Well, a new month has begun, and that means it’s time for my long-standing tradition – which I am starting right now – of a column naming the “Worst Person of the Month” for the month just ended.
Granted, this is not an auspicious time to debut such a column, because there is no suspense when it comes to who was the worst person in August. Spoiler alert: it’s our Cadaver in Chief, Joseph P (the “P” stands for what he did to our troops and Afghan allies) Biden.
But play along while I name the other nominees, before we get to the inevitable winner.
Nominee #1: The Taliban. If there weren’t already more than enough reasons to despise these Islamo-fascist lunatics – and there absolutely were – one of their first acts upon reassuming power was to drag an Afghan folk singer named Fawad Andarabi from his house and execute him. Because he insisted on playing music.
According to a smelly Taliban spokes-creep, “Music is forbidden in Islam, but we’re hoping that we can persuade people not to do such things, instead of pressuring them.”
By the way, if the Taliban thinks “shooting in the head” constitutes “persuading,” you don’t want to know what they mean by “pressuring.”
What else do you need to know about Islam, other than that it disdains two of the great consolations of life: it forbids music and teaches that dogs are unclean. I know: some fanatics who have carnal relations with goats, wear multiple layers of filthy horse-blankets and beards filled with lice would find Cassie the Wonder Dog unclean! Go friend yourself, Taliban.
Speaking of evil jihadis…
Nominee #2: Isis-K. Nobody knows what the K stands for. My guess: those guys are proliferating so fast that they’re going through the alphabet, and K comes after J – as in the “JV team.” (Thanks Obama, you incompetent dope.) And since they’re illiterate and don’t understand alphabetical order, be on the lookout for the Delta variant of ISIS, coming soon.
Speaking of yet another evil jihadi…
Nominee #3: Rashida Tlaib, squad member, and spiritual twin of brother-marrying cretin Ilhan Omar.
As unattractive on the outside as she is on the inside, Tlaib reached a low point – even for her – in August, when she posted a tweet mourning that the body of Palestinian woman Mai Afana, whom Tlaib described as a “loving daughter and successful student,” has not yet been released to her family.
Tlaib wrote, “Meet Mai Afana’s mother, Khuloud, who is fighting to be able to bury her daughter & begin her healing. Mai was a mother, loving daughter & successful PhD student. She was killed by the Israeli government last June. Israel won’t release her body to her family.”
I guess because tweets have length limits, Tlaib didn’t have time to mention the circumstances of this loving, successful mom’s death: she launched a terrorist attack on an Israeli checkpoint by ramming it with her car.
“But Martin,” you are not thinking, “maybe she made an innocent driving mistake, preoccupied as she was by her PhD studies and her warm maternal love for her child.”
Well after the crash, she leapt out of her car and charged the soldiers, trying to stab them with a knife she just happened to be carrying.
As your typical PhD student does. I remember my dissertation defense, for example, when I went in with my notes, a binder full of research materials, and a scimitar that I always carried to class.
The next time some lefty whines about Marjorie Taylor Green, remind them that Rashida Tlaib — and Ilhan Omar, and Maxine “Melting Face” Waters, and AOC, etc. — are elected Democrat congress creatures.
Nominee #4: Imhotep Pelosi, Mesopotamian Mummy and Speaker of the House. In late August, the Botoxed One stopped GOP House members from reading, on the House floor, the names of the 13 American military members killed at the Kabul airport as a result of the most incompetent withdrawal in human history.
When GOP members requested the opportunity to read the 13 names, Pelosi raised the gavel with her dessicated arm and closed the session, rather than let that happen.
To be fair to Pelosi, the GOP was also trying to raise some questions about the Kabul cluster-schtup in addition to reading the names.
But why would anyone want to be fair to Pelosi? That frozen-faced harpie has been the bane of every society she’s ever wielded power in, starting with her early position in the administration of Cheops the Malevolent in 1568 BC and continuing right through until today.
In any other month, all four of these nominees would be serious contenders for “Worst of the Month.” But not for August of 2021. Because one nominee clearly dodders over all the rest.
Sorry, “towers.” Towers over all the rest.
In seven short months, Biden has stumbled his way past Jimmy Carter into the undisputed position as the worst president we’ve ever had. It almost beggars belief, but if the Slurring Scrantonian just called a (coffin) lid on his presidency right now – going home to lie in state for the next three and a half years and doing no further damage – he would still be our Worst. President. Ever.
I know that you’re all sick to death of all of the Afghanistan talk, and so am I. Sadly, none of us are strangers to bungled foreign policy misadventures; we live in a fallen world, and politics is full of politicians, and debacles and mistakes will be with us always.
But what Biden did in Afghanistan goes beyond anything I could have imagined. If somebody purposely tried to screw everything there up, he could not have made such insanely destructive decisions.
Let me point to 4 examples that I still can’t quite make myself believe:
1.Biden gave up Bagram air force base — in the most treacherous and idiotic way possible – and kept the Kabul airport.
