The Dem Convention Steers Into the Crazy Skid (posted 8/20/20)

I’ve read some coverage of the first two nights of the DNC rant-a-palooza, and have come away with a shocking realization: the Democrats apparently don’t have the foggiest notion of the main point of a political convention.

Traditionally, savvy parties are hyper-conscious about their image.  They craft it meticulously, especially when they are putting on their convention – the moment of peak national exposure, and the definitive opportunity to present the most carefully calibrated public face of the party and its beliefs.

This image-management goes across party lines.  The GOP knows that many people see it as too white and too identified with the rich, so the party does its best to showcase minority Republicans, small business owners, and people of modest means.

Similarly, Democrats have traditionally known that they are seen as not being too fond of this country, and as disdainful of the military, so they usually do their best to drape their convention with American flags and round up as many military members (in uniform) as they can (even though the result is inevitably a lot more Bradley Manning than George Patton).

So I think it’s a sign of how badly the Dems have gone off the rails this year that they seem to be purposefully – some might say perversely – foregrounding the darkest underbelly of their party, the rigidly radical elements and positions that they have to know are most likely to repel independents and persuadable non-partisans!

In just the first two nights of the convention, I can point to at least 5 glaring examples:

1.The Dems usually get the vast majority of Jewish votes, but by 2016 Trump had already begun to make inroads there, and since then he’s moved the US embassy to Jerusalem and established stronger ties to Israel.  Within just the last week, he’s fostered what looks like it may be the first significant Middle East treaty between Israel and one of its Arab neighbors in decades.

So who do the Dems give a “speaking role” at their one of their convention’s key assemblies to?

Hateful, vicious anti-Semite Linda Sarsour!   Talk about an unforced error.  The Dems can’t do anything about the black eye they deservedly get from being associated with the jihadi twins, Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib – they are elected Dem congresswomen.

But Sarsour is a free-agent hater – she has no official role in the party, so there’s no rational reason to let her near a camera, let alone give her a sanctioned speaking slot.

The blunder was so painfully obvious that Biden’s team had to issue a same-day apology, saying that Biden “obviously condemns her views.”  If it’s that obvious, why did you give her a speaking slot?  C’mon, man!

By the way, how do we know that Biden didn’t write his repudiation himself?  Because if he had, he would have called Linda Sarsour, “Jacinda Velour… I mean, Oui Oui Monsieur.  No, that’s not right.  You know, you know the thing!  The little scarf lady who hates the Jews!”

2. It’s not unusual to give a speaking spot to the party’s past presidents. But after the #metoo conflagration – and after Cankles McPantsuit turned a very winnable race into a debacle by snapping a fetlock in the campaign’s final stretch – you’d think that the Dems would have consigned the Clintons to the memory hole, never to be spoken of again.   But no, they give cadaverous old lech Bill Clinton a prime speaking spot.

And guess what? He still feels your pain.  (Along with your supple buttocks, if you don’t keep a close eye on him.)

Clinton actually had the gall to say that, “At a time like this, the Oval Office should be a command center. Instead, it’s a storm center.”  Because that’s what we need to hear from Bill Clinton: tips on how to conduct yourself in the oval office!

But Mr. “Better Put Some Ice on That” wasn’t finished.  He continued, “Just one thing never changes — [Trump’s] determination to deny responsibility and shift the blame. The buck never stops there.”

The mind boggles.  When Bill said, “just one thing never changes,” was I the only one who heard, “I keep getting older, and the interns always stay the same age!” ?

Also, who better to condemn Trump’s propensity to deny responsibility and shift blame than the guy who wagged his bony finger at us and insisted, “I never had sexual relations with that woman.”

And yes, Clinton can definitely criticize buck-passing.

Because for him, the buck always stopped in the same place: tucked into the g-strings of several topless interns wrestling in a kiddie pool filled with baby oil.

Well done, you creepy old horn dog!

3. The Dems finally turned on Bernie Sanders in March and gave the nomination to the late Joe Biden, because they knew that a transparently far-left socialist would poison their brand with independents. So naturally they gave transparently far-left socialist AOC one minute to speak.

