Several Pretendians, & My Alma Mater Gives in to Segregated Graduations (posted 5/12/23)

A quick note up front: we’ve brought my youngest home from college for the summer, and it’s nice to have at least one of the apples of daddy’s eyes back at home.  (My oldest has selfishly gotten married and moved to Denver, where she’s saving children’s lives as a pediatric nurse.  And not giving us a grandchild yet, even though she’s been married for 10 months, and time’s a wastin’.) 

In addition to being a fine daughter, my youngest is also my tech support.  So after several of you mentioned that you couldn’t find the “Follow” button at my website, I looked myself.  And couldn’t find it either.  And instantly threw up my hands in defeat.

But now that Emily is home, she rolled her eyes and did some kind of magic thing with her hands on the keyboard, and now there is both a tiny “Follow” button, and a larger “Subscribe” bar, either of which you can use to follow my site.  (The buttons are on the right side of my page, just above the pic of Cassie the Wonder Dog in her Norse regalia.) 

Today I’m going to comment only minimally on two of the biggest stories in the news: the acceleration of the ongoing disaster at our border, and the farcical verdict against Trump in the phantom groping incident with E. Jean Carroll.  Because both of those stories create in me a very uncomfortable state of mind.

That mood has been described perfectly by one of history’s great curmudgeons, H.L. Mencken, when he said, “Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”

I am all too aware of my own character flaws, but I’m trying (in my halting and backsliding way) to follow Uncle Jesus, and I’m pretty sure He’s not too big on the hand-spitting and throat-slitting, rageful mode of addressing the political opposition that I feel every time I think about how the national Dems are damaging our country.

So I’ll just make a few brief comments and then move on. 

The cynical and self-centered Democrat policy of betraying Americans by opening our borders to this many unvetted, unassimilated illegal trespassers will cause electoral, fiscal and cultural damage that it will take decades to repair, if it can ever be repaired. 

And the incoherent judgment for E. Jean Carroll against Trump is the perfect example of why we need the statute of limitations that was rescinded recently in NY.  There is no way anyone could reasonably defend against – or convince a jury worth their salt of – a quarter-century-old, unsupported accusation.  Especially when the accuser is a certifiable loon.

And this lady is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.  In an interview with Anderson Cooper, she kept going on about how she and most other people think that rape is really “sexy.”  That made Cooper visibly wince, and when he tried to throw to commercial, she creepily came on to him, saying, “You’re a fascinating person to talk to.”

I don’t know if she’s not aware that Anderson plays for Mayor Pete’s team, or if she finds the thought of a septuagenarian lady flirting with a younger gay guy almost as sexy as rape.  But either way: Yikes!

Also, although I’m no law-talkin’ guy, I think that any decent judge overseeing a trial of any conservative in New York City should repeat the move from the trial of Al Capone in The Untouchables: switch the jury with one from some red or purple state, so there’s at least a chance of an unbiased verdict.    

By the way, I assumed that the “E” in this crazy lady’s name must stand for an unpleasant first name, like Edna, or Edwina, because that’s why people usually go with initials instead of names.  (C.S. Lewis was “Clive Staples,” e.e. cummings was “Edward Estlin,” and my grade school principal who went by A.M. was “Ambrose Marvin,” for example.)

But nope.  Her first name is Elizabeth. 

Speaking of which, I bet we can all think of another super-white Elizabeth who also couldn’t tell the truth if her life depended on it.  (#wemustneverstopmockingher)

(Boom!  Double-bank shot into a mis-direction Grandma Squanto reference when you least expected it!)

Moving on to less infuriating stories….

Hey, speaking of pretendians like Lizzy Warren, I just read about another pale, blue-eyed academic who might have out-Warrened the fraudulent Senator from MA.

This lady is the U of Wisconsin’s Kay LeClaire.  “Of the Black Hills Lakota Sioux LeClaires?” you are not asking, because you’re not an idiot. 

Seriously, how do you try to pass as an Indian with a name like that?  Can you sit around a campfire on the first night in a new hunting ground, and everyone else introduces themselves as Running Elk, Flies With Owl and Crazy Horse, and then you say, “Hi, I’m Katie LeClaire!”

Because yeah, until 2017 she went by “Katie,” and identified herself as white, and she married a similarly white guy whose indigenous name was “Adam Pagenkopf.”  But by 2019 she was using “they/them” pronouns (you know, the way Geronimo did) and identifying as “two spirit” (i.e. a recently made-up term meaning a gender-nonbinary Indian). 

And she revealed her “true” Indian name, which I swear I am not making up: “Nibiiwakamigkwe.”  Before you can ask, it’s pronounced exactly like it’s spelled, whitey!

