Final Debate Re-cap (posted 10/26/20)

As far as the conventional wisdom about the final debate goes, I can’t disagree with the CO nation.  I agree that Trump was better than the first time around, and that Biden was only worse because he was given the chance to talk more, which is always a bad thing for him.

I also agree that Kristen Welker was much less bad as a moderator than we had a right to expect.  She was still biased, of course.  The best poker tell on her was when Trump said that we should open schools, because the virus doesn’t appear to be very dangerous to kids.

Trump’s basic point was correct: all of the science so far points to kids not being nearly as susceptible to be harmed by the virus, and much less likely to spread it to adults. In fact, something like 74 kids 15-and-under have died from the virus this year, compared to something like 480 who died from the flu during the same period last year.  (I don’t have the exact numbers in front of me, but those are very close.)

Which is why the American Association of Pediatricians – actual experts, who know more about the science and its real world implications than all of the MSM empty heads put together – recommended back in August that K-12 schools reopen.   

So a completely neutral moderator would have allowed Trump’s statement to stand uncommented on.  Naturally, our moderator had to comment on it, in perfect pseudo-reasonable biased journalist fashion.

To wit: “And of course the CDC has said young people can get sick with COVID-19 and can pass it.”

Her statement was technically true, in the same sense that it’s technically true that kids can also die from falling down the stairs, or being struck by lightning, or being caught between Chuck Schumer and a tv camera and being trampled to death.  

But since we’re talking about something like a 99.999998 chance of that NOT happening, her little jab was telling.  As was that snotty little, “Of course,” to start things off.

For example, when Joey Gaffes said that no one ever lost their health insurance because of Obamacare, did Welker respond, “Of course Obamacare actually caused many millions to lose their health insurance.”

Or when the Big Man said that no one has ever said that Hunter did anything wrong, did Welker respond, “Of course everyone on the planet, including Hunter himself and Beau’s widow, has admitted that he’s done all kinds of things wrong.”

Or when the Corn Pop Slayer said that he’s never had a bad word to say about fracking, did Welker do a classic spit-take as she was drinking from her moderator’s water glass?

That’s a no, and a no, and another no.

Still, in these days of radical leftist moonbats passing as journalists, Welker was not bad, and I’ve got nothing substantive to add. 

However, I’ve got several trivial and mocking things to add.  And since trivial mockery is my wheelhouse, I thought I’d toss out a few observations.

If I had to choose, I’d pick two favorite Biden one-liners.  The first one was when he said that, “We had a great relationship with Hitler before he invaded Europe.“

First of all, what?!  No, Joe, we NEVER had a ”great relationship” with Adolf Hitler.

Second, “invaded Europe?”  Does Joe know that Germany is already in Europe?  I mean, it’s practically in the middle of Europe.

Which made invading Europe easier for Hitler, I guess.  Because most invaders have to overcome a lot of logistical hurdles to launch an invasion, like sailing across an ocean to your opponents’ shores, or flying on long-distance air raids to get to your enemies’ cities.  Or hiding in a gigantic, stuffy horse on the off chance that your enemy might have enough Biden voters to lower their collective IQ to the point that they would willingly haul said horse inside their city walls like a bunch of adamschiffen. 

As opposed to Hitler, who had his army pop next door to the Polish border, and call out, “Hello?  Europeans?  It’s your neighbors, the ones with whom you’ve been having a great relationship?  You know, with the Wehrmacht and the Stukas and the ‘Give up your Juden!’  So anyway…”

Did Joe mention that he was at the top of his class when he earned his two degrees in European History?  Also, his IQ is higher than yours, and he could whip you in a push-up contest.  So get your history facts straight, Jack!

My second-favorite Biden moment was when he gave his audience a little rhetorical whiplash.  First he said, “I don’t look at this in terms of the way he does, blue states and the red states, they’re all the United States.”

Then – in what I swear to God was the Very. Next. Sentence! – he said, “And look at the states that are having such a spike in the corona virus: they’re the red states!”

You can’t make this stuff up.

In general, Joe cannot help himself from repeating a fundamental logic error: making strong claims, rather than qualified ones.   In this context, a strong claim is an extreme one, e.g. “all tax rate cuts always bring in more revenue,” whereas a qualified claim is a more moderate one, e.g. “tax rate cuts usually bring in more revenue.” 

Strong claims are ironically weaker, because they collapse if even one counter-example can be found. They can be tempting to all of us – Trump is certainly not immune to their lure! – but they are the stock-in-trade of the none-too-bright political extremist. 

For example, during a Biden rally in Minneapolis a few weeks ago, Grandma Squanto screeched, “Donald Trump threatens the existence of human life, of all life, on this planet.”

And you could tell that she was serious, because of how pale with fear she was.  #wemustneverstopmockingher

But the Translucent Tonkawa (yes, I had to do a deep dive to find a tribe name starting with “T”) has nothing on the Scranton Simpleton when it comes to laughably false strong claims. 

He can’t admit that Hunter has some problems – “He’s never done anything wrong!”   He can’t say that Obamacare was in any way flawed – “No one ever lost their doctor, or their insurance!”

He can’t say that Trump’s covid response was less than perfect – “Not one American would have died if Trump had responded to covid differently!”

But of all of Biden’s faux pas, the most enjoyable was the way he reverted to his favorite verbal tic: saying, “Come on!” whenever he doesn’t have a more substantive rebuttal.  Which is almost always.  He says that phrase more often than my daughters said “like” when they were teenagers.    

And sure enough, in the debate, he unleashed 9 instances of “Come on,” each more lame than the last. 

In fact, after the debate I did a little research, and I can confidently say that Joe Biden has taken second place in the “Most Uses of ‘Come on’ in a Spoken Word Production,” second only to the Beatles in their feel-good hit from 1963, “Please Please Me.”  (If you haven’t heard that one in a while, I dare you to listen to it and not smile.)   

FYI, this is another time when I really wish I understood modern technology.  Because I’d love to get hold of a recording of that Beatles song, and when it gets to the call-and-response chorus — “Come on (come on!), Come on (come on!), Come on (come on!), Come on (come on!), Please please me, oh yeah, like I please you.” – I’d keep Lennon’s initial “Come on”s, and splice in Biden’s various “Come on”s as the responses. 

(In keeping with my growing love of all things German, two Austrian sisters called the MonaLisa Twins do a version of “Please Please Me” during which their German accents come through at several points, and it is freaking adorable!)

If any of you in CO nation are technically adept enough to splice in some Joey Gaffes and produce a Lennon/Biden compilation — I know: Lenin/Biden would seem much more apt – please post it on the site!

On a final note, I’ve posted a pic from my recent Illinois hiking trip (at Martinsimpsonwriting.com) in which I’m holding a cool, telescoping walking stick that my cousin let me borrow.  When my wife saw the picture, she said that between my sunglasses and the cane, I look like a blind guy out on a hike in a forest. 

Of course I explained to her that since all other women became invisible to me the moment I first laid eyes on her, I carry this cane to continually sweep in front of me, to keep from bumping into all of the invisible women in the world.    

She rolled her eyes at me, but I was not fooled: she was impressed.

Avenatti/Grandma Squanto 2020!

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