The Cautious Optimism Roving Correspondent for Affairs (and Stuff) – CORCA – surveys personal and national goings-on:
I’ve got a bit of personal news before I dive into another week of elite lefties doing their best to keep making things worse for our country.
Last week a young man proposed to my oldest daughter. Frequent readers of this column may remember her as the nurse who saved a child’s life in November… because I may have mentioned that. Several dozen times.
The week before he proposed, he met with my wife and I (without my daughter’s knowledge) to ask our permission to propose to my daughter. And because — in addition to being known as a “Man of Ice Cream, Man of Principle” — I am also known as “Man From the 19th Century,” that was a wise move on his part.
It has been daunting to be the father of daughters in this century. You pray for them from the day they’re born, and when it comes to prospective mates, you start with your wish list. “I hope he’s a Christian, and conservative, and appreciates Johnny Cash and football and a well-struck 3-wood, and has a solid trade and just enough education to not be turned into a moron, and some handyman skills and will be a great father to my grandkids.”
Then you spend a couple of decades watching a little tv and some social media, and teaching at a university, and you’re tempted to start lowering the bar. Until by the time she’s a young woman, you’re just hoping that her guy identifies as a male, isn’t a furry, and doesn’t vote Democrat.
And, if push comes to shove, you end up imagining introducing him to people by saying, “This is my gender-fluid, furry son-in-law.” (Because I’ve got to draw the line somewhere, even when desperate!)
Thankfully, this young man seems okay. And when I shook his hand and then drew him in for a hug, and whispered that if he mistreats my daughter I’m going to descend on him with the vengeful fury of an Old Testament God, he managed not to turn and flee from the house.
So we’re off to a good start.
Speaking of problematic gender news, I really feel sorry for women lately. Because they are getting hammered by the progressives who never stop virtue signaling about having their backs!
First the greatest female Olympic athlete in history turns out to be a man named Jenner. Then the greatest female collegiate swimmer happens to be a man named Thomas.
And now, one of the leading contenders for Woman of the Year is– Well, you see where this is going. Cue Austin Powers: “She’s a man, baby!”
The person in question is our Assistant Secretary for Health, and is called “Rachel.” But if you’ve seen any pictures, this is not the “Jennifer Aniston at the height of her powers” kind of Rachel. (And this Rachel’s haircut is never going to spark a copycat craze among fashionable young women.)
The way things are going, in about 2 years the Mother of the Year will be a father, the matriarchy will be run by patriarchs, the WNBA will be the “NBA 2,” (at least the scoring will go up.), and the leading cause of death among women will be testicular cancer.
We have lost our freaking minds!
Speaking of which, I’m sure you caught the ludicrous White House effort to get their political message out by coaching up a bunch of Tik Tok “influencers” to be spokes-weirdos for them.
There is a LOT wrong in that sentence.
First, I don’t trust any platform that is owned by the Chicom-adjacent, and can properly spell neither “Tick” nor “Tock.” Both of which, I’ve confirmed through research, are one syllable words, and thus not particularly hard to spell. (Unlike the dozen variations of “Vladimir” that I’ve recently learned make up 78% of all male names in Ukraine and Russia, for one example.)
Second, these vapid little oddballs shouldn’t be able to influence anybody. They’re barely smarter than AOC! In a sane world, “influencers” would be people like Shakespeare, or George Washington, or CO. Or – sure, I won’t let false modesty keep me from saying it – like me.
But I shouldn’t be too hard on the TikTok dullards, especially when you consider the recent arguments made by the professional leftist politicians.
Take the issue of high gas prices. In the last week, two high-profile Dems have advanced two of the dumbest possible reasons to explain the price hike.
First up was Grandma Squanto, who proved yet again that she is a few feathers short of a headdress (#wemustneverstopmockingher), by rolling out the tired old canard that the problem is that the oil companies are just greedy.
