You may remember my column on Monday – seems like it was just four short days ago – in which I advanced the thesis that leftists are generally disconnected from reality, while conservatives are generally in touch with reality. (If you missed it and are interested, you can find it at Martinsimpsonwriting.com)
I was careful to note that this thesis is at least a little exaggerated, but I went through a poll from February that listed the top 12 things leftists are worried about. I concluded that 8 of those either don’t exist (voter suppression, systemic racism) or are blown out of all proportion to their meager reality (white supremacy, police brutality, domestic terrorism), with another one not being a problem at all (capitalism, i.e. economic freedom), and three existing much less here than anywhere else in the world.
Now let’s look at the flipside of that question: what did the poll find that conservatives worry most about? In descending order, they are:
1.Illegal (not legal) immigration – not only is this a real problem, it’s a huge one, and one that virtually the entire country agrees on. It is costing us hundreds of billions, and introducing a myriad of problems that will make the plagues in Egypt look like almost undetectably slower internet speeds.
I for one would gladly take clouds of locusts, painful boils, and the local water supply turning to blood, if only to avoid the consequences of tens of millions of new covid-infected Democrat voters!
2.Lack of support for the police – Even many Dem officials who were calling to defund the police several months ago – after watching the body counts in their cities climb faster than the prices for Hunter Biden’s execrable “paintings” – are pretending that they were misunderstood, and are now calling for lots of cops armed with belt-fed weapons and tactical nukes.
3.High taxes – This is only a problem for people who work, or who intend to live off of the taxes paid by those people. If you don’t believe this is a problem, then you haven’t tried to rent an out-bound U-Haul in CA or NYC recently.
4.Liberal bias in mainstream media – Despite an unbroken series of MSM talking heads frothing at the mouth, lying through their teeth and barking at the moon for years, not a single one of them has been taken out behind the barn and dispatched with a crisp rifle shot.
Or even fired!
Meanwhile, our congress spent the entire last year with their heads up their Schiffs while millions of leftists, anarchists and whitey-haters burned, vandalized and looted dozens of cities, causing untold injuries, a number of deaths, and billions in damage.
But don’t worry. They’re going to spend the next 47 years getting to the bottom of the political equivalent of a panty raid that lasted several hours and resulted in only one death: that of an unarmed woman at the hands of the only cop in America who is NOT a bloodthirsty foot-soldier for fascism. So… yeah.
5. General moral decline of the country. Please see my column from several months ago, when I described getting the bends after first listening to Frank Sinatra singing, “In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning,” and then segueing to Cardi B’s “WAP,” a tuneless, vulgar aural assault that might somehow cause an STD in your inner ear canal just from listening to it, “sung” by a tone-deaf illiterate with the morals of a tomcat whose catnip was spiked with Viagra, and the hind quarters of a manatee who has really let herself go since the divorce.
6. Socialism. It’s only been implemented for a little over a century, and has already racked up a murder count of over 100 million souls, with many times that number oppressed, impoverished and enslaved.
Even worse, it has afflicted us with Bernie Sanders, AOC, Michael Moore and an army of brain-dead celebrities and faux academics, none of whom we can beat like a rented mule, because then WE’D be the bad guys! (Obscure Mr. Burns reference? Check.)
7. Antifa violence. See numbers 2, 4, 5 and 6 above.
8. China. Great people, but a terrible/typical socialist government. Come for the famine, mass killings, Maoist struggle sessions and intellectual property theft, stay for the pandemic!
9. Legal abortion in the third trimester. A person’s a person, no matter how small.
10. Election fraud. Ballot harvesting, unsolicited mail-in ballots, and no voter ID in sight. What could go wrong?
11. Tech company censorship. I would write more about #10, but then I’d never be heard from again.
12. Discrimination against Christians. I mean, it’s not like there are hordes of our Christophobe moral superiors, scouring the 10 commandments and Golden Rule from our public square, boycotting Chick-fil-A, and policing the beliefs of every small bakery in the land.
We can still celebrate our Winter Break, with our festive holiday trees and other traditions that stretch all the way back to when BCE became CE. And it’s not like anyone will stop us from going to church while they allow mostly peaceful rioting, chanting, and lotto ticket sales. Oh, wait…
So there you have it. Conservatives identify problems that actually exist, and are actual problems that cause actual harm to the country.
Leftists identify problems that are as real as Corn Pop, and are willing to shred our constitution and spend our grandkids’ inheritance to fix what isn’t broken, and to break everything else.
2022 can’t come fast enough, because it’s been a long four years, and it’s only been 25 weeks.
Avenatti/ Cardi B, 2024!