Boy, are Biden and Comma-la proving to be a dynamic duo! Every time Biden comes out into the open, blinking and disoriented, he almost manages to read from a teleprompter, and then is shuffled offstage for jello time. And yet somehow, Kamala is managing to under-perform Joe.
There’s a reason that after an orgasmic media roll out during the primaries – She’s black! She’s female! She has a name that’s easy to mis-pronounce, but if you’re a conservative and mispronounce it, you’re a racist! We looooove her!!! — that she flamed out immediately.
She garnered only 7% in her own home state, and was one of the first ones to drop out of the race, being outlasted by, among others, Grandma Squanto, the teen gay judge-y Pastor Buttigieg, and the 112-year old Vermont socialist who can’t remember whether he’s Ben or Jerry.
Because she talked. And cackled. And embodied an inauthenticity so metaphysically dense that no honest thought could escape its gravitational pull.
She made wildly unsubstantiated charges against her fellow Dem empty suits. She told wildly unfunny jokes, and then laughed like Hillary Clinton and the Joker had had a baby, who grew up to run for president and then huffed some nitrous oxide right before the debates.
Even her biography didn’t help, which is almost unbelievable in this day of identity politics on the left. How does a minority, female Democrat not at least make it onto the medal stand of mediocrity at the end of the Democrat primaries?
It turns out that she’s half Indian (spelling bee Indian, not fake Warren Indian) (#wemustneverstopmockingher) and half-Jamaican. So no luck on the “my ancestors were enslaved in the Deep South” diversity points.
But at least she did have an ancestral tie to slavery… but it was that one of her Jamaican ancestors owned a bunch of slaves. Cue the sad trombone.
Her personal bio wasn’t great, either. As a cripplingly untalented young woman, she was having a hard time being taken seriously in political circles. Then, at 29, she managed to bump into creepy, 60-year-old married, leftist power broker Willie Brown. (And yes, “bump into” is a euphemism.)
From there, it was only a hop, skip and a hump, and she was hired for two political make-work jobs that paid in the mid six-figures, and launched her career in California politics.
Sorry – that’s “jump.” A hop, skip and a jump.
My bad.
Anyway, on Tuesday she spent some time with Jacob Blake Jr. and his family.
You may remember him from that time he committed armed crimes and fought with cops years ago, or from that other time when he digitally raped a woman earlier this year, or from that time a few weeks ago when he returned to that woman’s house (with an active warrant out for him) and stole from her, before fighting with the police again, and going for a weapon, until he was (finally!) shot.
And don’t confuse Jacob Blake Jr. with Jacob Blake Sr. The old man is the Farrakhan fan who hates Jews, spews racial epithets at white people, and also at black people who aren’t criminals, and who screams out bulging-eyed diatribes at anti-cop hate fests.
It’s like you can’t tell one giant d-bag Jacob Blake from another around Kenosha without a score card.
Anyway, Kamala came to town, and I know what you’re thinking: she’s a hard-nosed, tough-on-crime ex-prosecutor, so she probably laid into the rapist Jacob Blake and the creepy anti-Semite Jacob Blake – and any other Jacob Blakes to be named later, I guess.
Not exactly. In fact she said of the Blakes, “They’re an incredible family. And what they’ve endured, and they just do it with such dignity and grace. And you know, they’re carrying the weight of a lot of voices on their shoulders.”
Ugh. There is something wrong with every phrase there. They’re not an incredible family – they’re a disturbed, dysfunctional family. They haven’t endured, they’ve inflicted. What part of forcibly sticking your fingers into a frightened, non-consenting woman’s body is dignified, Kamala?
She can’t even come up with a decent metaphor! Voices don’t have any weight, and you can’t carry them, and they don’t rest on your shoulders. Idiot!
To tops things off, Jacob Blake told the media – rapist Jacob Blake, not Jew-hating Jacob Blake – that Kamala told him that she was proud of him.
Double Ugh!
Jacob Blake — the young creep, not the old one — is reportedly paralyzed from the waist down. According to ABC news, “Doctors fear he may never walk again.”
You know who probably doesn’t fear that? His potential rape victims! (Cue Cheese-head Sam Kinison. OH! OOOHHH!)
On the other hand, he still has control over his right arm and hand, and unluckily enough, that is both his knife hand AND his digital raping hand. So you’re not out of the woods yet, black female Wisconsin residents.
What is it with top Democrats and siding with the bad guys? If it’s not the Black Panthers, it’s thuggish rappers, or third-string America hating QB Colin Kapernick. In a nation with – tragically – many thousands of young black men killed – when they are NOT committing crimes — by other black men, who did Obama pick as the one who “could be my son?” Trayvon Martin! Whom you may remember from that time when he was beating that “white Hispanic’s” already fractured skull into concrete right before he got righteously shot.
