [Sweetheart, it’s a HUNGER strike.  Are you really complaining about being hungry during your self-imposed hunger strike?!]  “We are physically exhausted, I am quite literally shaking right now, as you can see.”

Have you ever seen video of the police interrogating a sociopath after a horrific crime?  The sociopath will often pretend to cry, looking down, covering her eyes, asking for a tissue, and using it to wipe away non-existent tears?

This was like that.  And you know how I also know that her supposed shaking wasn’t genuine?

Because SHE READ IT OFF A PRE-WRITTEN SCRIPT ON HER PHONE!  OH!  OHHHHHH!  (That’s right, I slipped a little Sam Kinison in on you.) 

The only way her bad acting could have been more transparent would be if she were to “pull a Biden,” i.e. inadvertently read her stage directions aloud: “I’m literally shaking, as you can see.  Shake now.  Pause.  Continue reading.”

Next, she actually said these lines: “We are both cold and hot at the same time.  We are all immuno-compromised.”

Yes, if by “immuno-compromised” you mean “riddled with STDs and a severe case of narcissistic personality disorder.”   

And “hot and cold at the same time?”  That’s not a thing.  I mean, if you’re kicking heroin cold turkey, you might have alternating chills and fever.  But not at the same time.  And not because you skipped a few meals.

By the way, did you see those “hunger strikers?”  Some of them would tip the scale in the gray area between Whoopi Goldberg and Lizzo, so I don’t think going on a diet of water and (I’m guessing) surreptitiously gobbled protein bars is going to be life-threatening for them.

The moral of the story?  When I was three, stomping off to bed without eating meatloaf never forced my parents to bring a big bag of Fritos and a bowl of chocolate ice cream to my room.   

And a bunch of crybully Ivy League brats pretending to dab at fake tears with their keffiyehs ($29.99 at Amazon, made in China) and faux-fainting is not going to result in the murder of all the Jews in Israel.  Sorry kids.   

Hilarious hunger striking aside, the weekend was full of widespread interruptions of graduations.   Some ceremonies were cancelled entirely; others were disrupted by stupid chanting and walk-outs.  Jerry Seinfeld was the graduation speaker at Duke, and that event was interrupted by a bunch of selfish jerks getting up and chanting and waving a “Palestinian” flag as they marched out.

Because I’m a cautious optimist, I can see two very silver linings on this pro-terrorist cloud:

1. The shenanigans are mostly affecting leftist colleges with leftist administrations in leftist-run towns, which means that the majority of the inconvenience and disruption is being suffered by those who tolerate and even support it.  So they can suck it, Trebek.

2. The antics of these morons – wrapping a George Washington statue in terrorist headgear, blocking traffic, burning American flags, violating various vandalism, harassment and trespassing laws – are infuriating to normal people.  They’re making more people hate them every day, and they’re creating a widening rift within the Democrat party. 

So keep it up, numbskulls!  If we can’t have you dispersed, chased and charred by a pack of flamethrower robot dogs – and tragically, we apparently cannot – the second-best outcome is for you to identify yourselves to the rest of us, and build a huge backlash against your political goals.

(By the way, I was hoping to put my new flamethrower in a checked bag for the trip to MA, but my killjoy wife nixed the idea.  So if some Hamas-lovers disrupt my daughter’s graduation and are allowed to escape burn-free, she’s going to hear a lot of, “I told you so” next weekend!)  

In other news, Hillary Clinton has produced a Broadway play called, “Suffs.”  It is nearly three hours long, and tells the story of the women’s suffrage movement a century ago.  It also features an “entirely female and non-binary cast,” including a gal who plays President Woodrow Wilson.

And it is bombing.

UNEXPECTEDLY! 

The show’s promotional material notes that “Suffs boldly explores the victories and failures of a struggle for equality that’s far from over.” 

Um, the suffrage movement was about getting women the right to vote.  They won that in 1920, which my abacus tells me is more than a century ago.  So no, the “struggle” is not “far from over.” 

Judging by the box office, neither is Suffs.  In fact, I’d guess that it’s very close to over.

By the way, as I was about to post this column, I saw an update on the Princeton hunger strike, which I swear I am not making up.

The day after the “literally shaking” gal gave her brave speech from the edge of the grave, the original 13 hunger strikers ended their strike.  Because they were very hungry.  Unexpectedly!

But never fear, because as their nightmarish bout of peckishness ended (just in time!) seven new strikers took up the cause.  Or, as their press statement describes it, “In the tradition of rotary hunger strikes, 7 new strikers are indefinitely fasting for a free Palestine.” 

Is that not brilliant?  A “rotary hunger strike!”  It’s like hunger striking, but then when your stomach starts growling, you pass the baton to another Jew hater who is willing to skip brunch. 

Only instead of a baton, it’s a footlong sub sandwich.  Which you then mow through like a woodchipper, because you haven’t eaten in several hours. 

Which gives me an idea.  I propose that all of us in CO nation begin a rotary hunger strike, and we keep it up until all of our demands are met.  Or at least our first three demands: 

1. All student pro-Hamas protestors be arrested and expelled.

2. All non-student pro-Hamas protestors be arrested and deported to Gaza, even if they are American citizens.

3. The $80 billion appropriated to hire more IRS agents be redirected to the manufacture and purchase of a giant army of flamethrower robot dogs, half of which are to be immediately sent to American college campuses, and the other half to the southern border.

If we all sign up to skip just one meal, we can keep this rotary hunger strike going on definitely!  Who’s with me?

I’ll go first.  I hereby volunteer to skip supper on Meatloaf Mondays.

Hamas delenda est!