As someone who enjoys a good display of leftists stepping on rakes, 2022 is starting out with a bang. Or rather, a resounding THWACK! Let me point to two examples.
First we have the story of everyone’s favorite vacuous ex-bartender AOC, who came down to Florida to escape the dysfunctional hellscape she’s been working overtime to build in NY. And she thought that it would be a good idea, while here, to engage in a battle of wits – a contest in which she’s never more than half-armed – with conservatives in general, and Ron DeSantis in particular.
It did not go well for her.
First, when she was spotted dining outside with her unimpressive-looking boyfriend, many conservatives pointed out that neither of them were wearing masks. Which might be considered a wee bit hypocritical, since she’s spent a lot of time in the past several years berating all who yearn to breathe mask-free, and chanting the leftist catechism of covid. (I don’t know the whole thing, because I’m a well-adjusted conservative, but I think it starts out, “There is no god but Marx, and Fauci is his prophet…”)
Also hypocritical: the fact that she vacationed in FL when she’s been shrieking that that’s a hideous death-site because our gov isn’t a power-grabbing Cuomo-Pritzker-Whitmer type. Also, she tore into Ted Cruz for vacationing in Cancun while TX had a winter storm, and then she partied in FL while Covid was spiking in NY…
Anyway, Sandy responded to valid criticism with the kind of wisdom and maturity we’ve come to expect from her: she went all mean-girl and said that those GOP losers are just jealous of her hot bod: “If Republicans are mad they can’t date me, they can just say that instead of projecting their sexual frustrations onto my boyfriend’s feet.”
If that wasn’t laughably stupid, it would be a pretty useful go-to move whenever you are criticized. Has Hillary called me a deplorable? Has AOC called me a creepy weirdo? Do many leftist women think I’m a cisgender caveman, drenched in toxic masculinity?
Well that’s just because they all want some of this sweet, sweet dad bod! Sorry to disappoint you ladies, but I’m already taken.
…is what I would say, if I were a delusional narcissist like AOC.
Unbelievably enough, that might not have been the dumbest thing that solipsistic Sandy said on her vacation. Because she also repeated a lefty talking point about Ron DeSantis going AWOL. “Hasn’t Gov. DeSantis been inexplicably missing for like 2 weeks?” she tweeted. “If he’s around, I would be happy to say hello.”
First off, I think you’re only saying that because you want to “date” him, you empty-headed little horndog. (And judging from the pic of your chubby little ginger boyfriend – no offense to those with a few extra pounds – as we say in my support group,“My name is Martin, and I’ve put on a little winter weight.” – or gingers, who more than likely actually DO have souls, Hacky Psaki to the contrary – it’s hard to blame you.)
Unfortunately for AOC, shortly after this leftist “DeSantis is missing” trope really got rolling, it turned out that DeSantis was… with his wife, who is undergoing treatment for breast cancer!
Ouch! That’s got to leave a mark on those slimy Dem gossips. Especially since they have been super busy downplaying the fact that their own standard-bearer Joey Gaffes has been out of the public eye since his mysterious death in 2020!
Not content with leaving dumb enough alone, AOC also posted a short video when she got back to NY, and was walking through an empty parking garage with her boyfriend. Oddly enough, she was wearing a mask when the video started, but took it off to speak. By the way, she also was caught maskless on video in Florida at some kind of crowded, indoor, drag-queen social event.
Because according to Science™, crowded spaces in the free state of Florida are corona-free, but empty parking garages in a blue city are crawling with the ‘rona. And THAT – ya creepy weirdo – is why people were criticizing your escapades in Florida, not because of your boyfriend’s creepy feet.
(Though I’m old-school on men wearing sandals and exposing their gross feet in public: it’s acceptable (barely) when you’re on a beach, or if you’re an extra playing a Roman in The Passion of the Christ. Other than that, no bueno!)