C’mon, Barry! When it comes to identifying with and lauding black males, what’s wrong with Denzel, or David Dorn, or Tim Scott or Thomas Sowell or Clarence Thomas or Larry Elder or the late great Walter Payton (peace be upon him)?
Why hold up and praise rapists and convicts and other bad actors? I’m almost as white as Elizabeth Warren (second verse, same as the first: #wemustneverstopmockingher), and even I can see that that’s insulting to black people.
Triple Ugh. At least Plugsy and Kamala are doing their best to come off as completely unelectable, so we’ve got that going for us.
For my second dose of schadenfreude, I’ll point you to the fact that in the last several weeks or so, it looks like the murderously peaceful rioters are actually starting to be arrested.
Look at Breitbart’s 9/8 mugshot photo array – provided by the indispensable Andy Ngo – of the fascist “Anti-Fascist” peaceful rioters arrested in Portland recently. (By the way, Breitbart has another round of mugshots posted on 9/9, but I’m talking below about the ones from 9/8.)
But first, a warning; What you are about to see may be disturbing to some viewers. Reader Discretion Advised. Put away any scissors, skewers, knitting needles or any other pointy objects capable of gouging out your eyes as the result of a reflexive reaction upon seeing these horrifying visages.
For those of you with weak stomachs, I’ll attempt to paint a word picture. I couldn’t make myself look at the page for long enough to read many of their names, but I have given them tremendously accurate descriptors of my own.
They are arranged in three rows of 4 mugshots each. It’s like a demented Brady Bunch opening shot, except if Mike and Carol Brady were actually Charles Manson and Hillary Clinton, and their kids inherited only the most mis-shapen parts of their DNA. (Sing it with me: “Here’s the story… of a former first lady… who was bringing up three horrifically feral girls. All of them had shriveled souls… like their mother. Several of them identify as crows.” CAW CAW CAW)
Or no, wait! It’s like a game of Satan’s Bingo, with every square a nightmare, and when the “winner” connects a line of these monstrosities, instead of yelling “BINGO!” she yells, “YIKES!”
I kill me.
Anyway, if you want to play the home game, call up the Breitbart story (after securing your pointy objects out of arm’s reach), and then see how many names I’ve nailed. Starting at the top left, and going through one horizontal row at a time…
Top row: Angry Achmed, Grandma’s Cat’s-Eye Glasses, Gary Busey after Two More Helmet-less Motorcycle Crashes, Pancho Villa’s unconvincingly blond Great-Grandson.
Middle Row: Head Shape Not found in Nature, Blue Hair/Maddow Glasses, Identifies as Female but is Fooling No One, Smirky Hatchet-Face.
Bottom Row: Dimples & Lashes (nice!), Trying to Look Brave, Purple-Hair early-stage Meth Girl, Hispanic FuManchu & Mullet combo.
Scroll down through the story and you’ll find another batch of mugshots. And it doesn’t get any better.
There’s “Eyes Way Too Close Together,” and “Open Skin Sores” and “Stubbly McGee,” followed by “Kill my Landlord!” and “I hate you, Dad!” and “Snarly Garcia.” Then “Half-Lidded Dead Eyes” and “Parents were Cousins,” and “Parents were Siblings,” and several other variants of “The Family Tree was a Ladder.”
Out of 20 pictures, two are gender-confused: a Deidre who used to be a David, and a Nicole, damned by the faintest of praise: “listed as female.” Ouch.
They all look like the kind of geniuses who might bring a skateboard to a rifle fight, or light their feet on fire and dance around hilariously, while others of them try to put out the fire by waving oxygen toward it with a garbage can lid.
Good times!
Granted, I’ve only seen those 20 pictures – and I’m really hoping I can find the new Visine “Retina Wipes” eye drops that I’m afraid might not exist – but I’m quite confident that if I looked through the other several hundred mugshots of peaceful rioters being arrested all across this great nation, I’d find more of the same.
You know who I’m 100% certain I would NOT find?
“Va Va Voom” and “Look Who’ Been Working Out” and “Giggity Giggity” and “Brad Pitt’s Stunt Double” and “Miss Florida 2019” and “Runner-up for People’s Sexiest Man of the Year 2018,” and “Melania, is that You?”
If you ever find yourself doubting whether you’re on the right side of our political divide, here’s my advice:
- Peruse the wit and wisdom offered on the Cautious Optimism website.
- Read any book by Thomas Sowell.
- Lock up your knitting needles and go to the 9/8/20 Breitbart story on the antifa mugshots.
You may have thought this many times over the last six months, but believe me when I tell you:
It’s getting ugly out there.
Avenatti/Head Shape Not Found in Nature 2020!
Martin Simpson 