Bagram had a longer runway and space for several others that could be used in an emergency, and was large enough to house 10,000 troops. It had a jail that could hold 3000, plus barracks, a hospital, cafeterias, etc. It was surrounded by a security buffer zone that made it much more easily defensible, and it contained tons of weaponry and war materiel.
The Kabul airport was a commercial one, with minimal security features – no barracks or weapons in place — with one shorter runway, located in a densely populated and indefensible urban setting.
You don’t have to be Sun Tzu or Von Clausewitz to recognize that giving up Bagram – not to mention withdrawing troops BEFORE evacuating people! – was an incomprehensibly moronic military decision.
And Biden made that decision even worse, by sneaking out of Bagram in the middle of the night on July 1st, without even telling the Afghan army, who were supposed to be our allies!
2. Biden and his lackeys intentionally gave control over the withdrawal to the Taliban!
When terrorist leaders offered Biden control over Kabul in early August to help speed up our withdrawal (and their victory), Biden refused, saying that we’d control the airport and they could control the city. When the obviously predictable happened, and our citizens and allies started being blocked from getting to the airport, Biden gave a list of our people and allies – the ones that the bloodthirsty mullahs obviously want to find and murder – to the terrorists, so that would know who to let through!
You can’t make this up: He gave a ready-made kill list to our terrorist enemies!
3. Even though we knew many months in advance that we were going to withdraw, we needlessly left behind one of the largest military treasure troves in history. You’ve all heard the numbers: hundreds of thousands of rifles, machine guns and small arms, thousands of night-vision equipment sets, hundreds of armored vehicles, dozens of deadly, advanced helicopters, and four gigantic C-130 airplanes.
In total, we left some of the worst people in the world – voluntarily and unnecessarily – nearly 100 billion dollars worth of arms!
And don’t overlook the last item I listed: 4 C-130 airplanes. Those are the humongous ones, capable of carrying literally tons of material – armored vehicles and heavy weaponry and many, many troops — in each flight.
To give you an idea how big they are, if you lowered the loading ramp of a C-130, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion could walk up it side-by-side, and neither of their enormous behinds would touch either of the side walls.
That’s how huge a C-130 is! And we left 4 of them on the ground, for no reason.
Can you imagine how stupid you have to be to do that?! You could talk to the thickest dullard in the most remedial class in the worst middle school in any terribly run Democrat city in this country, and you could easily get this point across.
You could probably even make AOC understand it.
In fact, here’s how that conversation would go:
AOC: What’s a C-130?
You: It’s a gigantic airplane.
AOC: Is it big enough to fit Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s enormous arses in it?
You: That’s a weird question. But yes. Yes it is.
AOC: And when we leave, we want to take everything we can with us, so the bad guys don’t get it?
You: Exactly.
AOC: So… why don’t we fill those 4 giant planes with all of that yucky gun stuff and fly it out of there?
You: You mean that you wouldn’t just leave those planes and all of the weapons they could carry for the bad guys to terrorize and kill people with for many years to come?
AOC (turning her empty little head to one side the way my Aussie shepherd does when she’s thinking): Wouldn’t that be stupid?
You: I never thought I’d say this, but would you consider being a general, or the president?
And, scene.
4. It probably speaks ill of me, but the most heartbreaking part of this whole disaster was when I saw the report that we had left as many as 100 military dogs to the tender mercies of those hateful, anti-canine Islamo-fascist scumbags. To think of those loyal, intelligent animals, abandoned to those creeps…
And for NO FRIENDING REASON! One C-130 flight could have carried all of those dogs and their handlers, plus enough dog food and Taliban thigh-bones and genitals for them to gnaw on for the rest of their lives!
Planes were leaving Kabul half-empty, and each one of those empty seats could have held a beautiful war dog!
Think about that: mentally fragile idiots all across America are taking emotional support marmosets on commercial flights every day, and we couldn’t get faithful service dogs out of that hellhole?!
I know that their handlers would have gladly paid for their flights, or gone there to bring them out themselves. I’m sure that the CO nation would have happily pitched in to buy an actual farm upstate, to which those beautiful animals could have gone and lived out their lives in well-deserved pampering.
Hell, COSE and I would have gladly adopted all 100 of them between the two of us, and wept tears of joy for the honor of doing it!!
So there you have it. The Worst Person of the Month for August was our horrific president, and it wasn’t even close.
If I mentioned the letters “FDR” and “POC,” to you, you would probably think of the president who turned a brief recession into a devastating decade-long depression (though at least he never abandoned Sherman tanks and B-17s to the Germans in Bastogne!) and “people of color.”
But from now on, I am replacing the acronym “POTUS” – when talking about Biden – with “FDR POC,” in honor of the mother of dead Marine Rylee McCollum, who called Biden a “Feckless, Dementia-Ridden Piece of Crap.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Mrs. McCollum. Your son deserved better, and this nation deserves better.
Semper Fi.
Avenatti–Literally Anyone Other than FDR POC, 2024!
Martin Simpson 