By the way, if one were looking for physical things to make fun of about AOC, I might suggest that one watch the parking garage video, and wonder how she somehow got hold of Harry Caray’s comically oversized glasses. (If she had any sense of humor and knew anything that happened before she was born, she would have tried a Caray impression, along the lines of, “Hey! Check out the kid in the sombrero!”) (And any of you who got that obscure joke reference are automatically dear to me. For the rest of you, go to Youtube and search for Will Ferrell doing Harry Caray.)
The second rake-stomping story comes courtesy of a joint act of God and governmental incompetence: the snowstorm traffic jam on I-95 in VA.
Now I’m not one to blame government for not solving every problem. In fact, I’m pleasantly surprised when government solves ANY problem. But this story provided a lot of entertainment.
First, a bunch of lefties jumped on the situation, exploiting it to get some early shots in on the new GOP VA governor, Glenn Youngkin. They’re still smarting from his upset victory, and this was an opportunity too good to pass up.
My favorite tweet from among many worthy choices came from some poor dope named Scott Rhodes: “So, where’s Republican Gov Youngkin in this I-95 mega-disaster???? 48 mile shutdown for hours & hours in VA & he’s nowhere to be found. This never happened under Dem Gov Northam—or any other Gov for that matter!!!!! Shame!”
But then – hilariously — it turns out that Youngkin doesn’t take office until January 15th. In fact, the current office-holder is Ralph Northam, the very governor whom dullard Scott Rhodes said would NEVER let this kind of thing happen on his watch. You’re not exactly a Rhodes scholar, are you, Scott?
And for those of you who may have forgotten, Northam is more properly known – from his college yearbook photo spread — as Governor Blackface. Or, to be fair to him, possibly Governor Klan Hood, since we’re not sure which hideous racial stereotype was portrayed by the future gov.
Not since police chief Wiggum’s paste-eating, slow-witted child Ralph, has there been such a stain on all who carry the name “Ralph.”
And Blackface quickly proved his brilliant acumen… by blaming the drivers who were stuck. Again, act of God, wintertime, etc. But when your own incompetent response has a healthy bit of the blame to take, you may want to lay off the “idiot voters! Serves them right for getting stuck!” routine.
Finally, the story of Gov. Klan Hood Wiggum provides a teachable moment about an important aspect of the character of national Dem leadership.
In May of 2019, the Blackface/Klanhood scandal erupted. You don’t have to be a news junkie to know that for the last decade or more, thousands of racial molehill stories have been turned into racial mountain stories, grotesquely distorting the truth and ruining lives.
And yet, Dem governor Blackface Moonwalker is going to step down in a week, having served his full term. Because when the woke hypocrites started gearing up to throw him out, they found out that the next two Democrats in the line of succession were also toxic! The Lieutenant Governor had been accused of sexually assaulting a woman. Next in line was the Attorney General… who had also posed for pictures in blackface!
At this point you are probably asking yourself, “Are there ANY Democrats who have not either assaulted women or been pictured in blackface? Must we give them one free pass, and say that we’ll support any of them who have not assaulted women WHILE wearing blackface?”
But never fear, because the next in line was the leader of the Speaker of the Virginia House of Delegates, and that guy – mercifully! – had not done any photo shoots in either blackface or KKK regalia, and he also had managed not to go all Ted Kennedy on any female aids, secretaries or waitresses in the Commonwealth of Virginia.
So now you are saying to yourself, “Mirabile dictu, problem solved!” If you know a few snippets of Latin, and don’t know what a hilariously untrustworthy narrator I am.
Because Virginia pol/unicorn serving as the Big Fish in the House of Delegates turned out to be… a Republican. Cue the sad trombone. And then cut to the chase: yada yada yada, Governor Blackface serves out his full term.
Just thought I should remind you of the vast integrity of the leftist racial justice warriors who are always screaming that all of us “judge-by-the-content-of-their-character, not-the-color-of-their-skin” types are terrible, terrible racists.
Avenatti/Ralph Wiggum, 2024!
Martin Simpson 