GOP House fight, a Stupid Criminal Story, & Biden Bumbles at the Border (posted 1/10/23)

First I’d like to apologize because this column is a day late.  (But not a dollar short, I hope.)  Two of my cousins were in Florida for a break from IL in January, and I was making rather merry with them in the Sarasota area for the entire weekend.

But I see that we now have a new majority leader in the House, and as always when Republicans gain a smidgen of power, I am agnostic, but (to coin a phrase) cautiously optimistic.  At the very least, we can celebrate a new speaker who’s going to have some pressure on him to resist the left.

We also know that the speaker is not going to be race-hustling election denier Hakeem Jeffries, or Universal Pictures’ classic monster Imhotep Pelosi. (Nancy Pelosi IS Boris Karloff AS the mummy IN “The Mummy!”)  So we’re already moving in the right direction.

After a weekend of not paying attention to any national news, I got home last night and took a quick spin around the internet, and found two stories I think are worth sharing.

First up is another stupid criminal story.  This one is from February of 2020, although Breitbart just posted about it now.  It’s the tale of super-genius Edward Flemming, who in January of that year stole a Ford Fusion and was arrested for it.

You read that right: a carjacker, with many makes and models of vehicles from which to choose as the object of his larcenous attentions, chose a Ford Fusion. 

Again: super-genius. 

Fast Eddie was given a 2/25/20 court appearance on that carjacking.  His appearance was scheduled at 9:00 a.m.

Quick, guess how he arranged transportation to get to his appearance on the earlier carjacking charge.

If you said, “He became gainfully employed, worked a lot of overtime, and spent some of his pay on a lucky court-appearance tie and city bus fare to get to the courthouse, you have not been paying attention to life in Lori Lightfoot’s Chicago.

He got up early on February 25^th and carjacked another car at 8:00 a.m., to drive it to court at 9:00. (No word on the make and model of that car, but I’m guessing a late 70s Dodge Omni.)  Surprisingly, the cops got a timely report about that crime, and caught Flemming before he could get to court.

Quick, guess what they found in the car with Flemming when they stopped him.

If you said, “A well-worn Bible filled with Edward Flemming’s handwritten exegetical notes,” I don’t think you’re even trying anymore. 

Surprise!  It was a gun. 

Quick, before you can say, “A gun that he bought legally, after passing a background check, and which he was fully licensed to carry concealed?” – get out of here with that.  Of course not.

It was a gun reported stolen in an earlier robbery.

Amazingly, Flemming is actually doing some time for his latest crimes.  Although prosecutors dropped six felony charges as part of a plea deal, he will actually serve around 9 years of a 14-year sentence.

Which reminds me, if gun control advocates were serious about decreasing gun crime, one simple action would go a long way toward that goal: any time a previously convicted person commits another crime with a gun, he automatically serves 10 years (with no sentence reduction possible) just for using the gun, in addition to any other time he gets for the crime itself, and even if he didn’t fire the gun during the crime.

(I would also be open to making that 10-year mandatory sentence 20 or 30 years.)

Since a very small percentage of the population commits a huge percentage of all crimes, getting those frequent fliers off the streets would radically cut the number of gun crimes,1 and prevent untold suffering.

But I’m afraid that many gun control fans are more interested in preventing law abiding citizens from defending themselves than they are in actually stopping gun crime.  Or maybe they just don’t know any better.

There’s certainly a lot of that going around lately. 

Speaking of not knowing any better, how about that Joe Biden?

While I was hanging out with the cousins and having a great time in our free state, our posthumous president finally made an appearance at our porous southern border.  And it went about as well as you’d expect.

First he had a photo op walking alongside a section of border wall – which he has denigrated for the last 4 years, and did everything he could to prevent being even partially built – talking to members of the border patrol – whom he has denigrated for the last 4 years, at least.

Remember that time when he accused the mounted border patrol members of whipping the illegals whom Biden himself had encouraged to break our laws by crossing our border illegally?  Even though the patrol members didn’t have whips, but reins? 

And they weren’t using their reins to whip the illegals?  They were using them as horse-controlling devices?

Which is what they are?

Well Biden is betting that we don’t remember that.

But there is something that we really don’t remember: it’s when Biden apologized to the border patrol members for smearing them that way.

Because that never happened.

Anyway, after Biden managed to walk along the border wall without bonking his empty, liver-spotted head into it (Yay!  Presidential accomplishment!), he was gently guided into a room where he met with some officials with the Salvation Army. 

When the first guy shook his hand, Biden mumbled, “I spent some time with the Secret Service in Poland and in Ukraine.”

To his credit, the guy put on a poker face and managed not to do what he had to be thinking of doing: circling his right ear with his right index finger and saying either, “WTF?” or, “Cuckoo!” 

Instead, he blinked rapidly, nodded several times, and said, “Oh yeah?”  And then he gestured to a guy on his right, guiding Biden toward him. That guy had an expression like they were playing hot potato, and he was about to lose.

At this point, I would gladly trade the POTUS for a potato. 

Or any other vegetable, fruit or legume, really.  No reasonable offer will be refused.

Let me end on a less disturbing note, and share a story that you might not have seen, because it involves soccer.  (Although I have a firm policy of not paying attention to soccer, I’m making an exception for this story.) 

In 2020 Kiersten Hening played on the Virginia Tech women’s soccer team.  When she refused to kneel for a coercive pre-game “unity” ceremony supporting the Black Lives Matter movement, her coach – Charles “Chugger” Adair – benched her. 

By the way, if you’ve heard of a worse nickname that anyone has ever embraced for himself – Adair’s Twitter account is “@CoachChugger” – please post it so that we can all mock that person.   

Hening sued, and Chugger and the Spineless Adminstrators (worst garage band name ever, by the way) laughably argued that political bullying had nothing to do with her benching, which they claimed was the result of her poor play on the court, or rink, or field, or whatever soccer is played on.  (I am not going to waste precious time looking that up.)

Chugger’s case was weakened a bit by the fact that Hening started 18 games (or matches, bouts, or rounds. Not looking it up) out of 19 in 2019, and that she had the most minutes played of any team member in 2020.

This week the school settled with Hening, giving her $100K, but still denying that her benching had anything to do with the fact that she wasn’t keen on bending the knee to a bunch of leftist whitey-hating violence aficionados.

Very classy, Chugger.  Have you ever considered going into politics?  Because I’m sure the Biden administration always has room for one more dishonest hack with terrible priorities and weak character.  

Oh, and before I forget:  as far as I know, Liz Warren didn’t make any newsworthy statements this week. 

But still, she’s as white as Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, and she owes her entire academic and political career to repeatedly lying about being an American Indian.  So today, as always…

#wemustneverstopmockingher

Fetterman/ Edward “Fast Eddie” Flemming 2024!