If I could start on a serious note, I really am troubled by the growing hostility between the political right and left in our country. I want to believe the optimistic clichés — what unites us is greater than what divides us, we can disagree without being disagreeable, we all want the same things, even if we differ about how to achieve them.
And I can meet Democrats of good will half-way, and admit that our side is far from perfect. I know that Trump has his obvious flaws, and the GOP has betrayed some of key promises that it ran on (repealing and replacing Obamacare and beefing up border security chief among them), and etc.
Bottom line: I really, honestly don’t want to turn into a one-note, leftist-criticizing machine.
But I can’t help it. Because ALL of the nationally elected Democrats are TERRIBLE!
I know you’re thinking, “Oh come on Martin, some of them are probably oka—”
ALL OF THEM! It pains me to say it. Even more than it pains me to use ALL CAPS. If I weren’t such an urbane sophisticate, I’d stoop to using many poop emojis to express how terrible they all are.
You don’t have to take my word for it. (Though by now, don’t you know me well enough that you should just reflexively take my word for it?) Consider the ones who AREN’T running for president, starting with the high-profile fresh faces of 2018: Rashida Talib, Ilhan Omar and AOC.
These are the new Three Democrat Stooges, only with much less intelligence and ability to entertain. (And MUCH less Jewishness, coincidentally.)
In a recent speech, Omar said that the terrorism-adjacent troublemakers at CAIR formed their organization in the wake of 9/11. In fact, it was actually formed in 1994. But to be fair to Omar, that was after an earlier Islamic attack on the World Trade Center. (You can see how she might get those mixed up, what with all the attacks by all of the jihadi groups from the Religion of Peace™ going on pretty much all the time.)
But Ilhan’s faulty time-line isn’t what made her speech infamous. That came from her super-sensitive phrasing: “CAIR was founded after 9/11 because they recognized that some people did something, and that all of us were starting to lose access to our civil liberties.”
Ignore that she can’t read a calendar, and that she doesn’t know what it means to lose your civil liberties. (Though here’s a social experiment that Omar could try: Walk through any city in any Muslim-ruled country on earth wearing your favorite Star-of-David t-shirt. What happens next is called “losing your civil liberties.”) (Also, your life.)
“Some people did something?!” Nice.
Does anyone else think that if Ilhan was around in 1946, she’d say, “Somebody did something in Germany, and now there seems to be a lot fewer Jews in Europe.”? And that she’d be smiling a truly evil smile as she said it?
When GOP freshman congressman (and one-eyed, bad-ass ex-soldier) Dan Crenshaw joined every sane person in the country in objecting to the hateful little anti-Semite’s grotesque distortion, the Bronx Bartender leapt into action. After first stepping on three rakes in a row – each of which left her looking a little more googly-eyed than usual, AOC stumbled to her phone and launched a twitter defense of her fellow fresh-faced dimwit.
She blasted Crenshaw for not supporting 9/11-related legislation that he voted for, tossed out a laughably-wrong stat about how right wing extremists are the real terrorist threat, and then challenged him, “Why don’t you go do something about that?”
She really said that. A woman who spent her adulthood living in mommy’s house and screwing up drink orders, while Dan Crenshaw did three tours of duty fighting the kind of evil people whom Ilhan Omar cannot bring herself to criticize, had the gall to challenge HIS commitment to fighting terrorism!
I only wish the little dope had the integrity to look him in the eyepatch and say that.
Rashida Talib also jumped into the fray, with this little verbal gem accusing Omar’s critics of distorting her meaning: ““They do that all the time, especially women of color, they take our words out of context because they’re afraid because we speak truth, we speak truth to power.”
Ugh. Are people really still saying “speak truth to power?” What’s next, a timely “Tippecanoe and Tyler Too!” reference?
And the “out of context” is almost as stale. No one took her out of context. I saw the quote in a half-dozen news stories, and it was always accompanied with context. And it’s not a subtle statement, Achmed Obvious – no one has to bring in a squad of code breakers to decipher her sneering point.
But the Malicious Minnesota Mohammedan wasn’t finished. Apparently stung by normal people taking offense at her obnoxious quote, Omar referenced W’s impromptu bullhorn speech: “The people — and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon!” President George W. Bush. Was Bush downplaying the terrorist attack?”
Good lord! I don’t know which is worse: if she’s pretending to be this clueless, or if she really is this clueless.
On the off chance that she is capable of learning, I hope that someone close to her will explain the galaxy-wide difference between her statement and Bush’s. Differences like:
1.He made his speech right after the attacks, when we didn’t yet know for sure which group of evil scumbags were behind it. (Though the smart money even then was not on Shecky Weinberg and his vaudeville troupe, or the Quaker Resistance Movement.) In fact, if Bush had gone with everyone’s gut instinct and referred to “the Muslim terrorists who knocked these buildings down,” disingenuous hacks like you would have blasted him as Islamophobic.
2. Your speech was last week. Since I know that calendars and telling time are not your strong suits, I’m going to help you out: that’s roughly 18 years after 9/11. And we now know who the “some people” who “did something” were. You should look into that, Ilhan.
3. Bush wasn’t downplaying the terrorist tragedy the way you were, and when he said that “they’ll hear from all of us soon,” he didn’t mean that he was determined to find a good cell number for them, you idiot. He was threatening them, and the country cheered that statement. Because that’s the natural response when a bunch of hateful weird beards attack your country and murder thousands of innocent civilians.
Yikes. I was just about to start on the new lows reached by the Dem presidential candidates, but I fear that doing so may make me choke on my own bile. So I’m going to write about them in a day or two, and instead turn to a palate-cleanser, in the form of a feel-good story in the news.
Julian Assange has finally been arrested!
As a small government conservative, I think there is a place in a free society for whistle blowers who publish truths that the government wants to keep secret. But as a non-moron, I also know that there is a huge difference between leaks that keep the bureaucrats honest, and leaks that threaten the lives of our soldiers and the people who risk their lives to help us.
I need to learn more about the details, but I’ve read that one of Assange’s leaks gave terrorists classified info that allowed them to thwart US efforts to defuse IEDs, and that others exposed brave civilians who helped us, resulting in their torture and deaths.
If that is true, I think Assange deserves the death penalty.
But since he will likely never get that in our feckless justice system, I like to fantasize that he’ll beat the rap. Then, when he comes home to his nice apartment, he’ll walk in holding a bag of groceries like Matt Damon at the end of The Departed. And there he’ll see an ex-soldier, the buddy of one of the guys who got killed because of Assange’s leaks, wearing gloves and booties and carrying a silenced pistol.
On the other hand, as long as I’m imagining happy endings, I’ll bet the South African lion who ate that poacher last week is probably hungry again by now. Maybe we drop Assange off in that African state park, wearing some Sears Tuff-Skins jeans and with some barbecue sauce rubbed into his hair.
The next day, we give a reporter a tip, and he arrives at the park to find a lion with a red muzzle, picking his teeth with what looks like part of a human femur bone. This lion, strangely enough, is also Italian, and he sounds just like the guy DeNiro called from the phone booth outside of the diner in Goodfellas.
When the reporter says, “Have you seen Julian Assange?” the lion will say, “Well, we had a problem. And we tried to do everything we could.”
“What do you mean?” the reporter will ask.
“You know what I mean. He’s gone. And we couldn’t do nothing about it.”
“Are those his jeans and skull?”