It’s Schadenfreude September! (posted 9/8/20)

Since my column on Sunday got pretty long, and there was still more badly needed entertainment at the expense of badly behaving lefties to be mined, here is the next part of a continuing series.  Since Sunday is over, I’m officially designating this month. “Schadenfreude September.”

First, Imhotep Pelosi is a never-ending font of joy to me.  After getting caught with her burial wrappings down in the salon scandal, she managed to improve on the stereotypical non-apology apology – “I’m sorry if anyone was offended by my inoffensive action…” – by going full sociopath. 

She has lectured us for months on how anyone who doesn’t wear a mask is a Satanic orange evil-doer, and that any business owners who see customers want to kill their neighbors.  Then she had a minion schedule a hair appointment, which she swanned through, sans mask. 

And when she got caught, the perfidious homunculus said, “I take responsibility for being set up.   In fact [insert clacking dentures sound here], I think the salon owner owes ME an apology!”

Ugh!  The worst part is that her behavior proves that she doesn’t even believe the apocalyptic doom-mongering that she is using to keep her constituents prisoners in their own hovels.  Because she preaches that the Flu Manchu is going to kill all old people.   

And yet, despite the fact that she herself is 2,358 years old – born in a Nile river town during the reign of Cheops the Indifferent – she parades around the salon without a mask.   If she really believed that advanced age made one susceptible, she’d be locked in her underground tomb, surrounded by her organs in their various canopic jars, until we came up with a vaccine.  

Second, I get a lot of pleasure from seeing one particular consequence of the Dems allowing peaceful rioters to peacefully torch cities all over our country: gun sales are through the roof! 

As an amateur statistician, I’ve noticed that two phenomena can be guaranteed to cause a spike in gun sales: a politician talking about passing legislation to ban guns (Obama was great for gun manufacturers!) and a spate of “peaceful” rioting.  So naturally, the last few months have been especially good for gun sales, and in many places, ammunition is even in short supply. 

The very idea of many everyday Americans buying guns in response to mobs of thugs running wild in our cities is terrifying to a certain type of politician.  And that type of politician is called a power-hungry leftist.  (genus: “proto-dictatorius Stalinus”) 

Like most sentient Americans, watching the riots for these last few months has given me a new appreciation for the second amendment.  Because when the mob confronts unarmed people, the end result is terrified, beaten or murdered good guys. 

But when that same mob attacks armed citizens, the outcome tends to be different.  Ferocious would-be napalmers of the elderly drop to the ground crying, mean old bullies tuck their tiny tails between their legs (if by “tails” you mean…) and soak their black-leather pants with their own urine, and run away.

Even baby-faced, pudgy 17 year olds – if they’ve got a rifle – can go 3-0 against the Three Socialist Stooges of Kenosha:  Screamy, Rapey and Lefty. 

Don’t get me wrong: I still think the cops should be stopping the peaceful rioters on our streets, so that regular citizens wouldn’t have to.  But if you live in a leftist-run city or state, where governors and mayors hamstring the cops and encourage the thugs, and allow 100 days of non-stop pillaging?

To paraphrase the great Henry Louis Mencken,  “Hoist the stars and stripes and start placing your shots.”     

Third, I also enjoy watching the MSM beclown themselves, and this last month has been a banner year for that!   From their softball questions to the sleepwalking Joe Biden (“What does our fake story about Trump hating the military tell you about his soul?) to their cartoonish animus against Trump, these so-called reporters couldn’t look any more like emperors without clothes if they were a Kardashian with a sex tape on the hard drive and a dwindling bank account.

My favorite recent example was the early coverage of the shooting of Jacob Blake.  They mentioned that he was shot in the back by a white cop several million times.  Which left no time in their reports to mention that he was a convicted felon and sex offender, caught by cops responding to a black woman’s call reporting that he had just assaulted her – AGAIN! – and that he was going for a knife in the car.

Which brings me to my favorite Delusional MSM Transparent Lie of the Year.

Move over, “George Zimmerman is a white Hispanic.”  Step aside, “Trump called neo-Nazis ‘good people.”  Out of the way, “Kamala Harris is a pragmatic moderate.”  Get out of town, “Never mind the raging inferno behind me: these protests are mostly peaceful.”

Make way for our new leader in the clubhouse, brought to us by the creepy liars at the Milwaukee Journal, who initially reported that Saint Jacob was unarmed when the racist cops shot him for no reason.  When it came out that Blake in fact had a knife – either on him, or in the car that he was struggling to get into – they were forced to grudgingly mention the knife. 

But they said, and I quote, “He was otherwise unarmed.” 

Beautiful!  Hey J-school grads, you know who else had a knife but was otherwise unarmed?  Jack the friending Ripper, that’s who!  (Cue Victorian Sam Kinison:  “OH! OHHHH!”)  And despite his barely being armed, all of his first dates with those Dickensian hookers ended pretty badly.

And remember when a sweaty, oiled-up Rambo faced all of those Viet Cong with that machine gun?  Do you think that those dying commies would be comforted if some leftist moron from the Ho Chi Minh Post held their dying hands and said, “Just remember that, if you can overlook that belt-fed weapon of his, Rambo was otherwise unarmed.” 

No.  They would have said whatever is Vietnamese for, “Are you friending kidding me?  My thorax is perforated, and I can’t feel my feet.  Also, I regret my commitment to progressive, slave-state socialism.”

“Now lean close enough to me so that I can pretend to say my last words, but then try to bite through your jugular and kill you for saying such an idiotic thing!”  (Cue Vietnamese Sam Kinison:  “WO!  WOOOOOOOHH!”) (Yes, I’m assuming that in Vietnamese, an “OH” sounds like a “WO,” for some reason.)

“Otherwise unarmed!!”  How can they not see how stupid they look, writing that? 

They will stop at NOTHING to advance their ridiculous narrative. 

If a gangbanger comes out of a crack house to confront cops holding two six shooters like Yosemite X, they would write, “Yeah, but he didn’t have a ka-bar knife clenched in his teeth, so how armed was he, really?”

If his cousin, Buffalo Rayshard stepped out beside him, with two revolvers in his hands and a ka-bar between his teeth, they would write, “Okay, so he had a couple of Colts and a ka-bar.  But he didn’t have a four-pointed Balinese throwing star between his toes.”

And then if his nephew Trayvon Wesley Harding duckwalked barefoot out behind them, carrying pistols and a ka-bar and toe-grip Balinese throwing stars, they’d write, “Okay.  Maybe the cops were justified in using pepper spray.” 

We see you, idiots!  And we’ll never believe another word you say!   

Avenatti/ Yosemite X 2020!