One minute was about right, because that’s how long it usually took her to take a drink order when she was bartending.  Sure, she often heard someone say “Give me a G&T and a Scotch neat,” and then came back with two glasses of Pine-Sol with a slice of lime and a tiny umbrella in them.  But imagine how much more damage she could have done with more than a minute!

Well, this time she used her minute – at the political convention called to herald the nomination of Joseph “Where Am I?” Biden – to proudly nominate for President… transparently far-left octogenarian socialist Bernie Sanders!

4. Another recent embarrassment that any sane party would want to make voters forget about was Grandma Squanto’s self-immolation. Despite being whiter than a circus troupe of albinos caught in a snowstorm in Antarctica, Lizzie Warren pretended to be a proud Cherokee-American, launching a thousand hilarious hashtags. (You all know the best one: #wemustneverstopmockingher)

But instead of banishing her to the Happy Hunting Grounds, at least until after the election, the national Democrats decided to give her a high-profile speaking role addressing one specific caucus.

If you had to guess, you might think that she spoke to the “Translucent-American Caucus,” or even the venerable PCAAA (that’s right: the “Phony Cultural Appropriation Association of America”) caucus.

But no.  The Democrat brain trust, in their infinite wisdom, assigned Elizabeth Warren – the whitest woman in this or ANY convention, anywhere, at any time — to speak to … wait for it… the NATIVE AMERICAN CAUCUS!!

If I had tried to make that up, even the most loyal COers would have said, “Martin, you may be a hilarious genius – and, we cannot argue, a quite striking figure of a man – but now you have gone too far!  Even with your blackbelt in sarcasm and tomfoolery, you could not pull off the conceit that such a farcical thing could ever happen.”

And yet it did. In real life, on Tuesday night, at the Democratic National Convention.

5. Finally, you may have heard that we are in the midst of a worldwide pandemic. And you may also have heard that the Democrat governor of New York produced one of the highest per capita covid death rates in the country through his brilliant decision to force infected senior citizens back into nursing homes, like so many wrinkly biological weapons, killing as many as 11,000 helpless New Yorkers.

Any sane political party which included that unintentionally homicidal bungler as one of its most prominent elected officials, would do everything it could to keep him as far away from its convention as possible.

You see where this is going, right?

Yeah.  So there he was on Monday night, kicking off the festivities: Fredo’s older (and possibly even less intelligent) brother, Andrew Cuomo.

During his speech, Cuomo said many dishonest and malicious things, but this column is already getting long.  So I’ll focus on my favorite part: he called the Covid virus “the European virus.”

First, the left has been screaming for months that identifying a virus by its area of origin is a very, very bad and racist thing to do.  Unless, I guess, that area of origin is well known to be lousy with white people.  (The Worst. Race. Of. All! According to our leftist betters.)

Second, I can almost read your thoughts when you heard that Fredo Sr. mentioned the “European virus:”

“What the friend?!” you thought to yourself.  “What the actual friend is this mother-friending moron talking about?! The European virus?”

Then if you’re anything like me, you began clacking away at your Google machine, typing in such search terms as:

“What canton of Switzerland is Wuhan in?” and

“How far from Luxembourg is Wuhan, by rail?” and

“Do the Wuhanians speak French, German, English, or all three?” and

“Which side of the Iron Curtain was Wuhan on, after the Russian socialists were helped to defeat the German socialists in WWII?”

Ugh.  These people have lost it.

If I were a bigshot in the GOP, I’d offer two pieces of advice about next weeks’ Republican convention:

1.Have Trump go on stage the first night, standing between Bibi Netanyahu and whoever is the head sheik of the UAE, holding the inside hand of each man.  And then have Trump raise their hands in his, over his head, and say, “You’re welcome America!

“Also, tomorrow morning we are equipping our wonderful federal troops – so tremendous! — with amazing rubber bullets and incredibly acidic bear mace, and we will deploy them to every riot-infested Democrat city, where they will go through those terrible rioters – they’re violent people! Really bad! – like incredibly effective poop through a terrific, metaphorical goose!  God bless America!”

2. Have him walk off stage and turn off the lights.

And then replay the entire Democratic convention for the next four nights.


Avenatti/ Jacinda Velour 2020!

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