My Rich Fantasy Life (posted7/13/20)

All of us have our fantasies.

Sometimes they might involve a spirited “Q&A session” with Kayleigh McEnany. Or letting loose one’s Wonder Dog on an armed criminal, like in the exaggeratedly violent scene at the end of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Or winning a Pulitzer and then rejecting it with a scathing speech about terrible past leftist winners like that racist harridan who won for the error-riddled and hateful “1619 Project,” followed by urinating on the trophy and then stalking off stage, pushing Fredo Cuomo’s face down into his bowl of soup on the way out.

But maybe that’s just me.

I also have a political fantasy: that every powerful elitist would have to live under the policies they foist on others.

It’s a fundamental wish, and harkens back to many religious and secular traditions.  It’s “reap what you sow” and karma, and “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.”

A few examples:

All gun-grabbing politicians or celebrities would immediately have to give up any guns they own, and also their armed security people.  (Picture this: Pelosi is walking unprotected amidst the people, and someone immediately shouts, “AiEEE!  The mummy lives! Get a torch!!”  And then she has to flee the villagers, while trying not to get her skeletal feet and sandals tangled in her burial wrappings.)

All pols who take money from public school teachers’ unions must immediately have their own children yanked out of their cushy private schools and forced into the terrible public schools that those unions subject poor people to.

Every virtue signaling white leftist who advocates hiring people based on discriminating against whites in favor of minorities must immediately be fired and replaced by a minority.  (For extra salt in the wound, make that a conservative-minded minority.)

All who denounce a wall at the border as racist should immediately have the walls, fences and hedges around their property torn down, and a random assortment of illegal aliens installed in their house, at their expense.

All shills for socialism must be forced to show the courage of their convictions by immediately moving to Venezuela and enjoying the intermittent electricity, ubiquitous shortages, and the new Venezuelan diet of shoe leather, feral cat and dandelions, washed down with stagnant puddle water.

Every liberal judge who releases dangerous criminals back into the poor neighborhoods that they prey on must either move to those neighborhoods, or else allow the criminals to move into his or her own spare bedroom. (If the freed criminal is a rapist, the judge must share his/her master bedroom with the poor misunderstood fellow.)

Some of my fantasies are very specific.  (And I don’t mean the one about Kayleigh McEnany, which was just an innocent joke.  And I’m not just saying that because my loving wife will be reading this column.) (Although…)

For example, last week the NY Times published an op-ed arguing that Mount Rushmore must be destroyed and the land it sits on given back to the last Indian tribe who owned it.  (Never mind that that Indian tribe stole it from a previous Indian tribe, who stole it from an earlier tribe, and so on.)

My fantasy: Six minutes later, a secretary buzzes into a meeting of the board directors at the NYT building in Manhattan with this message:  “A bunch of Canarsie Indians are in the lobby.  They say you’ve got 10 minutes to pack up and get out.”

On the bright side, some of my fantasies are starting to come true.

Exhibit A: Democrat Minnesota governor Tim “Castrato” Walz (along with Minneapolis mayor Wussy McPussington) asked the Feds for FEMA bailout money to repair some of the $500 million in damage that was done to Minneapolis during the “peaceful protests” that they allowed to continue.  (Quick reality quiz question: What is one of the essential, defining characteristics of a peaceful protest?  A: It doesn’t cause hundreds of millions of dollars of damage!)

Trump said no.

Good!  I truly feel horrible for the innocent people of Minneapolis and Minnesota, who lost businesses, and whose lives are continually threatened by the thugs and grifters that their elected leaders – coincidentally, another set of thugs and grifters – have given the keys to the city.

But you elected those people.  You elected Ilhan freaking Omar!  (Reality quiz question #2: When your country rescues someone from a jihadi-ridden hellhole, and she repays you by hating your country, and running on a “Let’s turn Minnesota into Somalia” platform, should you elect her?  A: I’m not going to dignify that with a response.)

Exhibit B: Murders in Democrat-run cities who are pushing to abolish the police are skyrocketing, while the blue flu is turning out to be more contagious than the Wu Flu.  (HA!) All of those leftist voters spent the last several decades sowing fecal seeds, and they’re just starting to reap a bumper crop of shite.

Maybe they might be motivated to think about sowing something different in November?


Before you can challenge me, the answer is, “Yes, I would be willing to live under the conservative policies I would like to see enacted in the entire country.”  In fact, I could answer “yes” to all of the following questions:

Would I be willing to allow others to send their kids to whatever school they wanted, just like I want to do with mine?

Would I be willing to see the hindrances to starting a business reduced for other people, just like I wanted them reduced for me?

Would I be willing to pay a reasonable and predictable tax rate, knowing that my fellow citizens would too?

Would I acknowledge (and not whine about it) that I might get my stupid arse shot if I attacked and fought with a cop, or broke into someone’s house or business, and that I should be executed if I murder or rape someone?

Would I agree that if I ever try to vandalize or destroy public property, I should expect to be on the received end of a beanbag, rubber bullet or baton vigorously applied to whatever part of my body makes a convenient target?

Would I agree that if a baker or other business owner doesn’t want to make something for me for whatever reason, I should object and take my business elsewhere, rather than run crying to a legislator in a robe to force my ideology on that business?

Would I agree that I am not entitled to elect con artists to take money from other people and give it to me, just because they have more than I do?

Would I agree to be treated equally in all situations, regardless of my race, gender, sexual preference, or creed?

Would I agree that if I illegally entered another country, that nation would have every right to deport me?

Would I agree not to force my religious beliefs or political dogma on other people?

Would I grant other citizens the rights to free speech, even if what they say hurts my tender feelings?

Would I agree not to force others to call me a woman if I’m a biological male, and not to force them to call me an Indian if I’m as white as the dowager princess of Finland.  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

Would I agree not to take my emotional support wallaby on a freaking airplane, no matter how comforting I find Winston’s company?

Would I react to humor I don’t find funny, and arguments I don’t find convincing, and “art” I find crapulent by ignoring or mocking it, rather than trying to destroy the life and livelihood of its creators?


I would challenge all my leftist friends: if you’re not willing to live by the rules you are trying to force on the rest of us … cut it out!

Avenatti/Winston the Emotional Support Wallaby 2020!

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