A Worrying Election, + Johns Hopkins’ New Definition of “Lesbian” (posted 6/16/23)

Before I get to the usual tomfoolery, I’ve got to admit that I am feeling an awful lot of agita about the upcoming election. 

When I saw CO’s recent prediction that Gavin Newsom may well be our next president, I threw up in my mouth a little.  And then a lot.  And then outside of my mouth.  

Mostly because I can’t confidently say that he’s wrong. 

On the Dem side, I’m more uncertain with each passing day that Biden is still going to be their nominee by this time next year.  The MSM has done their bootlicking best to prop up his barely animated corpse, but he is obviously disintegrating in front of our eyes. 

The only chance he has to be re-elected is if Trump wins the GOP nod (as it now appears he will), because I think that Trump is the only guy he can beat.   If any of the longshots were to get the GOP nomination (I’m still praying for DeSantis.  Literally!), the MSM will just have to cover Biden honestly for 10 minutes – “Hey, did you know he took bribes, and has dementia, and pooped on the Pope?  Who knew?” – and he’ll be toast.

And for all the talk that they’ll never be able to dump Que Mala – because of her race and gender – you watch them!  She’s so metaphysically awful that most lefties will put up a token fight about it (you heard me: token!), and then happily nominate the empty Hair Cut from the Late Great Golden State.

On the GOP side, I’m afraid that the left is playing our base like a fiddle, manipulating them into backing Trump by hitting him with one outrageous and blatantly biased indictment after another.   

If you take current polls at face value, DeSantis has almost no shot.  But I can’t help notice an anomaly there: if he were really 30+ points behind, why would the MSM spend the last six months attacking him so viciously?  They hate all conservatives – anyone right of Mao, really – and they’re always hating on Trump, as they do with all front-runners. 

But they’ve smeared DeSantis as much as they have Trump, and on much thinner pretexts.

And Trump has done the same, slandering a conservative rival with no statistical shot as if they’re running neck-and-neck.  And most disheartening to someone like me (who felt really grateful to Trump for governing as conservatively as he did), he’s doing it like a sleazy leftist!

He’s taking dishonest shots at DeSantis by praising one leftist creep after another, from grandma-killing ass-grabber Gov. Cuomo, to Ken-Doll Newsom, to soul-less Charlie Crist!  He’ll side with the leftist groomers at Disney and Bud Lite, and he’ll use Soros talking points, and smear the free state of Florida as if it’s being destroyed by RDS.

I know: it’s just politics. But it’s also why so many of us – even political junkies like me – hate politics.

Don’t get me wrong: if Trump gets the nomination, I’ll 100% vote for him.  And I would absolutely love seeing him win again, triggering a schadenfreude-tastic weeping and gnashing of teeth throughout the hive of scum and villainy that is the MSM and deep state. 

But I just don’t see it happening.  If rock-ribbed guys like me are going to have to hold our noses to vote for him, I can’t imagine the independents and non-hard-core conservatives coming out for him in numbers outside the margin of fraud that he’d need to win. 

But man o’ Manischewitz, I’ve never hoped that I’m wrong about something so much in my life!

Okay, let me turn this column around and get back to a little more of the optimism that gives this site its name. 

One bright spot this week comes from the legal world.  A Starbucks manager from New Jersey named Shannon Phillips was fired several years ago because she was white, and thus a scapegoat in a bogus racism pseudo-scandal. 

She sued Starbucks, and won – in New Jersey! – a $25 million judgment! 

Lately I’m finding myself in the very unusual position of rooting for lawsuits against many businesses.   I mentioned in a recent column that the first few verdicts have come in against insurance companies for mutilating and chemically damaging “trans-gender” treatments of children. 

I hope to see more of those, along with more discrimination suits on behalf of whites and Asians, and males, and Catholics and other Christians, who have had their civil rights stomped on because their race, gender or religion are denigrated by the elites. 

Another such lawsuit has been filed by a software engineer who was fired by his tech company, Bitwarden. (I’ve never heard of them either. But the “warden” part of their name seems spot on.) After they pressured him to put his pronouns in his employee profile – due to the company’s “inclusivity initiative” – he wrote “Assigned by God.”  

Good for him!  He was fired, of course.

Because nothing says “inclusivity” like an entire HR department screaming, “Get out, bigot!” to someone who just wants to do good work without violating the laws of common sense and English grammar.

I hope that guy gets at least the $25 mil that Shannon Phillips got.  

