The Tragi-Comic NYC Mayoral Race (posted 7/1/25)

Well thank God that’s over!

I’m referring to the least in-your-face Pride Month (or as I call it, “Haughty Spirit” month) in years.  (“Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”)  In every other way, this June was one for the record books.   Which is why I now continue what will be at least a four-column week.

In today’s edition of celebrating the Left’s self-be-clowning, I’m going to focus on last week’s NYC Democrat primary, which promises to be a boon to the GOP and one more self-inflicted Biblical plague on New York City. 

And one that, just like in the original, is going to result in a Jewish exodus, with Mamdani playing the role of Temu Pharoah.  And this time, nobody has to wait around, pleading, “Let my people go.”  Because the Hebrews now have access to U-Haul, and unlike the Red Sea, I-95 South is wide open, baby!

(They said, “Hey Martin, bet you can’t work in half a dozen Old Testament references in the first three paragraphs.”  And I said, “Hold my King James and watch this.”)

If I can be serious before mocking the hell out of the idiotic voters in NYC – and I know that the 90% gives the other 10% a bad name – this really is a sad story.  Truly.  A great nation should have great cities, and NYC used to be one of the greatest cities in the world.  It’s tragic to see what has already happened to it, before we even get to what’s going to happen to it soon. 

I know that some of my fellow conservatives say, “Don’t worry about it.  Let NYC become a warning to the country and the world of what can happen when you elect terrible socialists to positions of power.  It will provide a valuable FAFO lesson.”

That’s true.  But it’s not like we need ANOTHER warning, or more FAFO lessons!  We’ve got Chicago (RIP).  And LA.  And San Francisco.  And Baltimore, and Detroit, and New Orleans.  And the nations of Venezuela, and Cuba, and old East Germany, and current Haiti, and…

Ugh.  As grateful as I am to not be living in a big blue city, watching Dem voters choose their own self-degradation makes me feel the same kind of pity and frustrated anger I get when I see a junkie – ravaged, scarred and dope-sick – shooting up one more time. 

Then I remember that many of those voters would force that hellish descent on the rest of us if they had a chance, and I say – with another famous New Yorker, Jerry Seinfeld – “Yikes.  Good luck with all that.”   

And it’s not like New York City or state were doing great in recent years anyway.   It’s been a one-party Democrat town for what seems like forever – with the brief interregnum of the Giuliani and Bloomberg years – and the old lions of the party were content to turn into hyenas, scavenging off the accomplishments left to them by previous generations, while letting the place slowly go to pot.  Literally, lately. 

(We Midwesterners call this process “eating your seed corn.”)

Many observers say that part of the reason so many lefties were open to a new, younger, fresh face is due to the dysfunctional hash the establishment Dems made of things.  Hochul, and Cuomo before her, and David Patterson before him didn’t exactly blaze a trail of good governance.  And the less said about DuhBlasio, the better. 

But you’d think that there would have to be some quasi-competent Dems in New York who saw Mamdani coming, right?  And yet the best candidate they could muster was Andrew “Grandma-killing Butt-grabber” Cuomo?  Really? 

If they needed an old-school name that dead-end Democrats would vote for just out of familiarity – e.g. Drunk Uncle Ted Kennedy, the second runner-up Kennedy after the first two were out of play – why not pick Chris Cuomo?

Sure, he’s not smart, despite how he tells it: “I can handle things, I’m smaht.   Not like everybody says, not dumb.  I’m smaht, and I want respect.”

(If you don’t get the Godfather reference, you’re dead to me.  Dead!)

So yeah, Chris would be nobody’s first choice.  Even Mario tapped Andy over the Block Head. 

(Chris: Just because I’m younger, I shouldn’t have been stepped over.

Andrew: That’s the way pop wanted it.

Chris (yelling, while slumped in his armchair): Well that’s not how I wanted it!”)

(They said, “Hey Martin, bet you can’t follow an Old Testament main course with a Godfather-reference chaser.”  And I said, “Hold my gun AND the cannoli, and watch this.”)

Anyway, since Chris got canned by the Tattaglias—sorry, I mean CNN – he’s got nothing else to do.  He’s tanned, rested and ready, and at least he can brag that he never killed a bunch of senior citizens by tossing some contagious covid patients into their nursing home like a bunch of wrinkly biological weapons and bolting the door behind them.  

But no.  The Dems went with Raggedy Andy, despite the sexual harassment claims that allegedly did him in.  Though I think we all know that that was more of a “straw that broke the horndog’s back” kind of thing.

Because this is the Democrat party we’re talking about.  If you could go to the congressional offices of any 10 randomly chosen male Dem officeholders and dust the rumps of their 20-something secretaries for prints, you’d come up with 8 positives for groping. 

And that’s only if your 10 chosen Democrats included Mayor Pete and Spartacus.

Okay, I’ve got to interrupt myself to say that I believe that God is just feeding stuff straight into my brain.  Because I just free-styled the last 8 paragraphs or so, and that Buttigieg and Booker reference even caught me by surprise.   And I know that it’s immodest to admit it, but I just laughed at my own joke. 

In fact, when I’m done with this column, I’m going to pour a second glass of Knob Creek 9, clink the two glasses together, and congratulate myself.  Because it’s the middle of the night, and my wife is sleeping, and she would be furious if I woke her up right now to read her this column. 

Not that Cassie the Wonder Dog is not smiling at me as I look at her right now.  But that’s because she’s one of God’s greatest creatures, not because she appreciates my skewering of hypocritical Democrat politicians as they dictate self-righteous “we’re shocked by Trump’s sexism” press releases while chasing their secretaries around the desk like so many Benny Hills with plum committee assignments.

Ooh, I just thought of one more thing: I can’t wait to see what AI-generated graphic CO comes up with to accompany this column!  Keep it PG-13, CO!

Where was I?

Oh yeah.  To quote some wit on the internet, “Defeated Cuomo left groping for answers.”

So that brings us to Zohran Mamdani…    

…and that’s where I’m going to leave it for today, because I’m over 1100 words in, and this bourbon isn’t going to sip itself.  Also, I’ve got over a thousand words drafted about Mamdani already, so I won’t test your patience with a 2000+ word column now.

So think of this as a tease, or a cliffhanger, and I’ll see you tomorrow!

In the meantime…

Hamas, Hezbollah and Mamdani delenda est!