First off, I’d like to thank everybody for the kind comments on my daughter’s lifesaving exploits from my last column. Many of you were generous enough to suggest that my parenting skills may have contributed to her all-around awesomeness.
Modesty urges me to fend off that compliment. But then I think back on my various parenting strategies, and have to at least consider that you may be on to something.
Long-time readers of this column may remember that when she was about 2 and a half, I taught Katie one of Aristotle’s logical fallacies: “Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.” (After this, therefore because of this.) And then when we had company over, I’d say, “What’s your favorite one of Aristotle’s fallacies, sweetie?”
And she’d look at me angelically and say, “Ad populum.”
HA! I kid, She never got into the whole “ad populum/ad hominem” choices until way after she turned 3.
You may also remember that I taught her another important life lesson early on. Whenever I’d be watching something aggravating on tv – a ref making a terrible call, or a political disaster unfolding – and she was toddling through the room, I’d say, “Who do we blame this on?”
And without hesitating she’d call out, “The Democrats!”
I get all choked up just thinking of how proud I was of her. And also that she saved someone’s life last week.
But enough about me and my fantastic parenting skills. I’ve got a few quick, feel-good stories from the last week.
First up is a good news story from Illinois! (Not a collection of words you normally see put together in one sentence lately.)
It seems that on Saturday, a no-doubt Biden voting happy-go-lucky young man stole a car, and while driving it around, came across a 77-year-old man who was sitting in his garage. The no-doubt oppressed thug hopped out and demanded that the old man give him his money, pointing a no-doubt illegally obtained gun at him.
Because old people are weak, and easily victimized.
Or so thought the would-be robber.
Yes, I said, “would-be.” Because while he aspired to robber status, what he achieved was the ART (“Assuming Room Temperature”) award.
While your average police-defunding Chicago Dem politician recommends responding in such situations by cowering and handing over your wallet, while saying, “Please don’t hurt me. I don’t want any trouble,” this feisty senior citizen took a different tack.
He pulled out his legally owned firearm and celebrated the wisdom of our Founders — when they wrote a little thing called the Second Amendment — by, and I quote, “shooting at the robber.”
You may be shocked to hear that the no-doubt college-trained “journalist” got a little detail wrong in his account. The armed oldster didn’t so much shoot AT the robber, as he SHOT the robber.
Once in the chest, and once in the head. Thus, the tragic death of the ARTist.
The story ends with, “detectives are investigating the incident.” I hope that means that they are investigating what combination of medal and cash prize to award to the marksman.
But don’t worry, lefties. Just because the no-doubt misunderstood would-be robber has ceased all cardiac and respiratory function, he’s no worse off than our current Cadaver in Chief. And he’ll no doubt continue voting Democrat in many elections to come!
Speaking of law and order, Angry leftists in Minneapolis – having seen their “defund the police” proposal get slapped down on Tuesday (Oh Happy Day!) – are doubling down on calls for violence:
One benighted idiot (Twitter-verified, naturally) named Ian Coldwater posted, “Do you want more burned precincts? Because this is how you get more burned precincts.”
In a morally healthy community, the only rational response would be to dare that jerk to try burning down another police station, and see what happens. “Do you want to be handcuffed to a hospital bed having shotgun pellets pulled out of your arse? Because this is how you end up handcuffed to a hospital bed having shotgun pellets pulled out of your arse.”
A second violent numbskull is a local Antifa organizer aptly named Natalina Slaughter. (The fact that her name has not been used for a Bond villain is an insult to the memory of Ian Fleming!) After having her call for more chaos in the streets rejected by voters, Natasha Bad-anov says, “It’s almost like voting is bullsh*t. Someone wake me back up when we [choose] violence.”
Or — and I’m just spit-balling here — how about someone wakes her up by slipping a plastic bag over her head and pulling it tight around her neck for a moment, then asking her if she’s still such a big violence enthusiast?
To round out our socialist Three Stooges, we have a little charmer named Julie Tilsen posting calls for more violence: “We burned a precinct and all we got was the most lying corrupt mayor the city’s ever seen…”
In case you think she may have just accidentally confessed to taking part in arson you’re not wrong.
“Maybe it was a heat-of-passion, emotionally extreme statement that she doesn’t really mean,” you could be thinking, but definitely are not.
And you’re right again. In June, she posted a tweet asking, “Which precinct are we burning today, comrades?”
How stupid do you have to be to be seriously calling people “comrades” in 2021?
As stupid as a professor, it turns out. Yes, Julie is actually “Dr. Julie.” She’s got a PhD.