My favorite headline of the week appeared on a Red State article: “Headlines on Target Bomb Threats Show You Don’t Hate the Press Enough.”

Although that claim couldn’t actually hold up – I cannot possibly hate the press more than I already do! – they did provide yet another example of infuriating MSM bias.

The story cites various leftist headlines about the blowback that Target stores have been getting because of their new line of trans propaganda kids’ clothes.  WaPo, among others, printed some variation of this banner: “Target Stores See More Bomb Threats Over Pride Merchandise.”

Everyone knows the meaning that a casual reader was supposed to take away from that headline:  “Those dangerous right-wing trans-phobic bigots are at it again, threatening violence!  They probably think that young guys should be trying to tuck their penises between other (female) people’s legs, instead of their own, too.  What idiots!”

But if you read deep into the article, you find that the threats were actually “accusing the retail chain of betraying the LGBTQ community.”

That’s right.  A bunch of radical trans activist lefties were so outraged that a store might not market ridiculous products intended to sexually confuse children that they resorted to threats of violence.  Which is the opposite of what the propagandistic headline implied.

In other trans news, I know you all saw the way that Biden’s handlers defiled the White House lawn last weekend by flying the ugliest version of the pride flag on the White House, flanked by American flags.

Regular readers know that I don’t like to brag about the Nostradamus-like powers of my magical wizard hat.  

But I feel compelled to point out that seven days ago, I argued that there should be no sexual orientation flags flying at any American cemetery.  And less than 48 hours later, our first posthumous president flew that very flag outside of his own resting place. 

I know. Eerie, isn’t it?

In yet more sexual confusion news, the finest minds at formerly serious university Johns Hopkins have apparently caught the trendy mind virus that renders progressives unable to define what a woman is.  Because last week they amended their online glossary of LGBTQ terms – Happy Pride Month, everybody! – with a mind-bogglingly stupid addition.  

They defined “lesbian” – and I swear I am not making this up – as “a non-man who is attracted to a non-man.” 

Marinate in the wisdom for a moment.

According to Johns Hopkins University, the word “lesbian” could now logically refer to liberal women who – due to the utter repulsiveness of liberal beta “males” – are only romantically involved with what used to be known as a marital aide. 

(Now, sadly, more often a marital substitute, especially for the progressive gals who are getting what they’ve been voting for.) 

But I also think –- and feel free to check my math here – that according to those wacky Hopkinsonians, pretty much all of the females in the animal and reptile kingdoms are now, technically speaking, “lesbians,” since they are non-men, attracted to their non-men co-species members.

From heterosexual lady aardvarks, to non-binary lady komodo dragons, to bi-curious minxes.  (Literally, female minx.)  Also all species of monkeys, who are well known to be swingers.  (I know: ouch.  Dad jokes don’t get much worse than that.) 

(Sorry.  I meant “a man who is attracted to a non-man and who has produced offspring” jokes.)

And don’t get me started on the cougars, which you never stop hearing about if you’re a mid-quintile IQ or lower viewer of a lot of reality tv. 

It’s now all lesbians, all the way down, and as far as the eye can see.

Finally, I offer you reason #2,498,562 to leave the big blue cities while you still can:

A New York jury has officially indicted Marine/Good Samaritan/hero Daniel Penny in the death of a violent recidivist criminal who was threatening everyone on a subway car.

I generally don’t wish harm on anyone.  But if mentally ill criminals in New York have to attack anybody – and if history is any guide, they absolutely do – I hope that the next series of victims they brutalize are the members of the grand jury who voted to indict Daniel Penny.

Followed by the Democrat officials who decided to arrest and charge Penny, from Governor “Wicked-Witch” Hokul and NYC Mayor Eric Adams on down through the judge and the attorneys involved.  Followed by AOC and the other Dem officials who cheered this miscarriage of justice on. 

Followed by every Democrat who voted for any of those idiots.  They’re all fair game now. 

And as they find themselves cowering in a fetal position in a subway car — or on a sidewalk, or in a filthy alley – as they are getting the hell beat out of them by some career criminal, I hope they catch themselves mid-scream, thinking, “Why is nobody doing anything to help—”

“Oh.  Right.” 

Get busy, New York criminals!  It’s open season on leftist useful idiots!   Fly, winged monkeys, fly!!

And don’t forget…

Biden delenda est!

“Dr.” Jill Biden/ Non-binary lady Komodo Dragon, 2024!

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