I’ve Got a New Perspective on Life (posted 11/10/23)

I’m back, people!  If you read my column yesterday, I was pretty down about Trump running away with the nomination, and then likely to lose to Newsom next November (in my humble opinion… and worst nightmares).

Then I got a call from my sister in Tennessee, saying my 85-year-old mom had a stroke yesterday. 

It turned out to be a very minor one – she had a blood pressure spike to 190s over 140s, and gave us a scare – but she was back to normal within a half hour.  She’s got some new meds and my sister is watching over her and keeping her hydrated, and she’s got an appointment with her doc on Monday, and we’ll be up to see her ASAP.  (Sooner, if it’s warranted.)

You can see a pic of my adorable mom with me (from maybe 10 years ago) on my homepage at Martinsimpsonwriting.com.  She was a great wife to dad, and is a great mom to my sister and me, and she’s living right.  Her early-stage Alzheimer’s is starting to rob her of parts of herself, but she’s enjoying her life and she’s not afraid to die, knowing that she’ll be with Christ, and my dad and her folks, and that my sister and I will be along shortly.  (That circle will be unbroken, is what I’m trying to say.)

And suddenly I can see all of the political sturm und drang in perspective, and grant it its proper importance. Which is: some, but not that much.

So I’m going to get back to one of the things God made me for: mocking idiots and their bad ideas.  In fact, I’ve got four good news points to send you into the weekend with a smile on your face:

1. Israel is kicking the crap out of Hamas, and that’s enraging bad people all over the world, including on our campuses and in our House of Representatives.

As of 11/8, Hamas has lost control of northern Gaza, as Israel has opened temporary corridors allowing thousands of Gazan non-combatants to flee from the north.  Israel has been bombing terror tunnels and stacking up terrorist bodies, including a number of high-profile commanders responsible for major parts of the cowardly massacre of unarmed civilians on October 7^th. 

An unknown number of “Palestinian” “civilians” have also been reported killed, but those numbers are always inflated by lying Hamas mouthpieces.  Of those who actually have died, many were undoubtedly Hamas terrorists, and many others were their supporters.  (Quick tip: If any of the dead were those who celebrated the 10/7 massacres and spit on or otherwise defiled the bodies of the raped and murdered Israeli women paraded through Gaza’s streets, they bought their ticket, and now they’ve taken the ride, and good riddance to bad hummus.)

The blame for the remainder of actually innocent Palestinian dead lies entirely with Hamas, who has been purposely committing the war crime (cited in three different articles of the Geneva conventions) of using civilians as human shields. 

Lovers of freedom everywhere should be celebrating the fact that so many Hamas terrorists and commanders are now in hell, where demons are administering pitchfork suppositories left and right. 

There’s still a lot left to do, though, in Israel and here. Because a mob of terrorist-supporting “Palestinian” protestors stood outside the White House and tried to climb the fence there (i.e. INSURRECTION!) If the Dems had any moral consistency, they’d be screaming, “Fire at will to protect our precious democracy!” Meanwhile, their cowardly jihadi allies outside the WH were screaming, “Allahu akbar.” 

You may remember that delightful bloodthirsty slogan from when the 9/11 terrorists screamed it as they flew planes into the World Trade Center, or when other terrorists screamed it as they sawed Daniel Pearlman’s head off, or when other terrorists screamed it when they raped and slaughtered Jewish women and children a month ago, or when…

You get the picture.  Also, other pro-Hamas scumbags climbed up on a statue of Ben Franklin and draped a filthy keffiyeh on his head.  That’s the terrorist headpiece worn by terrorizing terrorists as they howl, “Allahu akbar” and murder children to celebrate every “Genocide Tuesday” and “Intifada Wednesday” and—

You get the picture.  Can I ask why we don’t have cops in the streets, using shotguns to fire beanbags into the groin of any Hamashole who tries to vandalize statues of our founders?  (Talk about “aim small, miss small,” by the way.)  And why don’t we have capital police using belt-fed weapons to clear the White House fence of hateful attackers? 

Are we running short on shotguns and machine guns?  Because if so, I’ll bet the fine denizens of CO nation could start a Gofundme and raise some cash for that purpose in short order.    

And while I’m dreaming up a wish list of anti-terrorist actions, did you see the stories of the top three Hamas bosses who are worth a collective $10 billion?  They’re living luxurious lives in mansions and extravagant hotels in Qatar, Turkey and elsewhere, while the “Palestinian” people live in (mostly self-imposed) squalor.

I’ve always loved the stories of how the Mossad sent hit teams all over the world to kill the evil terrorists who murdered Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympics, and I’ve read dozens of fictionalized versions of those kinds of hit squads giving terrorists their just desserts.

Is it too much to hope for that some teams of Israeli special forces bad-asses are even now being deployed to terminate those Hamas billionaires?  And if they are, can I please request that they throw at least one of those monsters off the top of a mile-high hotel in Dubai, just so the last thing the terrorist hears is, “Now you know how it feels to be a gay guy in your awful cities!”  

2. In other happy news, high-profile leftists all over the country are reaping what they’ve been sowing.

For example, a few years ago evil gnome George Soros funded the election of leftist New Orleans DA Jason Williams, who promptly started declining to prosecute 65% of all criminal cases in NO.  Shockingly, car thefts increased 104% in 2022. 