“Let me guess what field?” you’re not asking. “Chemistry? Nuclear Engineering? Astrophysics? Or something equally impressive?” you are definitely not guessing.
Nope. You’ll be shocked to hear that Dr. Julie’s PhD is as legitimate as “Doctor” Jill Biden’s degree. Because it’s in “Social Construction.”
“That sounds pretty useless,” you are probably thinking, “but I’m not sure that it’s as bad as “Dr.” Biden’s degree in—”
You didn’t let me finish. It’s a PhD in “Social Construction” … with an emphasis in “Queer Studies.”
Holy Terminal Unemployability, Batman!
Titles of her no-doubt-unread publications include “Queering Your Therapy Practice,” and another one touting “Transcending Homonormativity.”
Now it might just be me, but when I try to parse that last phrase, it sounds like it could be academese for “being straight.”
In which case, I think I should at least be on the medal stand in that event, having closed a piping hot Norwegian-American wife while looking no better than I do, and producing two world-class children. (One of whom saved a human life last week, in case I haven’t mentioned that recently.)
Sure, up to this point I’ve been a triple threat, having achieved the titles of Hilarious Genius, Martacus, and Man of Ice Cream, Man of Principle.” But now I’ve rounded out the resume by transcending THE HELL out of homonormativity!
On the other hand, now that I think about it, could it be that “transcending homonormativity” is what that creepy boy in a skirt was doing when he attacked the girl in the school bathroom in Loudon, VA a little while ago? Because if so… nope!
Where was I?
Leftist idiots in Minneapolis continue to miss the point, and persist in their leftist idiocy. To which we all say, “Keep it up, boneheads! We’ll lick ‘em in 2022!”
Um… not in a homonormative way, though. That was clear, right?
Finally, the VA election is the gift that just keeps on giving. Not only have Imhotep Pelosi and the Congressional Dems doubled down on their obviously off-putting arrogance and toxic policy-making by passing the bloated infrastructure bill (which is no more than 30% infrastructure at most).
But 13 feckless congressional Republicans have managed to helpfully identify themselves by voting for that monstrosity, thus erecting a huge, neon sign outside of their offices that says, “Throw me out of office in 2022!”
In another VA story, a Dem Virginia state delegate – maybe the perfect archetype of a lefty pol, as it turns out — was pulled over by a cop on election eve.
The cop had watched this weasel, Chris Hurst, parking his car near a city rec center, where a woman with him got out and tampered with some campaign signs. She turned some of them over and others upside down. When the cop pulled him over and asked him what he was doing, Hurst went classic 15-year-old.
First he pretended like he didn’t know what the cop was talking about. When the cop said what he saw Hurst and the woman doing, Hurst said that he didn’t have anything to say about it.
When the cop ran his plates, he found out that his license was suspended. Upon further investigation, he learned that Hurst didn’t have current insurance. The article I read makes it sound like he didn’t even give Hurst a ticket, which is disappointing.
I fondly recall the old days, when Dem Chicago Mayor Daley responded to leftist Dems getting unruly by having his cops wade into them with billy clubs, taking swings like so many Ernie Bankses, poking doubles out past the short stop’s head.
Maybe that wasn’t the best way to deal with the situation. But it wasn’t the worst, either.
So Hurst started getting lippy, and the cop scolded him, and Hurst said that vandalizing signs is something “everybody on the other side of the mountain does and people all over this district do.”
I’m not sure if he’s talking about Mount Two-Face, the VA Dems’ ancestral home, or whether he’s blaming the GOP for doing what he was caught in the act of doing.
When the cop (disgustedly) says, “So you’re going to resort to that? And represent us?”
Hurst’s response is sui generis for political hypocrites: “I need you to just do your job here tonight and I’ll do mine. I have nothing more to say to you, officer. And I’m sorry for actions that I may have done or my partner may have done. But, ummm, I think you’re maybe getting a little emotional here.”
There, in 4 sentences, is the essence of entitled pol in a nutshell: Insult a cop, imply that being a petty vandal is your important work, give a non-apology apology in the passive voice, and then accuse the cop who caught you for being the problem. Ugh.
You’ll not be surprised to know that before he became a politician, Hurst was a journalist, or that he received a $15,000 donation for his campaign from the Punk McAuliffe.
And oh yeah… Hurst is one of the swarm of Democrats who lost his seat in Tuesday’s election.
Sing it, Ray Charles: “Oh Happy Day!”
Avenatti/Chris “the Worst” Hurst, 2024!