In one, incredibly simplistic sense, that is true. Companies always want higher profits, the same way you or I want higher salaries, or Lizzie Warren wants more wampum for her beaver pelts.
In fact, it’s an axiom of leftist theology that corporations are always and forever driven by greed.
But if that’s the case, her position refutes itself. If companies are always driven by greed, why weren’t gas prices this high last fall, or last spring, or when Trump was president? Why do greedy corporations seem to only start gouging people when incompetent leftists control the government?
The obvious answer is that Biden’s policies of slashing the supply of oil and natural gas – killing pipelines, forbidding exploration on federal lands, tying up drilling in Gordian knots of regulations, slow-walking permits on previously leased ground – is doing what decreased supply always does: increasing prices.
Enter Hacky Psaki, with an equally stupid answer. When questioned by Jacqui Heinrich about why Brandon isn’t open to allowing oil companies to produce more oil in America, the Ginger Prevaricator said that,“There are 9000 approved oil leases that oil companies are not tapping into currently. So I would ask them that question.”
When various reporters asked some oil company spokespeople that question, they provided logical answers, including that many of the leases are on land that has been tested and found to be dry holes, that finding oil on leased land often means pushing ahead to get a permit to drill, which Dem politicians have promised to make as difficult and time-consuming as possible, etc.
But forget all of that. You don’t need more than a tiny bit of common sense to see that Psaki’s implication is ridiculous. She’s suggesting that the oil companies are sitting on 9000 productive leases that they could start drilling on tomorrow, but they’re not doing it.
Presumably because they don’t want explosive showers of Texas tea to spray gobs and gobs of icky money all over themselves?
And instead, they’re asking for access to even more leases… which they will then sit on, while not drilling them either, I guess?
Ugh. Put Warren’s and Psaki’s “explanations” together, and you get a double-barreled blast of stupid: the greedy oil companies are super-greedy, but they didn’t act on their greed until Joe Biden got into office, and now they’re gouging people with high prices on oil, while they’re sitting on 9000 leases that would allow them to get much more oil to gouge people with… but they’re stubbornly refusing to enrich themselves by drilling more.
Out of extreme greed.
Okay, we get it: The redskin and the red head are not exactly a dynamic duo of insight.
But one leading Dem came heartbreakingly close to the truth last week, and it’s the DCCC Chair whose name I only learned last week: Sean Patrick “Mijo” Maloney.
During his comments at a retreat in Philly, Maloney ran through a litany of negative perceptions the voters have about Democrats, ending with the correct interpretation: “The problem is not the voters. The problem is us.”
Yes! Exactly!
But just when I had a glimmer of hope, just when I thought I’d found that unicorn horn in a haystack – a rational, insightful Dem – I read on.
And cue the sad trombone, because after accurately diagnosing the disease, Maloney prescribed a big ol’ dose of cyanide as the treatment, saying that Dems must “embrace Biden’s style.”
That’s not a typo. Mijo said of Biden – and I swear that each of these sentences are actual quotes, “He is that person that in many ways we need to become. If there’s a kid with a stutter, the president’s going to fall all over him. If there’s a cop or a firefighter who had a tough time, Joe Biden’s going to wrap his arm around him.”
Let’s break that down: First, we are all on our way to becoming what Joe Biden is today, in the sense that Biden came from the dust, and when he died several years ago, he returned to the dust, as will we all.
And yes, there’s a good chance that if a stuttering kid gets near Biden, he’ll likely fall on that kid. But that’s not a good thing. It’s a mortifying experience that will likely add night terrors and PTSD to that kid’s list of problems.
And if any cops or firefighters have had a hard time, it’s likely because of Biden’s “defund the police” and “arsonists are just peaceful protestors” policies. And the only ones Biden will put his arms around are adolescent girls, or adult women, or the wives of other men called to the podium. THOSE, he’ll put his arms around.
And then he’ll sniff their hair, and make all of us shudder.
So close, Mijo!
It’s been a long 4 years and it’s only been 60 weeks.
Martin Simpson 