And then, last month, as Williams was walking his 78-year-old mother to his car, two thugs carjacked them at gun point.  Thankfully, his mom was unhurt.  Unfortunately, he didn’t get even the light pistol-whipping that his own corruption called for.  Still, he’s now a crime victim and he lost his car, so that’s a start.

For another (hilarious) example, a hateful “Palestinian” racist woman in Indiana – I’m not saying she’s related to Rashida Tlaib or Ilhan Omar, but I’m not saying she’s NOT related to Tlaib or Omar – intentionally drove her car into what she thought was a synagogue, telling the cops that she did it on purpose, because she’s a black-hearted anti-Semitic piece of crap.  (I’m paraphrasing.) (But not by much.) 

What’s hilarious about that?  The building she damaged actually belonged to a skeevy group of the Black Hebrew Israelites, a group of racist black loons who put the Star of David on their clubhouse, which then attracted one of their fellow rabid Jew haters to mistakenly attack their den of stupidity. 

If only all involved had been present and heavily armed, they could have opened fire on each other, and made this the feel-good story of the fall!     

3. Speaking of opening fire, we’ve still got the 2^nd amendment, and armed thugs are getting shot down or run off all over the place.

For example, an unassuming little Vietnamese guy identified only as “Tien” owns a pawn shop in Texas. (Yes, I spent the last half-hour trying to come up with some kind of comic reference for that.  The closest I came was, “Tien easy pieces” or “Tien Little Warrens,” but couldn’t make those work.) (Still: #wemustneverstopmockingher) He’s got Vivek’s hair, and a passion for sellable gold and jewelry. 

Recently two armed thugs came into his store.  (MSM accounts don’t mention their race.  So guess.  Then watch the video, and give yourself a gold star.) As soon as they got inside, they pulled their guns.

But Tien was packing, and he fired first.  Because: Texas!

Tragically, neither would-be thief was perforated.  But they both fled, leaving a trail of urine (and, I’m guessing, Democrat mail-in ballots?). 

When Tien talked to a reporter afterwards – I like to think he did so after blowing smoke away from the barrel of his pistol – he said, “I think the cash business, the gold business, seems to be an easy target for them, or so they think.  But it’s not.”

Ooh, I got it!  “No need for Tien Commandments, because Tien only has one: DON’T SCREW WITH TIEN!”  Boom!

An even happier story happened just before Halloween in a suburb of St. Louis, when Javion Bibby and Ronnie Jewett (undoubtedly two more of those super-dangerous white supremacists the late Joe Biden was always warning us about) put on ski masks and tried to carjack a citizen who turned out to be armed.

Aaaannnnnddddd… Javion’s a speed bump and Ronnie runs away, and then is caught by the cops, and now faces murder charges, since his buddy got killed during a crime he participated in.

Hat tip to the local Democrat justice system, who saw to it that even though both criminals were violent recidivists and part of a dangerous carjacking ring, they were out on the streets to practice their hobby of multiple bullet absorption.  Well done!

4. The partial manifesto written by the Tennessee murderer who targeted a Christian school has been leaked, and that’s a very good thing.  Because it revealed what our censorious leftist elites always try to hide: the killer was a textbook example of toxic leftist beliefs.

She was a sexually confused “transgender” Christophobe, a hateful anti-white racist, and a big believer in the class hatred that typifies the Left ever since Marx.  She ranted about the “little blonde crackers” whom she slaughtered, and about their “white privlage” (so close on that spelling!), and their “fancy khakis… backpacks…and [cars].”

The story is so sad, but a tiny silver lining was that the cops on the street were so much better than their bureaucrat bosses, who have covered up and lied about the killer’s motives.  Fortunately, while she wrote, “Ready to die,” the TN cops were commensurately ready to kill her. 

If only it could have happened quicker.       

Finally, I’ve got a book recommendation for CO nation.  If you haven’t read Elmore Leonard’s novels before – or watched the great tv series Justified, based on them – you’re in for a treat.

I’ve been re-reading several of them lately, and I can’t recommend them highly enough.  The guy writes amazing dialogue, and as a writer, he’s who I want to be when I grow up.  (I know: I better hurry!)  The protagonist of Justified, Raylan Givens, appears in Pronto and Raylan.  I’m just finishing the latter now, and it contains four separate plotlines that would each be enough to sustain a great novel, and the writing is like cut and polished diamonds: every word is perfect.  

And once again, I’m struck at the unfairness of life.  Elmore Leonard is dead, as is Vince Flynn, Robert B. Parker, Tom Petty, John Prine and my dad, among others.

Meanwhile, Noam Chomsky is 100-something, Joe Biden is still alive (sort of), Liz Warren is still on the warpath (#wemustneverstopmockingher), and Bernie Sanders is still… doing whatever it is he does. 

And Nancy Pelosi – the Botoxed Bakenrenef  (you try pulling an alliterative name of an ancient Egyptian that goes with “botox” out of your arse, you think it’s so easy) – has now outlived dozens of Pharaohs, thousands of kings and emperors and shoguns, and 40 US presidents.  And she continues to haunt our nightmares with her horrifying rictus grin.   

On the other hand, my sweet mom is still alive, and Hamas murderers are dropping like flies.  So we’ve got that going for us.

Have a great weekend. Go Israel!  And still and always…

Hamas delenda est!