Because when authentic Indians weren’t naming themselves “Katie” after some tribal elder or other, they were choosing their names by upending a Scrabble board and then picking up the first random string of 15 consecutive tiles. 

(And that’s why, even to this very day, many Native Americans have a blank spot in their names.  True story.)

Of course Katie got a UW-paid residency and speaking fees based on her deep Indian roots.  She also founded a “queer Indigenous artists’ collective” – that’s an old Cherokee tradition – and sold genuine Native American crafts.

Which, it turns out, she bought on Etsy. 

I’m not making that up, either. 

So you’re probably thinking that the biggest victims in this story are the taxpayers of Wisconsin, or the cheesehead students who shared a college campus with this fraud.  But you’re wrong.  Because the biggest victim here is Adam Pagenkopf.

The poor guy married this Aryan-looking woman whom he thought was a fan of heterosexual intercourse and the Green Bay Packers, and he ended up with some non-binary nutjob who sells Chinese-made dream-catchers and rubber tomahawks delivered bi-weekly from Amazon.

Plus she’s a progressive, so you know she insisted he take her name when they got married. 

Yeah.  He’s been signing mortgage forms, tax returns and credit card receipts with “Adam Pagenkopf- Nibiiwakamigkwe,” a few thousand times.  The poor bast**d.

In news closer to home, CO mentioned last week that one of his alma maters – Northwestern – has gone woke.  I sadly have to say the same for one of my alma maters.  I got my MA from Illinois State, and this semester, they shamefully participated in the racist identity politics of the left by holding segregated graduations.

The first of those ceremonies was called a “Lavender Graduation,” and was intended for LGBTQ+ students.  (Not “Let’s Get Biden To Quit, + Que Mala as well.”  The other kind.)  But this time, they added a term that was new to me: “ace-identified.”

As I looked that up, I was hoping against hope that the new term referred to eccentric people who had somehow managed to shoot down at least 5 enemy aircraft in combat.  But no such luck.

“Ace-identified” means people who have no interest in having sex, AKA “a-sexuals.”

First, to them I say, “thank you.”  Because I’ve seen some videos of the alphabet squad in various protests, parades, and primal scream therapy sessions, and for them to choose not to have sex at all seems like a win-win for everyone. 

Second, I’m guessing that they may be misidentifying just a bit.  Because realizing that nobody on earth wants to have sex with you is NOT the same thing as saying that you’re nobly choosing to not have sex with anyone.   But hey, you do you, Ace! 

The second graduation was called “Nuestros Logros,” which, if my high school Spanish has served me well, means “our log-rolling.”

Wait. That doesn’t sound right. 

And…… the Spanish-to-English translator says it means “our achievements.”  Which makes more sense.

As you might guess, that ceremony is for “Latinx” graduates, even though no self-respecting Hispanic since “stout Cortez… with eagle eyes… [first] star’d at the Pacific” (John Keats rules!) has ever called him or herself a “la-tinx.”

Another option was the “Umoja” ceremony, for black students.

And finally, the “MAPS” ceremony.  When I first read this one, I was praying that it wasn’t for “minor-attracted persons,” which is – still not making this up – the new p.c. term for pedophiles. 

Fortunately, my prayer was answered.  The MAPS group is the Middle Eastern, Asian, Pacific Islander and Southeast Asian graduates. 

I couldn’t help but notice, after reading through that list of tribal identifications, that plain vanilla white folks (so to speak) aren’t mentioned.  I was raised in Central Illinois back in old-timey days, and as I recall, there were quite a few white folks around back then.  In fact, if I had to guess, I’d say there were at LEAST two white kids for every Pacific Islander or transgender Sri Lankan I ran into at the Corn Festival each fall. 

Have they all been driven out of the state?  If not, do they just leave campus in shame after four years, and wait to get their diplomas in the mail? 

Does anybody think this kind of separatism is a positive, healthy sign for our society?  Does no one have  any quibbles about racially segregated dorms, student unions, majors, and now graduations?  Will we soon have separate drinking fountains for MAPS, Latinx, and members of the African diaspora?

(And if the LGBTQ fountain doesn’t have a sign over it saying, “Gender Fluid,” I will be very disappointed.)

If so, I guess we Appalachian Simpsons will just revert to drinking out of the hose, as is our cultural tradition.  

After all this grim news about Northwestern and ISU, you may be asking yourself whether the fact that both CO and I have managed to achieve such greatness later in life – despite the now-manifest unworthiness of two of the educational institutions where we studied – is a tribute to our ability to overcome such challenges due to our impeccable character and towering intellect.

It would be immodest of me to answer that question.

But yes.

Yes it is. 

Biden delenda est!

“Dr.” Jill Biden/Katie Nibiiwakamigkwe-Pagenkopf, 2024!

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